


Darkness

by Anonymous



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Angst, Attempted Kidnapping, F/M, Healthy Coping Mechanisms, Human trafficking briefly mentioned, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injuries, Minor Violence, Minor death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Stalking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unus Annus, slight blood warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 49,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27554080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: For as long as he can remember, Ethan has always had a darkness surround him. It follows as his shadow, staying close to him. The shadows surround him, providing him peace from the chaos around him. He's always found comfort in the darkness. Always felt safe hiding in the shadows.Lately, though, it feels like he's hiding from himself.
Relationships: Mark Fischbach/Amy Nelson
Comments: 35
Kudos: 84
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm writing a fic to get out some emotion about Unus Annus ending.

For as long as he can remember, Ethan has always had a darkness surround him. It follows as his shadow, staying close to him. When he was younger, sometimes at night the darkness would comfort him. Surround him with quiet and peace, blocking out the light and noise.

It wasn't until he was older that he realized how much the darkness could hide.

Ethan wasn't good at math or reading, and he still struggles with it. Probably more than he used to. It seemed to be so easy for everyone else. Why was it so hard for him?

When he was in seventh grade, he dreaded algebra, dreaded taking tests, and dreaded getting them back even more. He had failed multiple quizzes for the last unit, and he needed at least an 80 on the test to pass. But when the teacher handed back the test... it was a 49. One of the other kids in class used to sit behind Ethan and would always try to see what grade Ethan got. And no matter how hard Ethan tried to hide it, somehow that asshole could always see. "He's such a dumbass," the boy whispered to his friend. Ethan heard a few classmates snicker behind him.

He crumpled up the paper, shoving it into the bottom of his backpack. It wasn't fucking _fair_. Numbers were just so hard. He can't keep track of them and how they're supposed to add up let alone what the hell to do with x or y.

 _Dumbass._ He was just a useless dumbass.

He didn't think. Ethan stood up, running from the room. He ignored his teacher yelling after him, focusing on somewhere where he could _be alone_. He sprinted through the hall towards the bathroom. _Fuck_. _Fuck this shit._ He just needed to be alone. Away from the assholes that reminded him that of how fucking _stupid_ he was. Shadows started to gather around his fingertips, climbing up his arms and covering his face. Everything became quiet around him, the lights started to dim. He felt himself melting into the shadows gathering around him, dissolving into the darkness.

Around him, the hallway was dim and shrouded in shadows but still visible. Another student, someone he didn't know, was walking towards him. They were ignoring him, probably cause he was a fucking failure. Cause he was a useless fucking dumbass who didn't fucking matter. So of course it made sense he was being ignored.

It made sense. Until the student walked right through him. _Right. Through. Him._

That's when he started to understand. That he, himself... was the darkness.

He learned to keep the darkness as his shadow, gathering it behind him. At times, it would slip free, the tendrils of darkness dancing around him. Now when he's alone, he lets the darkness gather around his fingers, guiding it through his hand. At times when everything feels too loud and bright, he gathers it around him, disappearing into the shadows. In the safety of the darkness, he's able to ground himself.

Lately he's gotten into the habit of fidgeting with the shadows, looping them through his hands as he works. It's not a problem when he's home editing, but when he's recording or working with others... he doesn't want them to see the darkness he carries with him.

He's tried other fidgets, but something about the shadows is more calming. Sometimes he doesn't even realize he's gathered a shadow in his hand. It's less of a problem when he's doing something with his hands, doing a gaming video or Markiplier Makes.

Today's different though. His brain's not working right, and he's not taking meds to help. He's able to pull himself together while they make the pies. Sure, his pie looks and tastes like _absolute shit_ , but it's a pie. Technically.

But now he's made a shock mount that's falling apart, and he was supposed to make something to _catch_ the egg apparently, and he's fucked up _so bad._ And god bless Amy, cause for the _actual_ egg drop device, she has Mark add on an extra minute, and Ethan knows it's so he has a chance.

But there's too many choices, too many bright objects that he can't figure out how to use, and even though Mark is trying to do a bit, telling him, "Indecision will get you nowhere" all Ethan can decide to do is keep working on his broken shock mount.

When it, expectedly, fails because of course it was always going to fail, he's a failure, he can't focus, he can't do things right... he knows they feel bad for him. He knows they're trying to give him as many chances to succeed. Because obviously he can't succeed on his own. He can't. Fucking. Do it!

They still have so much to do when the video ends. So much to clean up. "I just have to get some water," Ethan tells them holding up his empty bottle. "I'll be right back to help clean up."

Ethan walks to the kitchen, his breath short and his hands shaking. He doesn't even notice the shadows weaving through his fingers until he reaches out to turn on the water.

His water bottle slips and crashes onto the tile, the clang echoing around him. "Stop," he whispers. It's always harder to dissolve the darkness when it appears than when he calls it to him. It continues to dance around his hand, refusing to leave. Ethan sighs, spinning it between his fingers. It's always easier when he's calm. He just needs to calm down.

"What are you doing?" Ethan freezes when he hears Tyler's voice. He looks down at his hand, the shadows still gathered around his fingers. The way he's positioned in front of the sink will make it hard to Tyler to see.

"Dropped my water," Ethan says chuckling. He turns around and sticks his hand in his pocket. Tyler's grabbed a paper towel to wipe the egg from his face.

Tyler frowns at Ethan. "You seem kinda spaced today."

"Yea, my ADHD is really acting up today," Ethan explains. It's not a lie. He can't get his body to keep up with his mind or even get his mind to function the way he wants it to. "I might try going back on medication."

Tyler nods. "It might be worth it." He nudges Ethan away from the sink and wets a paper towel, wiping at the egg still on his face. "Ugh." Tyler frowns.

"Heh, sorry about that," Ethan says. Tyler glares at Ethan before breaking into a small smile.

"What are you two doing lolly gagging about?" Mark asks sauntering into the kitchen. Ethan has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Sometimes Mark can be... extra.

Tyler examines his reflection in the window, checking for any remaining egg. "Regretting the choices I've made the led me to this moment."

"Oh, haha," Mark says rolling his eyes. He notices Ethan's water bottle on the floor, raising an eyebrow at Ethan's hands shoved in his pockets. "Why is your water bottle on the floor?"

"Cause I dropped it, duh," Ethan says rolling his eyes back and shaking his head for emphasis. He can still feel the darkness snaking around his fingers. _Go away._

"And, uh, are you gonna pick it up?" Mark asks examining Ethan.

 _Shit._ "Eh, maybe later," Ethan teases. He sends the shadows from one hand to the other, letting them gather in that pocket. "I like drinking water the old fashioned way." He nudges Tyler out of the way, turns on the tap, and starts drinking from it like it's a water fountain. _Fuck._

"What the _fuck_ are you _doing_?" Tyler asks staring at Ethan. "Jeez, Mark, where did you find this kid?" Tyler leans down and picks up Ethan's water bottle, slamming it down on the counter.

Mark chuckles at Ethan as he turns off the water and stands up with water dribbling down his chin. "He did a backflip for me at a convention and ended up following me home. Weird, right?"

"Haha, very funny," Ethan says. In his pocket, he can feel the shadows settle. He reaches up and wipes his chin. _No shadows. Thank Christ._ Tyler and Mark head back outside with more paper towels to clean off the laundry basket and some of the chairs. Once they're gone, Ethan fills his water.

He reaches back in his pocket, pulling out the cloud of darkness and directing it behind him. It spins away, dissolving into his shadow.

"What is up with Ethan?" Mark asks Tyler when they get back outside. "That was weird, right? And not like... _Ethan_ weird."

"I dunno man." Tyler turns on the hose and starts spraying the egg off the patio. "He said his ADHD has been acting up."

Mark nods, gathering the carcasses of eggs and the failed egg catchers together in a pile. "Yea, but like that wasn't his normal empty headedness. He just seemed... like really nervous?"

"What? Do you think something's wrong? Like that he was upset about his egg catcher?" Tyler asks. He sprays the hose a bit too close to Mark, who retaliates with a clump of gooey fuzz that falls short at Tyler's feet.

As he throws the eggs and contraptions into a trash bag, Mark hums softly and says, "Maybe? He seemed really distracted all day, I guess. Something else might have happened." Mark pauses and glances to the door. Ethan's still inside. "Did you notice how he was keeping his hands in his pockets?"

"That was a bit weird I guess," Tyler says, checking over his shoulder for signs of Ethan. "I just figured he was using a fidget to calm down."

Mark nods. "Yea, it did seem like he was fidgeting..." Ethan's shadow appears by the door. "Quick, get ready with the hose!"

"Hey guys, if it's alright-" Ethan's cut off when Tyler sprays him in the face with a bunch of water. "FUCK. TYLER." Tyler cackles, doubling over as he tries to catch his breath. "You're gonna pay for that!"

Mark watches as the two of them chase each other around, laughing whenever Tyler sprays Ethan again or when Ethan finally catches up to Tyler and dumps the water from his bottle onto Tyler's head.

There's probably nothing to actually worry about. Ethan's probably just had a rough day with ADHD, probably just needed to ground himself after the chaos of the videos.

It's still in the back of his mind though... Ethan's bottle on the floor and his hands shoved in his pockets, how nervous he looked when Mark came in... like he had been caught doing something wrong.

Like he was hiding something.

But this was Ethan. Goofy Ethan. He couldn't have anything serious to hide.

By the time Ethan got home, he barely had any energy left. Kathryn had gotten home before him, leaving a note about extra take out being in the fridge. Thank God for Kat. Honestly, he would not be able to survive without her. Only annoying thing is that she knew that.

They have an agreed rule not to go into each other's rooms without asking, and usually, Kat doesn't need anything from him anyway. When he needs alone time, he usually hangs a little "Do Not Disturb" sign on his door that he accidentally stole from a hotel. It wasn't his fault it got mixed in with a bunch of his stuff.

Tonight he needs quiet, so after heating up some leftovers, he hangs the sign on his doorknob, closes the door, and lets himself fall into darkness.

It's a while after Ethan and Tyler have left, even longer since they finished cleaning everything up and downloading the footage, that Mark is finally able to settle into the couch. Amy wanders in a second after, plopping next to him.

"Mark, who's phone is this?" Amy asks holding out a phone with a slightly cracked screen.

"Ah shit," Mark says. "I think it's Ethan's." Amy hands him the phone and he turns it over. On the back is a little crank sticker. "Yup." Mark sighs loudly. There is no way he has the energy to drop it off tonight. "You think he can live without it for one night?"

"He probably hasn't realized he's left it yet," Amy says. She pulls out her own phone. "I'll let Kathryn know, so she can tell him. If he wants it tonight, I can drop it off for him."

Mark smiles at Amy. "Have I told you you're the best?"

Usually Ethan's loud when he comes home. He never realizes how loud he can be. At this point, Kathryn's used to it. It's kind of nice hearing the front door slam and knowing that she's not home alone anymore, that Ethan's there to talk to if she feels like it.

He's quiet today though. She heard him heat up some food after he came back, but since then, she hasn't heard anything. Which is unusual for him. Usually he can never shut up, even if he's alone he's always talking out loud. It was a long day of filming though, and he stayed later than she did. He probably fell asleep. It wouldn't be the first time it's happened.

Her phone buzzes next to her, and she checks the message from Amy. _Ethan left his phone here. Let him know if he wants it I can drop it off :-)_

Kat sighs. Ethan spends so much time on his phone he practically needs it to function. And if he doesn't have to go pick it up, he'll probably want it. She takes another second before forcing herself to get up and go to let Ethan know.

He's hung up his "Do Not Disturb" sign, and he's still quiet. But he falls back to sleep really easily, and Kat knows he would want his phone if he took a second to realize it was missing. She knocks on the door, waits, knocks again, and _fuck it_ , opens the door. "Ethan?" His room's empty, but there's a plate on his desk. Probably from when he ate. He did come upstairs, right? He was quieter than usual, but she definitely heard him come up the stairs and close the door to his room. And the bathroom door's wide open.

She goes downstairs, but he's not there either and his car's still in the driveway.

Maybe he was just under his covers and she didn't see him? Kat walks back upstairs and turns on the lights to his room this time. Spencer's curled up at the foot of the bed, but there's definitely no one in the bed.

"Oh my god." She _heard_ someone. She heard Ethan. Where the fuck is he?

She sits down on the edge of the bed, Spencer clamoring to get attention from her as she sits there for a second, trying to sort through her thoughts. The plate has some bits of noodles on it, so it's definitely the leftovers from today. From when he got home.

It's no big deal. Ethan can take care of himself. Maybe he just went out for a walk and she didn't hear him leave?

For some reason, she can't shake the feeling that something's wrong. "Spencer, where's Ethan?" she asks finally giving in and scratching Spencer's head. He wags his tail and noses the bed before flipping onto his back. Not very helpful.

Obviously Ethan's okay. Obviously nothing bad has happened. But her heart's pounding and everything feels _off_.

"Kat?" Ethan stands in the doorway, staring at her. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"You left your phone at Mark's house," Kat says. He looks pale. "I was trying to find you to tell you, but you just disappeared?"

His hands are twitching at his side. Everything about him looks off and scared. "I... I just went outside for a bit. It's nice out."

Kat looks towards the window. It's cloudy outside and windy. Not raining, not bad enough weather to avoid going outside but not good enough weather to claim that "it's nice out".

Ethan's always been strange to her. Going from insane energy levels and constantly distracting himself while working to being quiet and withdrawn. It's not unusual for him to go out for a walk to clear his head, especially after a long day. Just... something about today... it feels like he's lying.

"I didn't hear the door open," Kat says. "You're always loud when you come in."

Ethan chuckles and runs his hand through his hand. "Come on, I'm not always loud."

"I have lived with you for how long?" Kat crosses her arms. Ethan's body seems to deflate. "You're always loud. I can always here you come in, especially when it's late at night."

"Why are you interrogating me?" Ethan snaps. He flops onto his bed, not bothering to stop his feet from hitting her. "I have the 'Do Not Disturb' sign up."

Now he's just being a bitch. "Cause you're acting weird, and I want to make sure you're alright." Ethan nudges her with his feet, trying to shove her off the bed. "Are you trying to piss me off?"

"I'm trying to get you to _leave_ ," Ethan says sitting up. "I want to be ALONE."

Ethan doesn't yell. Ethan especially doesn't yell at Kat, and he knows that if he does, he's fucked. Kat doesn't put up with shit from anyone, and Ethan, despite his inability to keep track of anything and stay focused, doesn't give her shit. Even when he's had bad days. Like the days where he doesn't get out of bed and barely leaves his room. He's not confrontational. He doesn't yell unless it's a bit or unless Mark is pushing his buttons too much.

"What the fuck is your problem today?" Kat asks. Her voice is harder than she wants it to be, but Ethan is really pissing her off. But there's still the feeling that something's off and that something's wrong. That she shouldn't leave him alone.

There are few times she's seen Ethan really mad. He's gotten worked up about politics and how shitty things are. He's gotten mad at people for being assholes when driving. This is different. Ethan's not scary, not even remotely, but right now she's scared. Right now her heart is pounding and she is resisting the urge to run. Because Ethan is quiet, and Ethan is rarely ever quiet. Because there are shadows under his eyes, and his eyes are so dark and hard. He is not a scary person. He is literally a puppy. But this Ethan is scary.

"I told you... to get out." His voice is quiet, but it makes Kat shiver. Spencer is cowering next to her. Even though the light is on, the room feels darker, quieter. She's not really a dog person, but Spencer is curled up next to her, and something about him and how soft he is makes her feel a bit safer.

Ethan's supposed to be Soft Boi. He is not supposed to be cryptic and quiet. He is not supposed to scare Spencer, and he sure as hell isn't supposed to scare Kat. Fuck this shit, this is just Ethan.

"Look, I don't know what the hell happened today, but you're acting super weird and I don't think I should leave you alone," Kat says. She holds her breath for a second. Ethan's eyes lock onto hers. His expression is darker than she's ever seen it.

"Who says you have a choice?" The lights in the room flick off, covering the room in shadows and darkness.

"Ethan!" Kat reaches across the bed, feeling for Ethan. The bed's empty, cold. Almost like he was never there. Spencer presses against her, and she clutches him, her heart pounding.

What the _fuck_ is happening?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for kidnapping/human trafficking

Kat's still sitting at the foot of the bed, frozen with Spencer pressed against her. For the first time, Ethan feels out of control, the darkness and shadows spreading out from him and crowding around Kat, surrounding her completely.

He didn't mean to do that. Didn't mean to send the shadows to her. Spencer's whining softly. "It's okay boy," Ethan whispers softly. He reaches out, patting Spencer's head. "It's... it's okay." His voice breaks and his eyes start to water. _Shit_. He fucked up so bad.

He just wanted her to leave. He wanted to be alone and she wouldn't leave and she hadn't even known he was there. And he thought appearing and telling her to leave would be enough... but Kat could be stubborn and she hadn't been listening and something snapped.

Kat doesn't get scared often. Sometimes a movie will freak her out. She doesn't like walking alone at night and will be scared until she gets home and sees Ethan. He knows that. He knows that cause they've lived together for years, and they take care of each other.

And now he's snapped and she's going to find out about him. He had hidden it for years... from everyone. This wasn't supposed to happen. He's just a fucking _failure._

He holds his hand out, calling the shadows out to him, watching as they gather around him and hide him once more. Kathryn gasps when the shadows disappear, and she sits there shaking for a second, looking around the room.

"Ethan?" she calls out, her voice shaking.

She looks so scared... he's never seen her this scared... never thought he could make her this scared... Why the fuck does he have to be such an idiot?

"Ethan!" she shouts this time, but she still doesn't move. "Fuck, Spencer... do you think... do you think he's okay?"

Spencer lets out a soft whine, and Ethan breaks, tears falling down his face as he sobs. He pulls the darkness closer, trying to block out what he's seeing, letting himself disappear completely.

Kat doesn't move for a while. She sits with Spencer in Ethan's room, waiting for him to crawl out from under the bed or jump from the closet. He's probably just waiting to scare her and then he'll laugh and she'll yell and it'll be okay.

She doesn't know how much time has passed when Spencer jumps off the bed and looks up at her. But when she checks the time, it's over an hour later. "Do you need to go out?" she asks Spencer. He wags his tail and chases behind her as she goes downstairs and grabs his leash. It's already dark out... but they'll be fine. It's not like they live in a sketchy area, and she always has pepper spray on her keys. Spencer usually doesn't go too far anyway, just a few houses down and they'll be back.

She leaves the house, making sure the door is locked behind her. If Ethan left and gets locked out because he forgot his keys, he can fucking deal. She is not coming home to some random creep in their house.

The two of them get a few houses away before Spencer finally stops and pees. Kat can't shake the feeling that she's being watched. "You done?" she asks Spencer, but he just wags his tail and waits to keep going. "Seriously?" He had been cooped up most of the day... and who knows where Ethan went and when he'll be back. She's still not sure what happened... why everything went dark and quiet... but she doesn't want to think about that. Not right now. Not outside in the dark.

Headlights shine down the road, slowing as they reach her. "Come on," she whispers to Spencer, leading him back to the house. When she glances back over her shoulder, the car continuing to slow until it is next to her. _Maybe it's just Mark or Amy. With Ethan's phone._ But the window rolls down and there's a man in the driver seat smiling at her and everything about the situation is screaming danger. "Let's get home to Ethan," she says to Spencer, loud enough for the man to hear. To let him know someone's waiting for her. Even if it's not true.

"Do you know where the nearest gas station is?" he asks leaning out the window.

"Nope, sorry, new to the area," Kat says. She reaches into her pocket and pulls out her pepper spray. "Why don't you check your phone? I got to get home to my boyfriend." A definite lie, but maybe that will get him to back off.

"Maybe I can come with you?" He winks at her. Her hands start to shake, but she ignores him, picking up the pace, grateful Spencer isn't stopping. It's just a few houses away. "Hey! It's rude to ignore someone talking to you!"

Kat keeps walking, almost jogging, but she falters when she hears the car door slam. "Go get Ethan!" she tells Spencer, dropping his leash. He freezes for a second, then runs back towards the house. He won't find Ethan, Kat knows that, but god, Ethan would kill- he would... if Spencer got hurt... Ethan loves Spencer. She couldn't let Spencer get hurt.

Her hand closes on the pepper spray in her pocket, pulling it out as she turns to face the man approaching her. "Is it too much to ask for some goddamn fucking manners?" he yells. She holds up the pepper spray, turning her face away, but before she can spray him, the man twists her arm. She screams, the pepper spray dropping from her hand. "You're gonna make a great fucking whore, you know that, right?"

No. _No no no._ This is not happening. Kat screams again, kicking her legs at him, trying to break free as he shoves her to the ground. "Stay still bitch!" he snaps kicking her. She gasps for air and grabs at her stomach, trying to catch her breath, trying to do _anything_. Oh _fuck._ _Shit._ He picks her up, shoving her towards the van. Kat pushes back, kicks at his ankles, bites at his hands. He doesn't let go, keeps shoving her, and _fuck_ this is really gonna happen and she can't- she can't-

"Leave her the fuck alone!" The man pauses, still holding Kat's shoulder, his other hand wrapped around her throat.

Kat turns, looking towards the voice, the voice she knows, that she's rarely heard angry, but today has been different and fucked up, and Ethan is standing there, shadows dancing around him and he looks wrong and not like Ethan. The man starts to laugh, but Ethan holds out his hand and something _dark_ reaches out, flickering through the air until it reaches the man restraining Kat. It surrounds him like smoke, swallowing him. Kat breaks away, pressing her back against the van as Ethan keeps walking towards them, his hand still stretched out like he's _fucking controlling_ the smoke and _fuck_ is he?

Next to her, the man disappears into the shadows. They melt away gathering back around Ethan and disappearing into the dark. His shoulders droop for a second as he meets Kat's eyes. She stays frozen against the van, staring at her friend, her housemate as he smiles sadly.

"Hey Kat."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kat has no fuck what's going on and Ethan is regretting every decision he's ever made

Kat stares at him like she doesn't recognize him... like he's dangerous.

But, he guesses, he just made a man disappear... he is dangerous.

None of this was supposed to happen. He just needed to be alone, needed time to breathe...but when he heard Spencer barking outside the front door, it startled him up and outside. And when he saw Kat... when he saw what that _asshole_ was trying to do, what he _was_ doing... something snapped inside him again. Before today, he's never sent his shadows to someone else. He's never used them to hide himself that way... and he never fucking thought he could trap a man in the darkness.

He shivers, still staring at Kat. Ethan tries to smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes, and he's so _fucking_ tired and he can't deal with this right now. Can't deal with the way she's staring at him like he might hurt her, like she doesn't know who is and all he is _is a threat._

 _He can't fucking deal with this._ He's too fucking tired, and the shadows are dancing around his feet, climbing up his legs. It'd be so easy to disappear again, hide inside the shadows.

But he has to deal with this.

Ethan is not dangerous. Ethan is no scary. Ethan _cannot make a man disappear into thin air._ Kat stares at Ethan, but he's not angry. There's dark circles under his eyes and fog or _something_ swirling around his feet. Just. His. _Feet._ Like he has a fucking fog machine running behind him.

"This is a joke, right?" Kat says. "Cause haha, real funny!"

His smile falters, but obviously it's fake anyway. "Kat." Ethan's voice breaks. He reaches up to his face, tendrils of smoke dripping from his fingers and gathering at his feet.

"Cause this is real messed up!" Kat laughs, tears gathering in her eyes. "This is a real fucked up joke."

"It's... it's not a joke Kat." Ethan takes a step towards her, and she flinches, turning her face away. She's still huddled against that van, that fucking van that she almost... almost... her legs give out, but something catches her, gently lowering her to the ground. She sobs and covers her eyes. "It'll be alright Kat." Ethan touches her shoulder gently, his hand cold. She feels something slip from his fingers, the same smoke... the same smoke that he... that...

"STOP!" Kat tries to get up, tries to fight her way free, but her whole body hurts and her voice is raspy.

Ethan's voice is soft, so soft. "Just go to sleep for a bit." She opens her eyes, and he's kneeled in front of her, the smoke that was around his feet swirling around them both. Her heart is pounding and breathing is hard. _Holy shit he's gonna fucking kill me._ But his eyes are soft, and his smile is sad, and this _feels like Ethan._ Like the Ethan who sometimes shouts and sings because he feels like it and dances when he cooks and is always forgetting shit but also doing nice shit for her. _It's Ethan._ "I'll be here when you wake up, Kat. It's alright. I'm right here."

The smoke darkens the light around her, making it feel even darker than the night had. But it's not scary anymore. It's quiet and safe in the darkness. Her eyes close slowly. The last thing she hears is Ethan, promising, "I'm staying right here."

It's strange, sharing the shadows with someone, knowing that someone is hidden with him. It's hard, but he's able to carry Kat inside with the help of the shadows dancing around them. He's never used them like this before, to manipulate objects, but it's easy. Easy to use them to open and shut the door, to help him settle her on her bed.

He's not supposed to be in her room without her permission, but she'd rather be in her bed than his bed. And he doesn't feel like testing how far he can be from his shadows. Not tonight.

So he sits at the foot of the bed, using the shadows to comfort her until she stops shaking, and after a while, his breathing slows and his eyes close.

When he wakes up, the shadows are still gathered around him and Kat, and she's still snoring. She's less pale than she had been, and if she wakes up in a pitch black room without being able to hear anything outside, she'll freak out. So he gathers the shadows back around him, keeping one in his hand to play with as he sits and waits for her to wake up.

She's gonna be pissed. She's going to be pissed and scared because he used his shadows to shut her up and get her to leave which _fuck._ Why the fuck did he do that? It was totally fucked up. And what if he went too far? What if he went too far and _made her fucking disappear_? And is that man even gone, or is he just trapped in the shadows? If Ethan were to go back out there and check, would he be able to call back his shadows and reveal the man? Would he even want to?

_Fuck._

This is so fucked up. He fucked all this up. _Fuck._

Kat's snoring stops, and he jumps, his heart pounding. Ethan forces the shadows to stay behind him, keeping one in his hand. It takes all his focus not to disappear again. He promised he wouldn't leave. He won't leave.

Kat's eyes stay closed, but her breathing has gotten faster and her body has stiffened. Without realizing it, Ethan's sent some shadows to gather around them again, shutting out the bright light from outside and all the noise. "Kat?" he whispers. She doesn't move. "Kat, I'm so sorry. I... I fucked up. I... didn't mean to hurt you or scare you, and you were never supposed to find out about this and _fuck_." Ethan presses his hands into his eyes, taking a deep breath as he tries to catch his breath. But his heart is pounding and his chest hurts and _he can't breathe_.

Kat shifts next to him, sitting up. He can feel his shadows leave her and come back to him, knows he must be disappearing right in front of her eyes, and that she's probably happy to see him go cause _fuck_ he could have really hurt her yesterday without meaning to and it's all his fault that she almost got kidnapped cause he wasn't taking care of Spencer and-

"Ethan." Kat's voice is exasperated. Her hand closes around his wrist and she yanks him. "Stop that!"

He laughs slightly. Ethan wipes his eyes and places his hands in his lap. The shadows are surrounding him and Kat. He's not sure if he let her in or not. Not sure if he's actually hidden or if he's just covered in darkness. "I'm so sorry," he says. His voice is hoarse. "I shouldn't have scared you."

Kat rolls her eyes. "You're not the one who tried to abduct me."

"But I am the one who hid instead of taking care of Spencer! I always walk him, and it's my fault-" His voice breaks again, and he buries his face in his hands. "Kat. I've been hiding this for so long. I'm so sorry. I... I didn't want you to find out, but then you wouldn't leave me alone, and I was so angry, and I didn't even realize what I was doing, but it made you so scared... and then I think I _killed_ that fucking man! Which he definitely deserved, but _fuuck._ " His shoulders shake and he draws in a deep breath. "Kat, I'm so sorry."

"What is this then?" Kat pokes at the shadows surrounding them. At her touch, they ripple and dissipate slightly. It makes Ethan shudder.

" _Please_ don't touch them like that," he says sighing. "It's my shadow."

Kat raises an eyebrow and frowns at him. "This is _not_ a fucking shadow, Ethan."

"Watch." He holds out his hand, and the shadows gather in his hand slowly, the dome around them dissipating until it's gone completely. The shadows dance in his hand before disappearing behind him. "My shadows."

Kat barks out a laugh. "You're so much weirder than I knew." Her voice is strained and she's still pale. "What did you even do last night?"

"I... don't know..." Ethan stares at his hands. "After you wouldn't leave... I accidentally sent the shadows to you... I've never done it before, and I didn't even realize what I was doing... but that's no excuse and it was _extremely_ fucked up for me to do that, so I'm obviously sorry." Kat raises her eyebrows again. "But after that, I used them to hide myself, like this." He gathers them around his body until Kat's hard to see. When he does that, she actually jumps. So he quickly sends the darkness behind him again.

"So you can just turn _fucking invisible_?" Kat asks, her jaw dropping.

Ethan shrugs and answers, "I guess, but it's different. I can make everything around me quiet too, make it so I don't exist or nothing around me exists. So last night... when I heard Spencer and saw you... I guess... I just... made that man stop existing?" Ethan winces, turning away from Kathryn. "Which I didn't even know I could do, and if I think about it too much, I think I'm going to have a panic attack, and if that happens, I usually just end up hiding in my shadow."

"Which is why I couldn't find you yesterday," Kat says. "You were upset after filming?"

Ethan nods. "And then the shadows came on their own, to comfort me, and Tyler and Mark almost saw. And on top of everything, it made me feel like I was failing." Ethan's shoulders droop and he sighs. "I just... don't know if I'm good enough sometimes."

Kat smacks his shoulder. "That's just your depression and anxiety. Obviously you're good enough. Like you're not _perfect_ or even _good_ for that matter," she teases nudging him again, "but you're okay."

Ethan laughs and nudges her back. "Thanks Kat." He stares at his hands and shudders. "You won't...?"

"I don't think anyone would believe me," Kat says. "But Mark would definitely want to make a video using that idea." The two of them laugh before relaxing into the quiet again. Kat takes a deep breath. "How did you get me to calm down last night?"

Ethan shrugs. A shadow snakes into his hand, weaving around his fingers. Kat watches it as it dances through his hand. "I'm always calmest when I'm in the shadows. So I figured the same might be true for you. I stayed here with them surrounding us both, so you could sleep."

"Can I... Can I hold it?" Kat asks holding out her hand. Ethan hesitates. It's his shadow... he doesn't know what it'd be like to have someone else hold it. But he reaches out and the shadow slips into her palm, resting there for a second. It doesn't move like it does when he holds it, but he also knows he's usually controlling it without realizing. But even with it just plopped there, little tendrils seeping from it, Kat is ecstatic. She smiles and holds it up to her eyes, staring at it like it's entrancing.

He never imagined someone else could find his shadows as beautiful as he does.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan is having a hard time dealing

It's weird sitting on Kat's bed. He never even goes into her room, only goes in when she asks him to get something or if she says he can borrow something. So being on her bed, sitting together in silence as she holds part of his shadow, _part of him_ is as fucking weird as it can get.

"Have you always had a shadow?" Kat asks. She slips the shadow into her other hand, like she's guiding a caterpillar around her hand. "Or did it just appear one day?"

Ethan shrugs and calls his shadow back to him to toy with in his hand. Kat frowns slightly as it leaves her hand. "I'm not sure? It's been there as long as I remember. But it's not like my parents ever noticed or said anything. But I also didn't learn to manipulate the shadows until I was older, and by then, it was just something I kept to myself. It just felt like it was supposed to be a secret. I never saw anyone else with a shadow, so I figured maybe everyone had one and I just could only see my own. But no TV shows mentioned it, and everyone only talked about shadows as things cast by something blocking the sun."

Kat nods. "So you've never told anyone before?" Ethan shakes his head. "Wow, um, do you wish I didn't know?"

Ethan turns to Kat, the shadow snaking around his fingers as he examines her. The dark circles around her eyes, her nervous smile. He's lived with her for a while now, and they've been friends for even longer. Of everyone he's known, he's probably one of the people that knows him best. "I mean, I wish all that shit hadn't happened yesterday, but I'm glad you know." Ethan shudders, remembering that _asshole._ How Kat looked pinned to the ground under him, how helpless and broken... like she didn't think she'd be okay. Is that man still out there? Still hidden by shadows? God, he fucking hopes not. Hopes that man is dead. The shadow slithers up his arm, resting around his shoulders. The weight grounds him. Kat's here next to him still, her eyes wide. "What... what about you? Are you... do I scare you?" Ethan's voice breaks slightly.

Kat laughs, and Ethan relaxes. "You're a soft boi, Ethan. You could never scare me." But he remembers how she looked at him last night, like she didn't recognize him. Like he scared her as much as the man who had tried to kidnap her. She had been ready to run from him. He's still not sure how he got her to calm down so quickly, even with the help of the shadows. Hell, _especially_ with the help of the shadows. If it were him and he just saw darkness surrounding him after almost getting kidnapped, he would be fucking screaming and running. But Kat's always been tougher than him.

"Thanks... for trusting me," Ethan says. He smiles slightly. The shadow slips back into his palm, circling before it settles.

Again, Kat laughs and rolls her eyes. "Thanks for saving my fucking life."

It's different now that Kat knows. After they talked for a bit- and made a ground rule that if Ethan ever needs to hide for a bit, he has to tell her-, they go downstairs to make breakfast or lunch or whatever the hell the meal should be for the time they're eating.

As they're cooking and eating, Ethan keeps the shadow nestled around his shoulders. Every time Kat looks at him, looks at his shadow, he has the instinct to hide it. But she smiles at it instead, and his body relaxes. Because he's safe with her now that she knows.

Thankfully he can just stay home to work today. Edit some videos for Mark, hopefully either record or stream for his own channel. He and Kat agree to order in dinner. Not quite to celebrate, but just cause they don't feel like dealing with cooking tonight. And because after last night, they deserve a break.

Spencer is whining by the door, so Ethan tells Kat he'll clean up when he comes back from walking Spencer.

It's a nice day out at least. Ethan almost forgets to hide his shadow when he walks outside, already used to the weight of it on his shoulders, but he remembers as soon as the sunlight hits him and Spence. It's one of those days where the sun is really strong and warm, but it's a lil chilly. Ethan whistles to himself, enjoying the warmth on his skin. There's something about the smell of fall, all the leaves and pine needles, that makes him feel like he's back in Maine on a weirdly warm fall day. It's peaceful.

Until he sees the van. Ethan's breath stops. He freezes, his legs shaking under him. Spencer looks up at Ethan, wagging his tail and pacing in front of him.

The lights are off. They were definitely on last night, but the battery must have died at some point. Or the car ran out of gas. Or both. That's how cars work, right?

There's nothing here that can hurt him. Ethan takes a deep breath. It catches in his throat, and he starts choking. He hunches over, toppling onto the ground and barely catching himself on the sidewalk. _It's over. Kat's safe. You're safe. It's over._

Shadows gather at his fingertips, but instead of covering himself, he holds his hand out to the van. The darkness shoots forward, colliding with the front windshield and shattering it. Ethan screams, pulling more shadows from behind him as he propels them to the van, cracking the windows, denting the metal, surrounding it until it vanishes completely.

He crumples forward, tears flowing freely. _Fuck. FUCK._

Because of his goddamn pity party and freakout, Kat could have died. She could have been taken away and sold and used and no one would know what had happened. And it would have been his fault.

Ethan pulls his shadow back, the darkness swirling frantically as it encompasses him, quieting his thoughts until his breathing slows.

Kat jumps when there's a loud cracking sound outside. Of course, it's probably nothing. Sounds like it's a bit away. Probably just something doing yard work or some shit.

But then there's this awful sound, like something's being crushed, and she can't really ignore that. But it's probably nothing. Definitely nothing.

Kat opens the front door, staring.

On the ground is Ethan, Spencer hiding behind him as shadows flying from his hand towards a van.

 _Shit._ That's the van from last night, isn't it? The metal is crushing in on itself, the shattered glass sprinkling onto the ground as darkness surrounds the van until _it fucking disappears._

Okay, she's seen this happen. And it should be much less terrifying because this is just an inanimate object. But it's not. Because it's so much more destructive. Because soft boi Ethan should not be able to _destroy a fucking van._

 _Shit._ It was so loud, and what if other people heard and are watching? What if they see Ethan and realize what he can do and some secret branch of the government that deals with shit like this takes him away?

Kathryn hurries towards him, but he's already gathering the darkness back around him. Not just to hide but to _fucking disappear which he isn't supposed to do._

 _"Ethan!"_ Kat yells. Spencer is still standing near Ethan, wagging his tail. He whines softly and lays down. Kat grabs at the air, but it's empty. But hell, he's not going to spend the day hiding in the middle of the fucking street even if he is intangible. "Ethan, so help me god, once we get inside, you can do this shit, but I don't care if I can barely see you! I'm going to watch you walk your ass back to the house."

There's a slight shadow on the ground next to Spencer. Kat reaches forward again, this time her hand hitting something. "Up! Get up!" She wraps her hand around what she thinks- what she _hopes_ \- is Ethan's arm. The shadow moves. The air next to her shimmers slightly until the shadow grows darker and Ethan emerges from it. Her hand is clasped around his wrist, and without fighting her, she tugs him and Spencer back home.

His face is pale as she leads him to the couch, and he doesn't so much lay down on it as fall. She takes off Spencer's leash and hangs it by the door. By the time she looks back, Ethan's gone.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kat makes Ethan talk it out

Kat's never seen Ethan like this. Angry to the point of destruction. And fuck, it's scary. He's still on the couch. Probably. Maybe? There's no real way to know.

He's obviously not okay. And hiding in his shadow or whatever the fuck he's doing isn't going to help. She's let him be for long enough, but it's been almost an hour.

"We need to talk about what happened yesterday," she says sitting on the chair across from the couch. Because he's still on the couch. Right? "You're obviously not okay, and you're not gonna just hide for the rest of your life."

The shadows appear on the couch, forming an Ethan shaped space. "Why not?" his muffled voice whines.

"Because you need to deal with this. Plus you still have to pay half of the rent and you can't do that if you're hiding away from everything." Kat crosses her arms and glares at the Ethan-shadow.

The shadows break a bit more as Ethan sits up, pulling one knee to his chest. "It's so much easier Kat. It's... I almost hurt you yesterday. Just to keep you from finding out and because I was mad... You almost got kidnapped because I was being stupid."

Kat resists the urge to smack him because even though he needs some sense knocked into him, hitting him probably wouldn't help. "We talked about this already, and I'm going to keep saying it until you start listening. You are not the one who tried to kidnap me. You are the one who saved me. You cannot blame yourself for that."

The shadows break a bit more as Ethan runs his hand through his hair. He's almost fully visible. "But I still... I used my shadow against you."

"Yea, you did," Kat agrees. "And obviously we need to work on your control of the shadows so that doesn't happen again." Ethan slumps back into the shadows again. "But you also can't blame yourself for the rest of it."

"But Kaaat!" Ethan whines. "It is my fault! If I hadn't disappeared, you wouldn't have had to take Spencer out and-"

Kat sighs and rolls her eyes. "Ethan! You. Didn't. Try. To. Kidnap. Me."

"But if I hadn't-"

"You're not listening to me," Kat says. "Say I decided to go for a walk on my own and a guy tried to kidnap me. Would that be my fault?"

"No, but-"

"What if I got really drunk at a bar and a guy took me home with him and raped me? That wouldn't be my fault, right?"

"Of course not! But Kat-"

"What if when I was at a bar, I left one of my friends alone to go to the bathroom and they ended up getting drunk. It would be my fault because I left them alone."

Ethan's exasperated now. He's sent the shadow behind him and is waving his hands around wildly. "Of course not Kat! You didn't drug them!"

"And you didn't kidnap me. Shit happens. You gotta remind yourself it's not your fault." Ethan rubs at his forehead. "Say it."

Ethan sighs and grumbles quietly, "It's not my fault."

Kat leans towards him. "What was that? What wasn't your fault?"

"It's not my fault that some asshole tried to kidnap you," Ethan says a little louder.

"Again!" Kat demands standing up.

Ethan jumps up. "It's not my fault." His voice is stronger this time, and his hands are no longer moving around wildly. Kat grabs his shoulders, and before she can tell him to say it again, he shouts, "IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" A smile breaks out across his face and he spins her around, singing this time. "Oh! Yea! It's not my fault! Oh! Yea! That guy's at fault!" Kat joins in, spinning around with him as they sing together.

Spinning is maybe a bad idea because when they flop onto the couch, the room is tilted and Kat feels like she's about to puke. But Ethan's laughing and his face is a bit brighter. His shadow's still a little more visible than usual, but his eyes are crinkled up.

As long as he remembers, he'll be okay.

But Kat remembers the awful screeching of the van being crushed, the hardened expression on his face last night when he made the man disappear. It's hard to look at the soft boi next to her and remember what he can actually do.

But he'll be okay. It'll be alright.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The PTSD is real

Every morning at breakfast, Kat makes him say that what happened wasn't his fault and why it wasn't his fault. It gets kind of annoying, but it helps. He doesn't always believe it when he says it, but he says it anyway, if only to make Kat happy.

But it's been a few days now, and it's getting easier. Things feel normal, but... different? Sometimes the two of them will be bored and without realizing, Ethan will gather a bit of his shadow to dance around the room for them to watch. He's getting used to Kat holding his shadow. Without even realizing it, if they're sitting watching TV together, he'll end up giving her part of his shadow to hold.

It's different in the best possible way. For once, he doesn't have to hide this part of himself.

There's still bad days, bad nights where he dreams about Kat being taken away or the man emerging from the shadows. Sometimes in his dreams, he loses control and his shadows encompass Kat until she disappears. Those are always the worst. But Kat's always there when he wakes up. Still okay.

A few times, he'll find her downstairs watching TV with bags under her eyes, and it's obvious a nightmare woke her up. But he doesn't say anything. Just sits next to her and shares his darkness until she feels safe enough to sleep.

Kat doesn't talk about what happened to her. She encourages Ethan to remind himself it's not his fault and they talk it out every so often. But she doesn't talk about what could've gone wrong. She seems okay though. When she's awake at least. The nights are rough for both of them.

Ethan's having one of those rough nights now. His mind keeps showing him images of all the things that could've gone wrong. Kat being shoved into the truck, being raped, being broken down until none of her is left. And there's the image that will haunt him for a while... of her face when she saw him, when she saw what he could do.

When he gathers the shadows around him, his brain finally quiets down. He doesn't let himself fully disappear, just in case Kat needs him, but it helps.

Until he hears screaming. He gathers the shadow are his hand, running to Kat's door. "Kat!" he shouts. "Kat, I'm coming in!" Ethan shoves open the door. Her covers are twisted around her as she shakes, tears streaming down her face. Ethan sits down next to her, holding his hands to her face and covering the two of them in darkness. It takes time, but her breathing slows. She stops shaking and becomes still again.

He's not supposed to be in her room without asking. He should leave. But if he takes his shadow with him, will she be okay? Ethan slides onto the floor, close enough for to be there but not on top of her so she won't get mad at him in the morning. He leans his head against her bed and pulls his knees to his chest. It takes a few seconds, but he finally gets comfortable enough to close his eyes.

"Ethan?"

"Nrghh," Ethan groans swatting away the hand on his shoulder.

"Ethan, what are you doing in my room?"

Oh. _Oh._ Shit. His eyes snap open and he looks at Kat with a small smile. She has bags under her eyes. "You were having a nightmare. I-I heard you screaming."

"Oh." Kat's mouth opens slightly. "Well... thanks then."

Ethan cracks his neck and turns to face Kat. "Do you... wanna talk about it?"

Kat sighs and pokes at the shadow that's still surrounding them. Ethan shudders. He still _hates_ when she pokes at his shadow. "I just... in my nightmare, the man got me into his van..." She trails off. She doesn't really need to elaborate. Ethan's had the same nightmare about that happening.

"Do you... have this nightmare a lot?" Kat shrugs, looking away from Ethan. "Kat?"

"Every now and again," she admits. She still won't look at Ethan. "It's fine though. I'm safe, and that's all that matters."

Ethan moves onto the bed next to her, and when she doesn't yell at him to get off, he lays down at her feet. "Kat. What happened was scary as shit. You know you're allowed to be scared, right? Like you don't have to pretend you're okay if you're not."

"It's really fine Ethan. I just-"

"Nope," Ethan says. He raises his hand and points towards Kat. "You made me deal with what I did and you still make me remind myself it wasn't my fault. So I'm gonna do the same, and I'm gonna remind you that you shouldn't pretend you're okay." Ethan flops onto his stomach. He props his chin on his hands and stares at Kat. She's playing with a loose thread on her comforter. "What happened to you was fucked up, and sure, you're okay. And we can thank whatever god there might be that you're okay. But you also shouldn't think that you have to be okay just because you got saved. That was some traumatic shit you went through."

Kat laughs and wipes at her eyes. "It was pretty fucked up."

"It was totally fucked up!" Ethan throws his arms forward. He flops onto his back again. Kat's crying a bit. "Do you think we should go to real therapy?"

Kat chuckles. "And tell them what? My friend with superpowers has a shadow he can use to make people disappear and he saved my life?"

Ethan laughs, his whole body shaking as he imagines trying to explain to a therapist all the shit that's happened. "Okay, well, you can just tell them that you almost got kidnapped?"

"I dunno how helpful therapy would be if I was lying the whole time." Kat flips around putting her head next to Ethan's. He hums softly. She reaches up and draws shapes into the shadow surrounding them. It tickles a bit.

They lay like that for a bit. Every so often Kat will let out a sob and start crying. Fuck, he's just glad she's finally letting herself feel.

Every so often they sleep in the same room. Sometimes Ethan will ask Kat to sit with him until he falls asleep. Other times Kat calls him in and they sit together as she cries until she's worn out. Every time, Ethan gathers his shadow to protect them. It helps, having their space that they can exist together where no one else can bother them.

It's a new routine, one that can be hard, but every day, it gets a bit easier.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan's gotten used to Kat knowing about his shadow. But he's not ready to tell anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of this story, Kat and Ethan are still Mark's editors, but it's set about a year ago.

It takes time, but Ethan starts being able to sleep in his own bed and Kat stops having nightmares as often. He still checks up on her before going to bed, and she does the same, but it's become a lot more frequent that they're sleeping in their own beds.

It's been almost a month since the incident... since Kat found out and was almost taken away. He's always dreaded someone finding out about his shadow... what would happen. Well, what happened that night was an absolute _shit show_. But the rest of it has been good. It's nice knowing that if he wants to, he can just fidget with a shadow while watching TV or cooking dinner or just when they're sitting around talking. Kathryn _still_ pokes at it when he uses it to surround them, but it doesn't bother him as much. But it's still fucking annoying when she just _pokes._ It's fine when she draws in it or holds it, but whatever.

The two of them used to go to Mark's all the time to work. Even though it was a bit of a drive, it was worth it cause it was always easier with Mark's equipment. But since Mark doesn't give a fuck if they work from home, since the incident they haven't gone there to work. Partly because neither of them felt ready to see anyone else, felt ready to lie about how they've been doing. But also because Ethan realized he works much better when he can use his shadow freely.

They're sitting in their rooms, doors open so they can hear each other working. Every so often, Ethan sends a little wisp of his shadow to circle around Kat before coming back to him. Every time he does, he can hear her laugh. He could just leave it there with her, but he doesn't his shadow, even if it's just a small part, being away from him.

He's just waiting for the video to render at this point, so he send a bunch of wisps to Kat's room, knowing that they'll circle around her and even if it distracts her, she doesn't seem to give a fuck. She's giggling again, and he smiles as he feels her hold out her hand and catch one of the shadows.

"Don't poke!" he shouts out of habit.

"I know!" she yells back.

"I'll take it back if you poke it!" There's a soft snort from her room. He smiles again as he turns to check the progress. As he does, his phone buzzes, Mark's name lighting up.

Ethan pauses staring at the call. He hasn't been talking to Mark as much the past month, too focused on dealing with all this shit to have a real conversation. But Mark's technically his boss, so he takes a deep breath and answers with his happiest voice. "Hey Mark! What's up?"

"Hey! Feel like we haven't talked in forever... sorry about that. I've just been so caught up in planning this project... but I figured it's about time for another Markiplier Makes! I already talked to Tyler, and as long as you're free, we can plan to record this week! So, do you think you can come over?"

He... didn't notice. Didn't notice that Ethan was pulling away. Didn't realize that since the last Markiplier Makes recording, Ethan hasn't reached out or come over to work. Does Mark think it's his fault? Or is Mark just so oblivious that he never noticed? Should Ethan even worry about Mark noticing that he's changed? That things are different? "Yea, definitely! Kat and I have just been editing for you anyways. Do you want her to come over for filming?" Kat being there sounds less scary. But it's just his friends. Why is he scared?

"That'd be great! I figure we can do Thursday around noon if that works for you?"

"Yea man! We'll see you then!" Ethan's faking a smile. Why is he faking a smile? Mark can't even see him.

"Great! We can order in afterwards and all catch up too! It feels like forever since I've seen you guys!" Mark laughs. He laughs because he doesn't know what's happened since the last time he saw Ethan. What almost happened to Kat.

"Yea, I know man." Ethan chuckles too, but it feels forced. "I gotta finish up this video for you, but I'll see you soon!" He hangs up without waiting for a response.

"Ethan?" He turns and smiles weakly at Kat. She's standing in the door way watching him. "What were you talking about?"

He lets his face fall and slumps back into his chair. "Mark wants to do another Markiplier Makes. So we're going over Thursday." Shit! He didn't even ask Kat if she was free or even wanted to.

But instead of being mad, Kat just shrugs and sits on his bed. "Alright. Why do you seem so upset then?" Kat's still been seeing people. Talking to friends. Since Kat found out, Ethan's been too scared to talk to anyone. To have someone find him out again.

"It's just... weird now." Ethan runs his hand through his hair. "Like... it used to be so easy to lie about it, but now you know, and god! It's so much easier _not_ to lie, but I don't want to tell Mark. I don't want to tell anyone else yet. I don't think I'm ready."

"Then don't lie," Kat says. "It's not like they're gonna ask if you have superpowers-" Ethan opens his mouth to object, but Kat just rolls her eyes. "It does _not_ count if it's for a bit."

Ethan sighs and fiddles with his shadow. "So much has happened... they'll just know... I'm not good at lying Kat."

"You had me fooled, and we live together." Ethan smiles slightly. He doesn't try to argue it's different now. They both know it's not the same. "What happened that night was fucked up, but also, it's over, right? And we can still be freaked out about it and get upset, and maybe it changed some things. But aside from you doing shadow shows now, not much has changed?"

"Kat, you realize the whole dynamic of our friendship has changed, right?" Kat raises her eyebrows. "How often did you used to check on me before going to bed or let me in your room to sit with you while you worked?"

She rolls her eyes. "People get closer when they live together all the time."

"Not because of trauma." Ethan looks away from Kat. Fuck, he wishes he had some water. His mouth is dry as _shit._

Kat's voice is quieter. "Okay. I guess I see your point... but it's just going to be filming and hanging out with friends. When's the last time you talked to anyone besides me?"

"I recorded with Sean a while-"

"Outside of gaming! When's the last time you left the house or called a friend and just talked?"

Ethan sighs. "Okay, I see _your_ point." They sit in silence for a moment. Ethan takes a deep breath. "It's just... the last time I filmed with Mark... it was such a bad time. I couldn't focus, and I felt like an idiot. And then because I was upset..." He trails off. "But it's not my fault what happened afterwards." He looks back at Kat and she smiles. "Okay. I'm going to do this. It'll be fun."

"It will be!" Kat agrees. "And it's not like anyone actually does well when you guys do Markiplier Makes." Ethan laughs. She's honestly right. But it's still hard when he wants to do better. Wants to prove to everyone he's not an idiot.

"Alright." He points at Kat. "But if Mark starts doing a bit where he makes fun of _me_ , you're gonna step in and tell him off."

Kat smirks. "With pleasure."

It's finally Thursday. Ethan groans and forces himself up, checking the time. It's already 10:30, so he only has an hour before they have to leave. He really needs a shower. It shouldn't take him long to get ready, but he still has to feed Spencer and take him out. He might not have time to make breakfast- or lunch?- if he wants to get there on time.

He rubs his eyes and stretches. Ethan looks around for Spencer, but Kat must've checked on him this morning cause Spence isn't in the room. That means she probably feed him already. Honestly, thank god for Kat.

He takes way too hot and way too long a shower, but it's so toasty and he's still so sleepy and he doesn't wanna go to Mark's anyway. But once he's clean, he forces himself to get out, dry off, and get dressed.

When he gets downstairs, Kat's sitting on the couch playing on her phone. Spencer's playing with a toy at her feet, happily bouncing around "C'mere Spencer!" Ethan calls. He crouches down as Spencer runs to him, his tail wagging and his mouth open in a smile. "Aww! Who's a good boy! Such a good boy! Wanna go for a walk?"

Kat chuckles slightly. "When you get back, there's a sandwich for you to eat. Cause I know you won't eat otherwise."

Ethan grins and gives Spencer some more pets. "Kat, what would I do without you?"

"Probably starve."

Ethan stands up and leads to Spencer to the front door. "Just a quick walk boy. We'll go for a nice long one tonight when I get back! And we'll play lots and lots!" Spencer just wags his tail some more as Ethan puts on his leash and they head out.

It's not bad weather. There's not really a winter in LA, which kinda sucks, but it's starting to get a bit warmer. But not humid or too hot. God, humidity fucking _sucks_. And even though he's lived here for a few years, he still doesn't like the summer here. It's always too hot.

But it's nice today. Maybe they'll do filming outside. That would be kinda nice.

Spencer does all he needs to, so Ethan leads him back in. "You got about ten minutes until we need to leave," Kat reminds him.

"Yea, yea." Ethan grumbles as he takes off Spencer's leash. "I can drive if you want."

"Only if you eat your sandwich and drink some water." Kat crosses her arms.

Ethan rolls his eyes. "Fine, _mom,_ " he teases twirling towards the kitchen dramatically. He grabs the sandwich and a cup of water before flopping next to Kat. Spencer sniffs the air, giving Ethan his begging eyes. Ethan gives in, giving a little piece of cheese from the sandwich, before taking a bite.

Kat takes a deep breath. "But seriously, how are you feeling about seeing them today?"

"I mean," Ethan pauses and swallows. "I'm excited to see them but also freaking the fuck out? Like they're my friends. I shouldn't be scared."

"I feel like it's important to figure out why you're scared then," Kat says.

Ethan shrugs and stares at his sandwich. A piece of his shadow is weaving around his wrist. Why is he scared? Probably because last time he saw them was the day he seriously fucked up and almost got Kat kidnapped- no, that part wasn't his fault. He can blame himself for scaring Kat and for her finding out, but he cannot blame himself for something that he didn't do. He's not the one who tried to kidnap Kat. Ethan takes a deep breath. "Well, last time I saw them I felt like an idiot," he says instead.

"Markiplier Makes is made to make all of you look stupid," Kat reminds him. "It doesn't help that you don't do well with working with time constraints."

"Wow. I feel so much better already," Ethan monotones. The shadow snakes up his arm and around his neck before settling again. "Thanks Kat."

Kat sighs. "You know what I mean! Your ADHD! Your brain literally doesn't work the same as theirs!" Ethan opens his mouth, because Mark has ADHD too and honestly- "Mark is different! Shut up, eat your sandwich, and let me talk!" He rolls his eyes but picks his sandwich up anyway. "Mark goes into these videos knowing what's going to happen. No matter what, he has an advantage cause he plans it. So obviously it's easier for him. Plus ADHD is different for everyone. Doesn't mean you're an idiot if you struggle to do something or if you have a day where your brain won't fucking cooperate." Ethan smiles. Kat keeps ranting, but he stops listening, not because he doesn't want to, but because he gets her point.

"Okay, okay, take a breath Kat," he tells her chuckling. His shadow splinters off, a small part of it settling on Kat's head. She swats at it. _"Kaaaat!_ Stop that!" He pulls it back to the rest of his shadow.

"If you don't want me to touch it, don't send it buzzing around me like a fly!" Kat tries to glare at him, but she's smiling. Ethan giggles. "Finish your sandwich. We gotta leave in a few."

It should not be scary pulling up to Mark's house. It should not make Ethan shake. It should not make him want to cry.

"Ethan," Kat hisses. "Your shadow."

He flinches and looks down at his hands where his shadow is swirling between his hands. A few deep breaths later has it hiding behind him. "Okay. I'm okay." He turns the car off, leaving his hand on the keys.

"I'll be there the whole time," Kat reminds him. He nods and pulls the keys out. His hands are shaking. The shadow winds it's way back to his hands. "Ethan?"

He sighs and rubs his face. "Dammit! I got so used to having it out all the time... Kat, I don't want them to know-"

"We talked about this. I'm not gonna tell them."

"But I'm gonna slip up!" Ethan cries out. "I'm gonna fuck up and then they'll know and it'll be on camera and-"

Kat grabs his shoulders and shakes him. Maybe a bit too hard. "Stop telling yourself you're gonna fail!"

"But I am gonna fail!" Ethan gasps for air. _Shit_. He can't breath. He can't _fucking breath._

"Ethan, you're okay," Kat tells him. "Take some deep breaths." He stares at her, focusing on her and copying her steady breaths. His body slowly stops shaking. "There. That's kinda better. Can you keep the shadow at your feet? So it's out but not visible? You guys are always behind a table anyway, and no one will notice if it's beneath something."

Ethan pauses. He usually calls it to his hands or shoulders but... "Yea, yea, I can do that. Maybe keep it on my lap."

"Good. Okay, good!" Kat smiles. "And if I start being able to see it, I'll give you a signal from behind the camera."

"What signal could you possibly give with a camera in your hands?" Ethan asks.

Kat frowns. "I'll..." She pauses. Any sound would be hard to edit out. And she obviously couldn't use her hands. "I'll stick out my tongue. Wouldn't be too weird, and would probably get a good reaction for the video. Won't be hard to make it seem normal."

Ethan laughs. She takes her hands off his shoulder. "Ready when you are."

"Ready." He opens his door and steps out. He walks with Kat up to the front door, focusing on keeping his shadow hidden. He rings the doorbell and gives Kat a weak smile. It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be okay.

Mark yanks open the door, beaming at them. "Amy! Tyler! They're here! The prodigal children have returned!"


	8. Chapter 8

Mark would be the first to admit he's not great at noticing things or staying in touch with people. When he's recording, he's too focused on what's happening as a whole to check in on people individually. And he gets caught up in work so often that he forgets to reach out.

It wasn't until he was reviewing the edited footage from the last few Markiplier Makes that he realized why Ethan was acting so weird in the kitchen. That even before the Egg Drop video, Ethan was acting different than usual and was totally distracted and off. That he was probably having a rough day with his ADHD, and after filming, he probably just needed to take some time to destress and center himself in the kitchen when Tyler and Mark both disturbed him. So after seeing the footage, Mark makes a mental note to reach out to Ethan and check up on how he's doing; once Mark's done working.

But he forgets, gets caught up in his work for a bit, doesn't fully realize that Ethan hasn't been coming over to work. Doesn't realize he hasn't heard from Ethan until he's talking to Tyler about the new Markiplier Makes and remembers the last one they made. So after setting the time, Mark decided this one won't matter. It'll be the most useless competition and won't show anything about skill level or require any thinking. This way Ethan will still have fun even if he can't focus.

Plus, they can all hang out afterwards and catch up! It'll be just one video and then they'll chill. It'll be great. Perfect.

And as soon as he saw Ethan and Kat at the door, he realized how quiet it had been without the two of them there. He calls Amy and Tyler over, practically bouncing as Kat and Ethan walk in.

"Seriously, it's been too quiet without you guys here!" Mark says closing the door behind them. "What have you been up to?"

Ethan smiles slightly. "Ah, you know, the same. We both had some new equipment arrive, so editing at home has gotten much easier! So... like, we've missed coming out here to work, but also, GOD, I cannot STAND the traffic!"

Amy appears around the corner, absolutely beaming. "Kat!" she exclaims shuffling forward. Kat laughs and runs forward, hugging Amy.

Tyler's just behind Amy, smiling awkwardly and raising his hand in greeting. "So are we gonna film or what?"

"Jeez Tyler, good to see you too," Ethan jokes rolling his eyes.

Tyler crosses his arms. "Sooner we film, sooner we get to eat, and I don't know about you, but I'm hungry."

Ethan laughs. "Well, I'm not!"

Mark claps Ethan on the back. "Come on man, when have you ever not been hungry when you're here?"

"I made him eat before we left," Kat explains as she and Amy stop hugging, still keeping their arms over each other's shoulder. Ethan sticks his tongue out at her.

Mark chuckles, but it's kind of weird. He knows Ethan's forgetful and Kat helps him out, but he doesn't think she's actually fed him before. Tyler's eyebrows are raised as well, but Amy doesn't seem to think anything of it.

Mark claps his hands together. "Alright, well, if we're all caught up, let's get set up to film!"

It's been about a month since Tyler's seen Ethan. And the last time he saw Ethan, the poor kid seemed off as fuck. Ethan seems okay now, maybe a little tired and a little nervous. But he's also way closer to Kat than he used to be. Like they live together, obviously, they're good friends. But he clings to her in a way that Tyler's never seen. As they set up to film, he stays close to her when he would usually be right next to Mark. Of course, Mark doesn't notice. But it's not like he can blame Mark. He's looking over the set up of everything, from the filming to getting the actual supplies out and sorted while making sure Tyler and Ethan can't peek. Not like it would make a difference.

"Alright, think we're set?" Mark calls out. Ethan's fidgeting, moving from foot to foot with his whole body jittering, but he nods. Tyler nods as well, and they take their seats next to Mark. As soon as the camera starts, Ethan goes eerily still. His eyes stay locked in the same spot until Mark addresses him, but as they keep filming, Ethan starts acting less like a statue and more like a goof. Except until the end when he locks his eyes on the same spot again, but this time it looks more like a bit and less like a breakdown.

They wave goodbye and end the video. "God, this is disgusting," Mark says frowning at all the egg carcasses and guts on the table.

"Yea... kinda makes you lose your appetite a bit," Tyler agrees.

Ethan pokes at the "foam" on the shell of his broken egg and grimaces. "Maybe the PAAS was a bad idea? This is gonna be a bitch to clean."

"Well, I gotta take care of other stuff, so you two have fun!" Mark winks and jumps up, hurrying to help make sure everything was recorded and uploaded correctly to be edited later.

Ethan sighs. "Guess it won't clean itself."

"I'll get some paper towels and a trash bag," Tyler says standing up.

"Might need some lysol wipes too, there's guts _everywhere_ ," Ethan says fake gagging. Tyler chuckles. Everyone else has relocated to upload the footage and sound, so it's just the two of them in the kitchen. Ethan seems more nervous again, looking at the doorway constantly as Tyler sorts through the cabinets to find stuff to clean.

"Aha!" he exclaims. He stands up, holding a container of lysol wipes and a trash bag above his head. "Catch!"

"Tyler! No!" Ethan winces as Tyler fakes a throw. The lights flicker for a second, weird shadows being cast in the room. "Not funny!" Ethan's face is white and he's actually shaking.

"I wasn't going to throw it," Tyler says sitting back down. He frowns but Ethan won't look at him. He's very focused on gathering all the cups together and dumping the contents into the bowl with the PAAS foam. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"'S alright," Ethan mutters. He's jittering in his seat again.

Tyler opens the trash bag and starts tossing the shells and empty cups in. Putting the paper towels down was one of the only good ideas Mark's had cause it makes cleaning up so much easier.

Ethan puts down the cup he's holding and places his hands in his lap, most likely fidgeting with something. Probably the same fidget toy he had in his pocket last time. Tyler stops gathering trash and places the bag on the chair next to him. "Ethan? Are you okay? I seriously didn't mean to startle you."

Ethan keeps glancing towards the doorway, not looking up from his hands. "It's fine, really," Ethan fakes a smile and looks up, but he doesn't really meet Tyler's eyes. Poor kid's actually sweating now. "Don't worry about it, 'kay?"

"You can talk to me if you're not okay," Tyler says. "Like I know we haven't talked much, but we're still friends." Tyler pauses. "Right?"

Ethan actually meets his eyes when he asks that, his jaw dropped. "Tyler! Of course we're friends! I'm sorry I haven't reached out either... it's just been busy."

"Ha, yea... Mark has been giving you guys a lot of stuff to edit... but we all miss seeing you around," Tyler says. He's not as good at this as Amy or even Mark. He's good at noticing things. He's not good at talking about what he notices.

"I've... I've missed you guys too," Ethan says. He looks back down, but he starts emptying the cups again. "It's just such a drive to get out here."

Ethan's always complained about the commute to get here, always whined about the traffic. It makes sense that now he's working from home more if him and Kat got better equipment. But it still feels like he's hiding something. "It's nice you and Kat have gotten closer," Tyler says, getting back to throwing out all the shit on the table.

"Yea, I guess it is," Ethan agrees. "She's been looking out for me while I try to figure out what to do about meds." Ethan smiles slightly. "She's a really good friend."

Has Ethan ever said that about Tyler? Cause right now Tyler feels like a shit friend. He hasn't even been reaching out to Ethan let alone making sure he's okay. Radio silence is unusual from Ethan. He knows that. He noticed it. But he didn't try to do anything. "Why don't you come over Saturday?" Tyler offers. "It's been a while since we've hung out."

Ethan's face falls, but he smiles again so fast that if Tyler had blinked at the wrong time, he might not have noticed. "Sounds great! We can play some video games and watch some movies and definitely make popcorn!"

"Yes! I can cream your ass in Mario Kart!"

Ethan throws back his head and laughs. "Ha! You must be mistaken cause I'm pretty sure you SUCK at Mario Kart!"

"Do I? Do I REALLY?"

"Yea! Total. Shit!"

They go back and forth bickering, slowly cleaning as they argue, and when Kat peeks her head to check in on them, Ethan doesn't even notice.

It's almost an hour later when they're settled into the couches waiting for food. Ethan's really not that hungry, especially after seeing all the raw egg guts everywhere.

Mark and Amy are sitting together on one couch, and he's squished between Tyler and Kat on the other. He tries to settle in, join the jokes and talking, but it's not easy. All he wants to do is hold a bit of his shadow. His fingertips keep twitching and he's had to settle for having it swirl under the couch. It still feels risky. And Kat definitely knows he's struggling, because she's talking louder and more than usual, trying to make up for his silence.

He almost lost it in the kitchen. When he thought Tyler was gonna throw the lysol, he almost called his shadows to protect him. He thinks he did for a second, but Tyler looked up at the light when it happened. So his secret is still safe.

But it'd be safe with his friends if he just told them. Why is it so hard to tell them?

He's never wanted to leave Mark's so badly. As soon as the food gets here, he can eat, and then he can get in the car and have his shadow come out. _Fuck._ It's so much harder than it used to be.

"Ethan, you look cold," Kat says glancing over at him. He's pretty sure he's sweating, but Kat throws a blanket over him. As soon as his hands are covered, his shadow appears in his hands, swirling around his fingers. He sighs out loud. "Better?"

"Yea, thanks Kat," he says smiling. He's pretty sure Tyler's staring at his hands beneath the blanket, watching them fidget. But he always fidgets, so it's not like it's weird. It's so much easier to talk now, to focus on the conversation and engage with everyone.

It's some time later when the food gets there, and Mark triple checks with the delivery guy that there's no peanuts. Ethan's pretty sure he can't eat with his hands under the blanket, but the itch is gone and his shadow settles behind him easily.

"I bring to you a feast!" Mark announces carrying in three bags of take out food. "Bow to me peasants."

"Hell no!" Tyler objects, but Ethan's already kneeling on the ground throwing his arms up.

"We thank you for the food in this time of famine!" Ethan cries out. "We are but humble peasants!"

Kat must be in a good mood cause she practically falls to the floor and chants out, "All hail Mark! Savior of our village!"

"More like idiot of the village," Tyler says snorting.

Mark points at Tyler. "No food for you!"

"What?!" Ethan giggles and shares a glance with Kat as Tyler gears up for a fight behind them. "Nope! No no no! Hand it over!"

"OH? Hand it over? HAND IT OVER?" Tyler jumps up and bear hugs Mark. Mark flails, trying to knock Tyler away. "Begone foul beast! This food is not for you!"

Amy laughs nervously. "Mark! Don't- the food! Don't drop the food!"

"Huh?" Mark looks to Amy as Tyler knocks a bag from Mark's hand. It falls to the ground, the containers sliding out, but none of the food spilling. Mark stares down at it. "Oh. Whoops."

"THE FEAST!" Ethan exclaims. He flings himself over the containers. "I HAVE GOTTEN THE FEAST!"

"THE FEAST IS OURS!" Kat yells grabbing the bag and holding it above her head.

"CAN SOMEONE JUST LET ME EAT?" Tyler yells throwing his hands up in defeat. They all laugh and gather the food, taking what they ordered and sharing with each other. Ethan stays on the flood, leaning his back against the couch. His shadow tickles his back every so often. It's no longer such a rush to get home. It's not so bad here.

It's much later than he expected when him and Kat finally get to the car. As soon as they pull away, the shadow settles itself across his shoulders. "You had fun," Kat says smirking. She's using her I-told-you-so voice.

"Yea, I did," Ethan agrees.

They're quiet for a bit as he drives. "Do you think you'll ever tell them?" Kat asks quietly.

Ethan shrugs. "I don't... it's not that I don't trust them... like, I trust them... they're my friends, they're not gonna tell anyone... but... I don't think I'm ready yet, ya know?"

Kat nods and hums softly. "Yea, I know."

"Thank you, though. For getting me through the last month." Ethan glances at her and smiles slightly.

"Thank you. For stopping me from getting kidnapped." Kat laughs, like it's a joke and not the scariest thing that's ever happened. But they've talked about it so much at this point, that it's nice to laugh about it.

It feels like so long ago now. Something that happened in a dream. Ethan knows it might not last and that he might have it hit him later that what happened was real and fucked up and scary, but for now it's okay. The sun's setting, and the world is settling into darkness. And when they get home, they can do the same.


	9. Chapter 9

Tyler lives in one of those dumb apartment buildings where you can't buzz someone in and you have to go downstairs to let them in. And even dumber, the lights in the hall are motion activated, but none of the switches are near his door, so half the time when he leaves, he has to lock his door and walk a few feet in total darkness until the lights switch on. It's especially terrifying at night. Which is why he really wishes Ethan had gotten here sooner. Just like an hour earlier and he wouldn't have to be feeling around in the dark to lock his door. He could use his phone flashlight, but it's literally just a few seconds and the lights will come on. Plus if one of his neighbors comes out and sees his using a flashlight, he'll look like a dumbass and maybe like a creep. So he deals with the dark until he gets close to the elevator and the lights flick on.

Once the lights are on, everything feels a lot safer. The elevator runs pretty smoothly, and soon he's walking to the front door, watching Ethan bounce from foot to foot as he waits to be let in from the cold. He can be so stubborn about the cold sometimes, refusing to say it's cold unless it's in the thirties. So he's wearing just a sweatshirt even though it's only 45 degrees out.

Tyler opens the door a crack. "Hi Tyler!" Ethan greets slipping inside. He's still bouncing a bit.

"Hey Ethan, long time no see," Tyler jokes. The two of them head to the elevator, which thankfully is still on ground level. "How's the last day treated you?"

"Same old, same old," Ethan says shrugging. "I took Spencer on a hike now that it's getting warmer! We'll probably go to a dog park tomorrow!" Ethan's face always lights up when he talks about Spencer.

They get back to Tyler's apartment, and they go in. Everything's set up, except for the popcorn which Ethan likes to help make. But Mario Kart is already pulled up for them to play.

"Yes!" Ethan launches over the back of the couch and falls into the cushions.

Tyler rolls his eyes but hops over the back of it, landing next to Ethan and handing him a control. "Ready to have your ass handed to you?"

"I think it is you who will have your ass handed to you!"

"Oh, it's on!"

They play a few rounds of Mario Kart, screaming at each other.

Ethan bumps into Tyler. "DO NOT THROW THE BLUE SHELL!"

Tyler pushes back into Ethan. "I'M GONNA THROW THE BLUE SHELL!"

"NO NO NOOOO!" Ethan cries out, shoving Tyler and trying to jostle him. But Tyler smirks as he stands on the couch, too high for Ethan to knock the controller down. Ethan jumps up too, but in his panic he drives off the edge. "NOOO! NO!"

"YES!" Tyler speeds past Ethan, gaining first place just in time to win. "TAKE THAT!"

Ethan collapses back down. "I have been defeated!" he cries out dramatically placing his hand against his forehead.

"Get up!" Tyler teases plopping back down. "We still have another round to go."

Ethan pops up and grins. "REDEMPTION!"

Tyler's about to start the next race when there's knocking at the door. He glances at Ethan and then back at the door. "Did you order food or something without telling me?" Tyler asks.

"Delivery man couldn't even get up here without being let in," Ethan says. His voice is quiet.

Tyler shrugs. "Probably just one of my neighbors wants to complain about us being too loud." He stands up and sighs. "Don't start without me!" he warns Ethan.

"Oh, wouldn't dream of it," Ethan teases.

Tyler stares through the peephole at a woman he's never seen before. He might not see his neighbors a lot, but she definitely doesn't live here.

"Who is it?"

Tyler jumps, almost knocking into the wall in surprise at Ethan suddenly being so close. "Jeez! Don't sneak up like that!"

Ethan ignores him and stands on his toes to look out the peep hole. "I think that's the woman I saw outside?"

"Huh?" Tyler double checks the locks on the door and steps back, pulling Ethan with him.

"Yea, she was hanging around outside." Ethan frowns. "I think. I wasn't paying too much attention. I figured she was just getting fresh air."

Tyler peers through the peep hole again. She's still standing there, but she hasn't knocked again. He keeps watching as she moves closer to the door. It creaks as she disappears from view. Ethan stares down and yanks Tyler away. "Shit," Tyler whispers. "What the hell is she doing?"

Ethan scrunches up his face. "I think she's just sitting there. What's she doing here?"

Tyler thinks of something terrifying and creepy. "Do you think she followed you here?"

"Why would some-" Ethan cuts off mid sentence, his face paling. "Oh."

It's creepy as fuck, knowing some stranger is out there waiting for Ethan to leave. Tyler pulls Ethan towards the couch, turning up the volume on the TV and putting on a random show. "Have you ever seen her before?" Tyler asks quietly.

Ethan frowns. "She looks kind of familiar. But I don't know?"

"Okay, well, I'm gonna call the police, and we can get this sorted, okay?" Tyler tries to stay quiet, makes sure she doesn't hear. "Go start making popcorn?"

Ethan nods and scurries to the kitchen. Tyler heads towards his bedroom, the room furthest from the door, before dialing for help.

"Nine one one, what's your emergency?"

"There's a woman sitting outside my apartment. I think she followed my friend here."

"Has she made any attempt to enter?"

"No, she's just sitting there." Tyler grabs at his hair and starts pacing. "She's just sitting with her back against my door."

"Do you think she's in need of medical attention?"

"No, I think she's stalking my friend!" Tyler hisses. He takes a deep breath. "Look, she's trespassing. She doesn't live in this apartment."

"Sir, I understand, but if no one is in danger currently, you'll have to wait a while for someone to come help. Does your building have security?"

Tyler sighs and throws his hand up. "If my building had security, do you think I would've called the police?"

"Sir, I'm sorry, but unless this becomes an emergency, I won't be able to get anyone to you for some time. If the situation changes, please call and update us, but for now, stay in your apartment and away from the door. Depending on your address, someone might be able to stop by sooner."

He rattles off his address and waits. "Alright, it'll be about three and a half-"

"THREE AND A HALF?" Tyler yells.

"There have been quite a few calls tonight and-" He hangs up and sits down on his bed, rubbing at his head.

A few hours. Okay. Ethan just got here. They were gonna watch a movie anyways. That's probably two, two and a half hours. Then they can just play some more Mario Kart. They'll have to have dinner here. He always has peanut free stuff just in case Ethan comes over. Most of what he gets is peanut free out of habit. There's probably a frozen pizza they can share. For now, he just texts his landlord and lets them know, so the other residents can stay safe.

Ethan pokes his head around the doorway. "Popcorn's done," he says. "I guess I'll be hanging here a while... movie time?"

"Movie time," Tyler agrees.

Neither of them can really focus on the movie. Ethan's curled up under one of Tyler's blankets, and he's fidgeting with something underneath it. He really doesn't get why he hides his fidgets, but it's probably more habit than anything. So Tyler doesn't ask about it.

"Are you okay?" he asks instead. Ethan nods, but his lips are pursed and his skin is pale. "My landlord said they'd try to get in touch with the police as well, so maybe that will speed things up."

Ethan glances towards the door. There's a hint of a shadow there. "I never thought this sort of thing would happen to me." Tyler has no idea how to respond to that, so he stays quiet.

After a while, Tyler gives up with watching the movie. "Wanna go back to gaming?" he asks Ethan.

Ethan nods slightly. "Yea, yea, maybe something more intense."

"More intense than Mario Kart? I don't think there is anything more intense than Mario Kart."

Giggling, Ethan jokes, "What about Smash? That's pretty intense."

"I'll give you that," Tyler agrees. They both grab a controller and load up Smash. They're quieter as they play, but it's better than pretending to watch a movie. Until Tyler glances over at Ethan and his hands are too tight on the controller and his whole body is tense. "Ethan?"

"I can't keep sitting here like this," Ethan says putting the controller down. "I mean, we go out there, talk to her, what's the worst that can happen?"

Tyler stares at Ethan. "You're not serious, are you dude?"

Ethan shrugs. "How many hours?"

He sighs. "At least two hours, probably more."

"Okay." Ethan stands up. "So we'll deal with this."

"No, sit your ass back down!" Tyler hisses. He grabs Ethan's arm. "We are not dealing with this."

"She's probably harmless." Ethan pulls Tyler towards the door. Tyler sighs and stares out the peephole. The automatic lights have turned off though, and he can't see anything. "What's she doing?"

He steps back and gestures to Ethan to take a look. Ethan scrambles to the door. "Oh. Why is it so dark? Did she cover the peephole?"

"No, lights are automatic," Tyler says.

"Okay, so she's been out there so long the lights have turned off," Ethan says. "Creepy, but not dangerous."

Tyler crosses his arms. "I just _really_ think-"

Ethan unlocks and opens the door before Tyler can stop him. The light from his apartment floods into the dark hallway, showing the woman who's been waiting. She's standing now, watching the two of them.

"Hi, can you leave?" Ethan's voice is too steady, too disinterested compared to his hands which are fidgeting at his side.

How Ethan didn't notice her is besides Tyler. She has on elbow length black gloves and a knee length black coat. Not exactly dressed to be standing around outside unless she was holding a cigarette.

She steps closer to Ethan, but she's not smiling or excited or anything like Tyler expected from a stalker. "Ethan," he says, but Ethan ignores him and stares at the woman.

She pulls out her phone, holding it out for them to see. There's a man smiling in the picture. Her face is hard as she watches them.

"Are you- are you lost? Did you lose him?" Tyler asks frowning. He glances to Ethan, but Ethan's gone from being too steady to being too pale and shaky. "Ethan?" The woman puts her phone in her pocket, still watching Ethan, who obviously recognizes the man and seems freaked the fuck out. Tyler puts his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "Ethan, who is that?"

None of this is what Tyler expected. He figured the woman might try to kidnap Ethan or come into his apartment and not leave or maybe just ask for a picture and signature and then leave. Not to show Ethan a picture of a man who Ethan obviously knows and is probably afraid of.

But she hasn't moved any closer, and Tyler could definitely grab Ethan and pull him back into the apartment and get him to safety. Cause this is stupid and dangerous and also weird as fuck.

Tyler could get Ethan to safety if he could just make himself move. "Who is that?" Ethan echoes, staring at the lady.

"My friend," she says. Her voice is soft. "And I think you might have been the last to see him. So I was hoping you could tell me where he went."

Ethan laughs softly. "You must have me mistaken for someone else."

She pulls out her phone again, her expression not changing. This time it's a picture of a different man. The picture is dark and blurry and obviously there was some corruption or glare that made some weird shadows. But Tyler recognizes Ethan's neighborhood, recognizes the apartments behind him that are somehow in better focus. "Is this not you then?"

Ethan's mouth opens slowly as he stares at the photo. Tyler finally makes himself move and puts his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "That's the worst photo I've ever seen," Tyler says glaring at her. "How did you get such a low quality photo? I've seriously seen better photo quality from the 1920s."

The woman ignores Tyler and swipes to the next photo. It's blurry too, but it's obviously Kat walking Spencer. "So this is not your roommate? Nor your dog?"

Tyler laughs, ready to try to convince her she's wrong even. But Ethan interrupts him. "How do you have those photos?"

She puts her phone away. "What did you do to him? You can't hide the evidence forever."

Evidence? "You really must be confused," Tyler says. He tightens his grip on Ethan's shoulder, but when he tries to tug Ethan back into the apartment, he can't get him to budge. So help him God, he will drag Ethan back into his apartment if he needs to. And get some fucking answers too cause is Ethan involved in the mob or some shit?

"So what evidence are you hiding?" Ethan spits out. His face has gone from shock to anger in a second, his eyes dark as he stares down the woman. "You know what he did, right?"

Yup. Ethan's gotten himself involved in the mob. Oh, they are fucked. They are royally fucked, and Ethan is refusing to move back into safety for some dumb reason.

The woman examines Ethan again, but her expression doesn't change. She's a fucking mob wife, isn't she? She's gonna kidnap them and hold them for ransom. Oh my god, what the hell did Ethan even do?

"You made sure there was no evidence of what he did," she says. "I'm not sure how. It was a clean job. I can acknowledge that. But no job is so clean that it can't be traced."

"Really, this is just all some huge misunderstanding, so why don't we just call it a night and we can-"

For the first time, she not only looks at Tyler, but moves towards him, grabbing his chin and pulling him closer to examine him. "You might be an ignoramus, but I know what I'm doing." He tries to pull away, but for a tiny woman, she is way too strong and yup, definitely a mob wife. She strokes a gloved finger across his throat, which is way too creepy and it's way too easy to imagine she's holding a knife.

"Leave him alone!" Ethan shouts. She smiles at Ethan, and yup, she's reaching into the her pocket again and yup, that's a knife. And oh great, now she's holding it against his throat and he's gonna die cause Ethan got caught up in the mob.

His door must close, because the hallway's pitch black now. The woman tightens her grip on his chin, but thank god she didn't have the knife against him cause fuck, he would definitely be dead already.

"I said let go of him." Ethan's voice is quiet, steady. Is he in the mob too? Like did he get training or shit? Is that why he can do backflips? Did he ever even do gymnastics or was that all a front? Like fuck, is that why he moved to LA? Is he in witness protection?

"Tell me what you did to my friend, and I'll let him live." The woman's voice is also way too fucking steady. She lets go of his chin, grabbing his arm and twisting it. He cries out as she pushes him to his knees and holds something cold against his throat. Yup, that's the knife again. She's holding it against his throat, and he's a bartering chip in whatever the fuck is happening.

"This isn't a negotiation." Okay maybe he's just dead then?

"I don't think that's your choice. Turn on the lights again. You'll see I'm in control here."

The light floods back into the hallway. "I don't need the lights to see what I already know." Tyler stares at Ethan. He's never seen Ethan look like... _that_. So detached, so cold... maybe not witness protection? Maybe rival mob.

As long as he's on Tyler's side, he doesn't give a fuck. As scary as Ethan is acting, it's definitely less scary than the actual _fucking knife on his throat._

The woman presses the knife into his throat, and Tyler tries to scream but a weird gurgle comes out instead. He's dead. He's gonna die. Oh he's so fucking dead and Ethan isn't even freaking out, and _does Ethan have a gun?_ Is that why he's so calm? _Is Ethan gonna shoot this woman?_ Tyler has no objections.

"I'll only say it one more time," Ethan says. He steps closer. "Let go of him."

"And I'll only ask once more. What did you do to my friend?" The woman grabs Tyler's hair and pulls his head back. He stares down at the knife but it's hard to see. Did it break skin? Is he even okay? Well, he's not okay. That's fucking obvious.

"You can't say I didn't warn you." Okay, so Ethan is gonna kill this woman. Right? That's what's gonna happen. He gets this. He totally gets what's happening.

But instead of pulling out a gun, Ethan just fucking reaches forward like he's a Jedi using the force, and maybe every other theory Tyler's had is way off cause all of a sudden there's fog gathering at Ethan's feet and snaking up to his hand.

"Stop that! Stop with the tricks!" she shouts. She pulls Tyler closer, but her hand is shaking.

"You said you wanted to know what happened to him," Ethan says. "I'm just giving you an answer."

Everything freezes for a moment. He can feel the woman's hand shake slightly. It last for a second before the fog shoots forward. He tenses, but it passes through him harmlessly. The knife disappears from his throat and the woman's hands are pulled away. Tyler gasps and falls forward, staring as she's slammed into the wall _by fucking fog?_

"Ethan?" Tyler croaks out. Ethan falters, his hand twitching as he turns to Tyler. The color returns to his face, and he starts fidgeting with the fog in his hands, attention pulled away from the woman just long enough for her to stumble up.

But Ethan looks back towards her, and the fog around her presses in until she's not visible in the dark hall. Tyler crawl forward and stands. The lights flicker on. She should be visible. But she's not.

The fog returns to Ethan, disappearing behind him like it never existed in the first place. Ethan's lost all color in his face and there's dark bags under his eyes. He stares at Tyler and his face breaks, tears falling as Ethan collapses to his knees.

Tyler barely hears Ethan when he finally speaks. "I didn't... I... I fucked up."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan has some explaining to do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone doubts how realistic the motion censored lights are, that is based on my old apartment building where I had to lock my door in the dark and walk a few steps until the lights came on. :)

Tyler stares at Ethan for a second, watching as his friend breaks down. Some of the fog starts to come back and surround Ethan, and the last time that happened that woman _fucking disappeared_. So that can't be good. Right?

"Ethan? Ethan, hey bud." Tyler's voice is hoarse and quiet. He clears his throat and tries to speak louder. "Ethan, can you look at me?" Ethan's head lifts slightly, his eyes red and his face covered in tears. "We're gonna go back in the apartment, okay? And I'm gonna make you some tea and get you a blanket, and you can stay here tonight, okay?"

Ethan sniffles. "I need Kat."

"Okay, okay bud." Tyler crawls closer to Ethan and puts his hand on his shoulder. God, he feels fucking freezing. Why's he so cold? "Let's get inside, and we'll call her." Ethan nods, but he doesn't make any attempt to move. "Alright. I got you." Tyler forces himself up, groaning as his bones crack and ache. That woman was fucking brutal. It takes a bit of effort, but he scoops Ethan up and carries him to the couch. "I'll be right back, okay bud?" Ethan nods slightly and wipes at his eyes. He grabs at the blanket and curls underneath it, his shoulders shaking as he cries.

Tyler closes and locks the door, double checking the hall for any weird people or mob members. If this even is related to the mob. Kat can probably give some answers, right? Whatever's been going on with Ethan, she has to know about. That's probably why they've gotten so much closer.

"I'm gonna call Kat now, okay?" Tyler says turning around, but Ethan's not on the couch anymore. "Ethan?" Tyler's voice cracks. The blanket shifts a bit and a dark shadow appears underneath it. He swallows down a scream. "Is that you bud?" The shadow nods. Alright. This is fucking weird. Probably not the mob. Definitely not the mob. "Okay, I'm gonna call Kat, and she'll be here soon, okay?" There's a soft grumble. Tyler stares at "Ethan" for a few more seconds than shakes his head. Focus. He needs to focus.

He pulls out his phone and calls Kat. "Hello?"

"Hey, Kat?"

"What's wrong with your voice?"

Tyler clears his throat. He does sound pretty fucked up. Should he be at a hospital? Probably. "I- listen, can you come over?"

"Is Ethan alright?" Kat asks. He can hear her moving around, getting ready to leave already.

Tyler glances at the shape on his couch, but it's gone again. "No... I don't think he is."

"Is he there?" There's a soft jingling and then a door closing.

"I... think so?" Tyler winces. What if Kat actually doesn't know about any of this?

She's quiet for a second. A car door closes. "Okay. Just let him be for now. We'll talk when I get there, okay?"

"Okay."

Kat is definitely breaking a few laws, but fuck if she cares. Tyler's apartment is thankfully closer than Mark's. Still half an hour, but fuck it if she can't make it there faster.

It's the worst parking job she's ever done when she finally gets there only fifteen minutes later, somehow without any tickets or cops on her tail. She pulls out her phone to let Tyler know she's there, but he's already waiting at the door, hands in his pockets as he shuffles nervously.

He opens the door for her, and she finally gets a good look at him. "Jesus Christ Tyler!" she shouts. She shuffles through her bag and hands him a tissue. There's a cut on his throat that has blood beading from it. There's several small bruises along his chin and throat. "What the fuck- what-?" This wasn't Ethan. Obviously. He might lose control when he's stressed, but even if he hurt Tyler- which Kat doubts he would-, it wouldn't look like this.

"I thought you would know," Tyler says. He holds the tissue to his throat and glances outside before leading Kat to the elevator.

"What the actual fuck happened?" Kat asks.

Tyler takes a deep breath. "Is Ethan involved with the mob?"

Kat stares at him and blinks slowly. "What. The actual fuck?" Okay, this is definitely not what she was expecting.

They step into the elevator and Tyler checks outside again as if he's expecting them to be followed. Once the doors close, he starts talking way too fast to follow. "SoapparentlythiswomanfollowedEthanhereandshewasshowingusallthese-"

"Slow the fuck down," Kat says grabbing Tyler's shoulder. He nods, but his eyes are wide and frantic still.

"Okay." He takes a deep breath. "This woman followed Ethan to my apartment, and we thought she was just a stalker. We called the police, but they couldn't get here for three hours-"

"Naturally," Kay says rolling her eyes. "Useless fucks."

Tyler chuckles. "So after a bit, Ethan decides to go talk to her, and she shows him this picture of a man, then a picture of him, then a picture of you and Spencer?"

"What?!" Kat shouts. The elevator dings, and Tyler pulls her to his apartment, practically shoving her inside. "Pictures of _us_?"

"Yea, so fucking creepy," Tyler says. Kat glances around the apartment. There's a blanket on the couch. Probably where Ethan is. She sits at the other end. Tyler glances at the blanket and sits on the floor in front of her. "Anyways, apparently she thinks Ethan did something to the man in the first picture and was asking what he did and then she had a knife and the lights went out... and then it got... weirder?"

Kat nods. She takes a deep breath. She has to explain this, right? "What exactly happened?"

Tyler gives a glance over at the couch, where he definitely knows Ethan must be. Kat gives a small nod, and Tyler continues. "The lights came back, and there was... fog at Ethan's feet or something?"

"His shadow," Kat corrects.

Tyler lowers his eyebrows and stares at her like she's crazy. She really might be at this point. "Right. So his shadow?" Kat nods again. "So he... gathers it around his hands, and then it pushes the woman away from me... and when the lights come on, she's gone."

Kat splutters slightly. But come on, what did she really expect. "Okay." She glances towards Ethan. He's probably so deep in his shadow he can't hear them. That's fine. He probably needs some time cause what the actual fuck? Why did that woman have pictures of them? Did she... did she? "Do you know who the man is?"

Tyler shakes his head then winces. "Fuck," he croaks out.

"Alright, so we gotta fucking take care of that apparently," Kat says pointing at his throat. There's still beads of blood along the cut. Not too much, just shallow, but the bruises look really bad. Kat grabs his arm and pulls him up. He follows her to his bathroom. "Where do you keep medical shit?"

"Behind the mirror," Tyler says. He rubs at his throat slightly.

"Don't touch it!" Kat says slapping his hand away. He grumbles but drops his hand as she grabs the biggest bandaids she can find, hydrogen peroxide, and some of that shit that's supposed to keep it clean.

"There's medical tape and gauze," Tyler says noticing the band-aids she picked up. "Might work better?"

Kat snorts. "Probably." She puts the band-aids back and examines all the boxes until she finds a box of gauze with some tape inside. "Why do you this?"

"For emergencies?" Tyler asks. He raises his eyebrows. "Do you not have gauze?"

Kat shrugs and pours some of the hydrogen peroxide onto a tissue. "No? Should I?" She presses it against the cut and Tyler winces, letting out a slow hiss. "Shit, sorry."

Tyler's voice comes out as a gasp. "It's fine."

"Stop talking!" she says. She wipes the cut clean and tosses the tissue away. Probably should have clean hands for this. Keep the wound clean or whatever. She washes her hands, applies the ointment, and tapes the gauze on top. It's a fucking mess, but it's better now that it's covered. "Ice packs?"

"Kitchen," Tyler answers. He looks in the mirror and examines his throat, wincing as he turns. "She really fucked me up." Tyler touches one of the bruises on his chin and winces. "Ow."

Kat rolls her eyes. "You're a dumbass."

"Hey!" His voice still sounds so fucking raspy, and he definitely should see a doctor. Right? That would definitely be smart. He wouldn't have to explain it. Just say that someone mugged him. No need for the full story.

Tyler heads back to the living room, settling on the floor by the couch as Kat grabs an ice pack for him. Which probably will help. Can't make it worse, right? She passes him the ice pack and sits at the end of the couch, hopefully not on top of Ethan. The TV's still showing a pause screen for Super Smash Bros, and the music feels too cheerful. Tyler must be thinking the same cause he turns it off and looks at her. "So?"

"Yea?" she says crossing her arms.

"The man? The pictures of you and Ethan?" Tyler gestures wildly.

Kat takes a deep breath. Right. She can do this. "It was after the last time you guys recorded together." It's weird telling the story without Ethan's shadow there with her. Well, it is there but not _with_ her. Tyler's eyes are locked on her the whole time, getting wider than she thought possible.

"So is that who the man was?" Tyler asks when she finishes. She shrugs and nods. "What about the woman?"

Kat rolls her eyes. "They probably 'work together'," she says, making sure to exaggerate the air quotes.

Tyler frowns. "So they work together to kidnap people."

"Yea." Kat takes a piece of the blanket in her hands and rubs at it. _Kidnap_.

They're quiet for a bit. He doesn't ask about anything else. It's not like she would have any answers anyway.

"Is he... ya know?" Tyler gestures to the blanket.

Kat shrugs. "Most likely. He'll probably sleep in his shadow tonight."

Tyler sputters. "Is this normal?"

"He only does it when he's really stressed," Kat explains. "He likes having it out though. That's why he was so stressed when you guys were recording and hanging out. He got used to having it out all the time."

"Okay, okay." Tyler rubs at his head. "Can you... explain what that means?"

Explain? Definitely not. "You'll see when he wakes up." She stares at his throat. "Should we go to a hospital?"

"Probably," Tyler says. But neither of them moves. Because they can't take Ethan, and they can't leave him here. "Do you think... there's more people looking for him?"

Kat rubs her face. God that's terrifying. "I don't know... I don't even know how she had those photos... unless the van had surveillance?" She shivers thinking of that. What if people had seen what Ethan did? What if there was video evidence? Would he go to jail? He'd be taken away for sure. Or have to hide forever. Fuck. Fuck fuck shit shit fuck.

"Kat?" Tyler puts his hand on her knee. And she's shaking and crying cause _fuck_. What happens to Ethan if there's a video? "Kat, it's okay. Deep breaths."

He's in front of her, trying to get her to take deep breaths with him, but fuck. _Fuck._ They're so fucked. They are _so fucked_. She buries her face in her hands. She can't breathe. _She can't fucking breathe._

Tyler's hand moves to her back. But she can't stop crying and now she can't breathe and fuck fuck fuck. This is so fucked up and she's not okay and will Ethan be okay or will they take him away or will he have to hide for-

"Kat?" It's Ethan's voice, quiet, calm. "It's okay Kat." His shadow spreads to her, covering her like a blanket. "It'll be okay. Go to sleep Kat. I'll be here when you wake up."

It's weirdly creepy to watch Ethan appear _from out of thin air_ but it's even creepier to watch as his shadow or whatever surrounds Kat. It stretches out and Tyler flinches as it surrounds him as well. But in the dark, it's surprisingly quiet and calm. Ethan's crouched next to Kat, his hand petting her head as it droops and her eyes close.

It stops being creepy and starts being comfortable. Which is also weird. Ethan meets Tyler's eyes and reaches his hand out. "It's okay," he says softly. Tyler feels his muscles relax. "I'm right here Tyler. You need sleep." Ethan's words echo in Tyler's mind and he nods, leaning his head against the couch and taking a deep breath. Just a few minutes of sleep... that's all he needs. He melts into the darkness, sleep overtaking him.


	11. Chapter 11

It's still dark when Tyler opens his eyes. It must be the middle of the night. He rubs his eyes and rolls over so his arm doesn't fall asleep. Thank god it's still dark and he can sleep more cause his bed is too fucking comfortable to leave.

...bed? Tyler opens his eyes again and looks around. This isn't his room. And even if it's the middle of the night, his apartment is never this dark. But it feels safe and secure... almost familiar?

 _Oh._ Ooohhh. He remembers now. Ethan used his shadow to calm down Kat. He thinks. Maybe? Still pretty unclear on what happened, but it's cozy wherever he is. Tyler examines the darkness and makes out Kat sleeping on the couch. Ethan's sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch as he snores softly.

There's such a weird feeling of _peace_. Like his head is clearer and it's easier to think without every crushing him. But it's dark and cozy, and everyone else is sleeping. He can think later. For now, he'll sleep.

It's not the first time Kat's woken up in Ethan's shadow. It's no longer disorienting when it happens. Much more familiar. Everything is quieter, even with Tyler's obnoxious snoring. And Ethan is curled up, his head resting on the couch by her feet. God knows he needs some fucking rest. She's not sure if making someone disappear is actually physically draining or if it's just an emotional drain. It's not something that she thought she needed to know. Thought it was just a once off.

Looking at Ethan sleeping next to her, with how soft and relaxed his expression is... it just doesn't seem like banishing people from this plane of existence is something he's even capable of. She tries to remember how he looked the first time... how different he looked. Then again, she's never seen him actually angry. Never had to see him protect the people he cares about.

He cares more about others than he cares about himself most times. He won't care if he's in danger as long as Kat and Tyler are still safe. But it's not like she can prove he's in danger or even do anything about it. It's just a gut feeling. If there were pictures of them, a picture of him from that night... there might be more. And there's no way to know without that woman.

Kat reaches up to the shadow surrounding them, gently dragging her finger through it. Ethan mumbles softly but doesn't wake. Good. He needs sleep. When he wakes up, they'll take Tyler to see an actual doctor and then figure out what the fuck to do from there.

She keeps tracing shapes into his shadow, waiting for one of them to wake. It's much more boring being in Ethan's shadow when she's awake and he's asleep. It's not like she can leave... right? Kat presses her hand into the shadow.

"Kat!" Ethan's head snaps up. His voice is strained and he's sweating. "Stop!"

"Sorry!" she squeals pulling her hand back.

Tyler groands and flops over, covering his ears. "It's the middle of the night."

The shadow vanishes, letting in the light from the sun. "Nope," Ethan says smiling. He's still a bit pale.

"Are you okay?" Kat asks.

Ethan shudders a bit. "Just... whatever you did, don't do it again, please? It felt... really weird and uncomfortable." He smiles weakly.

"What did Kat do?" Tyler mumbles. He rubs at his eyes and sits up.

Kat blushes a bit. "I wanted to know if I could leave his shadow."

"Oh. You've... you've never done that before," Ethan says softly.

"I've never been in your shadow with you sleeping that long," Kat says. That was definitely a bad idea. "I just... was curious?"

Ethan runs his hand through his hair. "Okay, well, now you know. If we weren't as deep in it, maybe you would be able to?"

"Wait, what does that mean?" Tyler asks. He rubs at his throat and winces.

Kat swats at his arm. "Stop that!" Tyler looks away and grumbles.

"I... well, I can hide in my shadow to different extents. I can be visible as just a shadow, I can be completely hidden, or I can be hidden and also block out everything else, which is what I usually do when sleeping," Ethan explains.

"So you do the same thing that you did to that woman?" Tyler asks raising his eyebrows.

Ethan shakes his head. "It's... different. I take my shadow back to me... but they're just gone... I don't... really know where they go... or if they go anywhere at all..."

"So if you wanted to bring them back?" Kat asks. Her heart pounds a bit. Would they be able to bring the woman back? Ask about the pictures?

"I don't think I can do that," Ethan says. "After I call my shadow back... what's done is done."

Tyler shudders. "Well that's fucking creepy."

"Gee, thanks Tyler." Ethan's voice is way too hard and empty.

Kat pushes herself up from the couch. She can't really disagree with Tyler... but... "Well that was fucking rude," she says rolling her eyes. Tyler shrugs slightly, dipping his head. "We can talk about this shit more later, but we should definitely take Tyler to an ER first. I'm driving."

Ethan sits in the waiting room, his leg bouncing up and down. Kat keeps glancing over at him, but it's not like she can do anything to help. There's too many people around to have his shadow out, even if it's below his chair. So he keeps it hidden and bounces his leg instead. It helps... a bit.

"Do you think he'll need stitches?" Ethan blurts out.

"Fu-" Kat cuts herself off when she notices a mom with a kid-nearby. Ethan smiles slightly as she stumbles over her words to cover the almost swear. "Fudge if I know." Ethan giggles slightly. "It didn't look too deep. The bruises looked worst honestly."

Ethan winces. "Yea... I noticed." He hadn't realized it last night, being too drained after it all, letting himself shut down once he knew they'd be safe. It wasn't until this morning when Tyler started talking that he realized how fucked up he looked and how shit his throat probably was. His leg bounces faster. "Kaaat. He's been in there so long."

"There's a lot of other people here," Kat counters. "How about we go for a drive? I doubt he'll be done anytime soon. We can pick up some coffee and snacks."

The hospital has some food for sale... but getting out sounds better. "Yea... yea, that sounds good. He can always send a message if he finishes early. We won't go too far." Ethan smiles slightly.

"C'mon." Kat stands and pulls him up with her. She tugs him out of the waiting room into the parking lot. Once they're away from everyone, Ethan feels himself relax and Kat must notice too because she lets go of his arm. As soon as they get in the car and close the doors, Ethan calls a bit of his shadow to his hand, fidgeting with it as Kat starts up the car. "Better?" Ethan nods. "Good. Plus hospital coffee tastes like shit and I need some caffeine."

"Kat, we slept like ten hours."

She glares at him. "Ethan. I always need caffeine." Despite her angry face, Ethan giggles. There's a local coffee shop near-by, so they stop there. Kat gets a coffee so large it cannot be good for her. After checking about peanut free products, Ethan has to settle for some tea. Not as good as coffee, but still pretty damn good. It's fucking hot, and Kat's coffee must be hot too, but she's somehow halfway done with it. He decides not to question her.

He fiddles with his shadow as Kat drives through the streets. She must have decided that it wasn't worth staying in the waiting room, cause she's not heading towards the hospital. Just driving the streets surrounding it. Every so often, he catches her glancing at him. "If you want, I can drop you back off at Tyler's and you can get your car."

"I'll get it later," Ethan says shrugging. "Do you think..." He hesitates. His shadow snakes onto his shoulders. "Do you think we'd be safer at our place or Tyler's?"

Kat's hands grip the steering wheel way too tight, so that her knuckles are white. But she's driving and sending his shadow to her screams bad idea. "I'm honestly not sure. If we had that woman's phone..." Her voice trails off.

Ethan runs his hand through his hair and sighs. He should've thought through what he was doing. He shouldn't have just made her disappear without asking questions cause now they don't know shit. But if he didn't... would Tyler be okay? Would he even be alive? "Yea," he agrees softly. "It's too bad."

"And you can't... you know, get it back?"

He shakes his head. "My shadow is here with me. It's not like when I send parts of it to you and can tell where it is. This is... different."

Kat stops at a light and uses the opportunity to guzzle down more coffee. "Okay, so talk me through this. When you make yourself disappear, your shadow is surround you, right? That's what makes you invisible and shit."

"Yup." He pops the end of the word.

"Then you can make others disappear. You send your shadow to them, same thing happens, but you call your shadow back and they're gone?"

"Yea, that seems to be the case." Ethan huffs and crosses his arms.

Kat pulls into a parking lot and stops the car. There's a bunch of cars around but not many people. Apparently she's just highly addicted to caffeine and stopped to fucking _chug her still steaming coffee_. But when she's done, she holds the cup out towards Ethan. "Make this disappear."

" _Kaaat_ ," he whines softly. She glares at him and he sighs. His shadow slips from his shoulder down his arm, snaking onto Kat's hand and surrounding the cup. When it settles back on his shoulders, the cup is gone. "There. Why? We already know I can do that."

"Okay, do you feel tired or anything?" Kat's examining her hand where the cup was. She closes her hand as if she expects something to happen.

Rolling his eyes, Ethan retorts, "No more than I did earlier. Why?"

"Every other time you've gone to sleep afterwards," Kat asks narrowing her eyes slightly. "Does vanishing something make you tired?"

Ethan pauses. She's right, of course, cause Kat always has to be right. But every other time it happened had been so draining emotionally. And he gets tired when he's emotionally drained. "I... I'm not sure?"

"Okay." Kat nods. "Can you try and see if the cup exists within your shadow?"

"Kat, I already told you-"

"Not like that!" Kat huffs. "If you send your shadow back around where it was, is it still there?"

He's never thought of doing that. Well, it's not like he even knew he could make things disappear until a month ago. He sends his shadow back to where Kat had held the cup. And like every other time he's vanished something or sent his shadow to someone... he feels something in it again. The shadow flies back to him as the cup falls back onto Kat's lap.


	12. Chapter 12

Staring at the cup on Kat's lap should not be scary but it's _fucking terrifying._ Kat's quiet too, both of them staring at the object.

"Don't... don't try to make this make sense." Ethan presses his hands into his eyes and sighs. "We don't need to figure out the science of it." Kat just nods and starts driving again.

It's a while later when they finally get a call from Tyler, asking where the hell they went and if they're okay. It's even later when they finally pick Tyler up.

He looks like absolute shit with dark bags under his eyes, but the bandage on his neck looks way better than whatever Kat had done. The bruises still look bad. He settles into the backseat and closes his eyes.

Kat doesn't give Tyler a moment to rest though and blurts out, "Ethan can bring things back."

"Congrats," Tyler mumbles. Ethan giggles slightly.

"Shut up." Kat rolls her eyes. "That woman knew who we were, and there's a chance there's footage of what Ethan can do. We have to find it."

"How does me being able to bring things back help?" Ethan asks. A bit of his shadow is dancing around his head, zooming around.

Tyler's eyes widen. "No. We are _not_ bringing that-that..." He cuts himself off and crosses his arms, practically pouting.

"No, fuck her," Kat agrees.

"Whoa, wait, what are you even talking about Kat?" Ethan fixes his hair, letting his shadow settle around his fingers. He's having a hard time keeping up with everything today. A hard time focusing on where he is and what's happening. Which probably isn't good.

"So those pictures she got probably came from the van." Kat's face pales a little bit. Ethan fidgets a bit in his seat. He doesn't know if Kat mentioned how he _crushed a fucking van_ to Tyler. She glances at Ethan quickly. "Do you think you can bring that back?"

His mouth drops. "Do you even think there'll be... you... you don't think it's too damaged?"

"Why would it be damaged?" _Fuck_. Yup, Tyler doesn't know, and Ethan doesn't wanna be the one to tell him.

"Well, there's that and then..." Kat swallows and grips the wheel tighter. His shadow automatically settles onto her lap. "But we have a choice. We either try with the van or with that woman's phone. What are the odds she dropped it?"

Tyler clears his throat, not for attention or anything but probably just cause it feels weird. "Well, seeing as she put it in her pocket before pulling _a knife_ on me, I'm saying that there are no odds."

Kat nods slightly. She's shaking a bit worse. "We don't have to do anything yet," Ethan says softly. "Let's just get home, and we can-"

"We _can't_ _!_ We don't have the time!" Kat cries out smacking the steering wheel. Ethan's shadow shoots forward around the wheel, steadying it when the car lurches.

"Kat!" Tyler shrieks.

She lets out a soft sob. Ethan puts his hand on her shoulder. "Pull over, Kat. I'll drive." Kat nods slightly as she slows down and pulls into a parking lot. By the time Ethan gets out and to the driver's side, she still hasn't moved, his shadow weaving itself between her fingers. "C'mon," he coaxes touching her shoulder. Kat looks at him, tears filling her eyes. She looks so... small somehow. "It's okay." Kat nods.

"You're safe here," Tyler agrees. He leans forward and pats Kat's shoulder before exiting the car and nudging Ethan away from the driver's side. Ethan steps back, letting Tyler scoop Kat out of the seat and move her to the back. Kat doesn't move as Tyler buckles her in. Ethan slips into the driver's seat, adjusting everything as Tyler comes around and gets into the passenger seat. He's never actually _driven_ Kat's car before, but it's gotta be better than letting her keep driving when she's having a fucking panic attack. They're silent for a bit as Ethan pulls back onto the road, taking the time to adjust to how her car drives.

Once they're on the road and he's sure no one's watching too closely, he surrounds Kat in his shadow, making sure she stays visible. Tyler's staring with wide eyes. "She won't... ya know... disappear, right?" he asks, then clears his throat again.

Ethan shakes his head. "It's just like when I surrounded us last night... just, I'm not in there with her. I've... actually never done that before? But I can feel her in there. It's... different?"

"Different?" Tyler asks raising his eyebrows.

He shrugs and runs a hand through his hair. "Just... it's... softer, I guess? Just... keeping her safe. I can't really explain it." Tyler hums softly and nods. "Plus, apparently I can bring things back now?" He chuckles nervously and fixes his hair again. "Which is WILD but heh, ya know. All of this is."

"About that..." Tyler glances back at Kat. "I know she wants to get the footage back... but why would the van even have footage like that? And what even happened to the van?"

Ethan swallows, tapping at the wheel. "When we get back to our place, okay, Tyler?" Tyler nods, and they fall into silence once more.

"I gotta check on Spencer and make sure he didn't have any accidents," Ethan says when they get back to their apartment. "Can you take care of Kat?"

Tyler nods and Ethan smiles, hopping out of the car and hurrying towards the door. As Ethan leaves, the shadows surrounding Kat follow him. She's still asleep somehow. Despite drinking coffee and sleeping through the night. But it's been a weird fucking night and weird fucking day. Hell, if he could, he'd be napping right now. But his mind's moving too fast for him to settle down.

She looks so peaceful sleeping, so instead of waking her up, Tyler sighs and lifts her from the car, closing the door with his foot. Ethan thankfully didn't bother closing the door all the way and is already leaving the apartment with Spencer, praising him for being "such a good bubba!"

Tyler places Kat on the couch as gently as he can and sits in the chair next to it, not sure what to do. Obviously she needs sleep and Ethan needs to take care of Spencer. So they can't do anything yet, and they _really_ can't do anything without Ethan. It's not like either of them can tear a hole in reality and make people disappear with _their_ shadow. _Fuck._

He rubs at his throat. Thank god he didn't need stitches. There was some damage to his throat though. Nothing bad, but explains why it kinda hurts to talk. Cortisone shot he got definitely helped, but carrying Kat definitely did not.

In his pocket, his phone buzzes and he pulls it out. It's a message from Mark.

Mark: _Hey man, that new restaurant is doing a happy hour with half off appetizers. Wanna go around four with me? Amy doesn't want to :(_

Tyler chuckles a bit. But there's no way in hell he can go to a freaking _Happy Hour_ when all this shit is going on. Now when Kat and Ethan and him are all alternating on who's having a fucking breakdown and when there may or may not be people that may or may not be involved in the mob- which neither Kat nor Ethan have given a definitive answer on!- that are after them.

So he'll just tell Mark just as much of the truth as he can.

Tyler: _Dude, that sounds like a dream come true, but last night when Ethan and I were hanging out, we went to get some food and this dude mugged us. Pretty fucked up and don't feel up to it. Sorry man :(_

Yea, that'll work. It's similar to what he told to the doctor. And it's not like Mark is gonna ask more- FUCK HIS PHONE IS RINGING. MARK IS CALLING HIM. SHIT.

Tyler flails for a second before answering, keeping his voice down as he answers. "Uh, hey man." Trying to whisper makes his voice hurt _and_ sound worse.

"HEY MAN? _HEY MAN?_ " Mark screams. Tyler jerks the phone away from his face and turns down the volume as Mark keeps yelling. "You can't just tell me that you got mugged in a text!"

"Would you rather an e-mail?"

He hears Mark huff. "No, _no I would not rather an e-mail_ _!_ Dude, what happened? Are you okay?"

"Uh, feeling better, but it freaked us the fuck out." He rubs at his throat again, wincing as an image of the woman grabbing onto him flashes into his mind. Tyler clears his throat. "We actually just got back from the hospital. The police were busy as shit last night, and I didn't wanna pay for an ambulance, but Ethan was too freaked to drive. So we went this morning. I got a cortisone shot-"

" _For what?_ " Mark insists. "What the _fuck_ did they do to you?"

"Nothing, nothing!" Tyler says. He lowers his voice when Kat stirs. "Just... ya know... held a knife to my throat-" Mark interrupts, cursing loudly. "-but I'm fine! Didn't need stitches! Just, some really bad bruising. Guy just wanted some money, didn't want any actual trouble."

"Where are you now? Did you get back home? You didn't drive, did you?" He can practically _hear_ Mark searching for his keys.

He scoffs. "I'm not an idiot Mark," he says. "Ethan didn't really sleep last night, so we actually called Kat this morning and she took me. The hospital is closer to their place, so we came back here cause we're all tired as fuck."

"Oh." Mark's voice is a lot softer now. There's a pause. "Why didn't you call me?"

"I know you have a really busy schedule with filming and I didn't want to-"

"Tyler," Mark interrupts. "You know if there's an emergency, you can always call, right?"

He does know that. Would call Mark in any other instance if he really needed help. But this is different. Ethan asked for Kat. Ethan _needed_ Kat, not just for support, but to explain what the fuck was going on. Going to the hospital and getting help wasn't even something that he could've even done last night. Okay, well, he probably could have, but there was so much shit going on.

Tyler takes a deep breath and forces a smile Mark can't even see. "Yea, I know bud. Next time, okay?"

"There _better_ not be a next time," Mark says, and Tyler chokes out a laugh. "If you guys need anything, let me know? I'd bring over food, but the half off apps is only for dine in. But I could still bring food if you need!"

"Nah, I think I'm fine," Tyler says. "I'll probably take a nap on their couch, drink some water, and then either Uber home or get Kat to drive me."

"Okay, just let me know if you wanna talk. I got a pretty light schedule today," Mark says.

"Sounds good. I'm gonna hang up, but I'll text you later."

"Alright man." Mark pauses, then says softly, "Love you."

Tyler rolls his eyes and chuckles. "Love you too man." He hangs up. A moment later Ethan comes back in with Spencer, staying quiet when he notices Kat passed out on the couch. "Good walk?"

Spencer's leash jingles as Ethan hangs it back up. "I'm gonna get you a white board cause you're sounding worse the more you talk," Ethan says.

"Wow, thanks." Tyler crosses his arms and stares down Ethan, but he just giggles.

Ethan turns serious again and gestures for Tyler to come over. "We're gonna check out the van without Kat, cause that was a really rough night for her and that van is a trigger for us both." Tyler nods. Ethan's shadow surrounds them swiftly, but it feels lighter than it did this morning. He watches his friend as he shudders slightly and takes a deep breath. "So... you asked about the van before, and cause you're gonna see it when we go out there... I guess I should tell you."

Tyler nods, changing his stance and uncrossing his arms. "Alright," he says. _Here it comes._ He's gonna find out if this involves the mob, right? They probably tried to destroy any evidence.

"I destroyed it," Ethan blurts out.

"Huh?" Tyler's eyebrows shoot up. Okay, that's not what he was expecting. "What do you mean?"

Ethan scoops up a bit of his shadow, threading it between his fingers as he talks. "I went out the next morning... after what happened... and when I saw the van, I just... cracked a bit?" His voice gets a bit higher and faster as he talks. "And I just started attacking it with my shadow and then might have crushed it? But I'm not sure if I crushed it fully when I made it disappear or not, and I _really_ hope it's still pretty intact cause I don't think any of us want to deal with that woman."

Tyler watches as Ethan keeps fidgeting, his face slightly flushed. "Okay... okay, not a big deal," he says. "Doesn't really matter. We have a plan B. Plus, isn't there a man with the van too?"

"Yea... not sure if he'll still be in the same spot or if he can move around _or what_." Ethan runs his hand through his hair, making it stand up straight.

"Alright." Tyler takes a deep breath. "Alright, we'll figure this out."

"Okay, yea." Ethan nods and bounces on his feet. "I figure we should stay in my shadow, this way no one sees. I kinda remember where the van was? But I'll kinda search for it as we go."

"Makes sense." It doesn't really. But all he has to do is stay close to Ethan and that's easy enough. He still seems fidgeting, but he's more focused than he had been before.

"Don't let go, okay?" Tyler nods as Ethan wraps their arms together and starts walking. "I've never moved with someone else in my shadow... but I've also never done a lot of the things I've been doing lately." He chuckles to himself.

"It's... weird, for sure," Tyler says. He can see faint outlines of the apartment around them as they move, flickering in and out of the shadow as Ethan leads him _through a fucking wall_. It should feel weird, but it doesn't feel like anything.

Ethan doesn't respond, too focused on moving his shadow or whatever. He leads Tyler into the middle of the street, which is mildly terrifying considering they're _freaking invisible_ _and cars can't see them_ but also cars can't hit them? Probably. He's pretty sure.

"Oh." Ethan stops, his voice quiet. He holds his hand forward and Tyler watches as something appears in the shadow with them.

He clears his throat. "Yea," he agrees as a wrecked van appears in front of them. The windows are shattered, pieces of glass speckled on the ground around it. All the tires are popped, basically shreds of rubber. And the van itself... it looks like it was in a collision that made it flip. The headlights are cracked, the hood is warped so badly it's no longer closer, and the roof has a dent in it so big it's like a fucking meteor hit it. 

"Do you think... there's anything useful left?"

Ethan shrugs. "Not sure... but I know the man's still out there." He gesture vaguely to the area near the van. "Kinda pushed him away from his, but he's still trapped." Ethan's voice cracks slightly.

"Alive?" Tyler asks. Ethan shakes his head. "Oh."

" _Fuck_." Ethan presses his hands into his eyes, his shoulders shaking as he takes a deep breath. The shadow closes around them, so the van's no longer inside and the street's no longer visible. "I don't think I can do this Tyler."

"It's alright." He places his hand on Ethan's shoulder. "We'll take a break, come out later-"

"Not the van." Ethan crosses his arms and plops onto the ground, leaving Tyler's hand awkwardly in the air. " _All_ of this. It's just... I know I killed him. I knew he was dead. But it's _worse_ seeing it. And the same thing will happen to that woman. And I can't let her out. Ever." Tyler crouches next to Ethan, and the shadow compresses a bit a more, pressing into Ethan's back.

He places his hand on Ethan's knee. There's not really much he can say to that. Cause Ethan's right. That woman has to go to jail, _deserves_ to go to jail, but... she knows about Ethan. Knows that he made a man disappear and probably knows how after what happened last night. And she'll survive a few days... but not long.

"We can't really go back to get her phone," Tyler says softly. Ethan shakes his head. "Okay, it's okay bud." It's really not okay. This whole thing is fucked up beyond belief and Ethan basically killed someone, and even if that person was the worst kind of human... that's hard. That's hard to live with.

"Is it bad I don't regret it?" Ethan asks. He meets Tyler's eyes, tears dripping down his face.

Tyler shakes his head. "No, of course not Eth, it's not bad." He clears his throat. "You don't have to answer... but what really happened? You just said he tried to kidnap Kat... but... why?"

"To sell her." Ethan's face hardens as he wipes the tears away.

Tyler's hand curls into a fist and he takes a deep breath. "Fuck them then," he says shaking Ethan's knee. " _Fuck anyone_ who thinks they can sell someone else for any fucking reason." He stands up, the shadow stretching around him as he moves. "You can stay here. Just let me a borrow enough of your shadow to search that _fucking_ _van_ cause this shit is not happening to anyone else." Tyler doesn't wait for an answer from Ethan, knowing as soon as he steps away that the shadow is moving with him. He glances back, but he can't see Ethan. But when he looks forward, the van's in front of him.

Tyler creeps forward, noticing the cracked camera above the driver's seat for the first time. Considering all the damage, it's in pretty good condition, but fuck, he is _definitely_ not the best person for this job. Ethan and Kat are way better with cameras than he is. But there's wires connected to the camera that lead to some more equipment that isn't too advanced for Tyler to figure out. He opens the door and glass falls at his feet. Going in it screams BAD IDEA but it's not like he'd rather have someone else do it. Even if they know more about this shit than he does.

There's a set-up on the floor with a shitty monitor and what looks to be a wifi router. He stares back at the camera, then back at the makeshift computer set-up that is definitely for surveillance which is fucking creepy. But they need to know what's on it, and the camera probably uploads the footage directly to the computer. Most likely. So he gets to work. Cause that's all he can do.


	13. Chapter 13

Sometimes using his shadow is weird. Like when he sends a bit to Kat, and he can't _really_ see her or anything, but he _knows_ exactly where he is. So with his shadow dividing him from Tyler... he still knows where Tyler is. That he's safe and okay and doing what he needs to do. Which is cool and definitely good that he can do that.

What _sucks total ass_ is he can also tell there's a dead body in the darkness, not his shadow, something separate from his shadow. But it was his shadow- it was him- that sent this man here to die. And hell, he deserved it. But... he didn't know he could kill. Not with his shadow... not by sending someone to an eternal darkness where they're doomed to starve or die of dehydration.

The woman's still trapped. He can't exactly change that without her coming after him again. Probably with more people. And they can't go to the cops. Not with what she knows and the timeline being skewed. They definitely need to avoid any attention from the cops on that, but considering they didn't even check out the call or give a follow up call (cause ACAB), it shouldn't be a problem.

But it's like there's a clock ticking down in Ethan's head. He doesn't know how much time there is left... but it's counting down to when the woman dies. Because she has a limited amount of time, and once it ends... it's over. And he's responsible for that. For her dying. Especially now that he understands... now that he knows...

He takes a deep breath, his shadow closing in a bit. It quiets the buzzing in his head, but his stomach is still unsettled. He can't hide right now. He has to wait for Tyler, be here to take him out of his shadow. He just has to focus.

Ethan runs his hand through his hair, his breath shaky and his hands unsteady. All around him is darkness but it still feels too bright and somehow distorted. But it's his shadow, his safe shadow that's his and his alone. For the first time, he feels uncomfortable with it around him, with it surrounding him. Like he'll fully disappear into it. Or like it will change him.

His stomach cramps and he leans over, gagging as his body tries to throw up. It's too hot, it's TOO FUCKING HOT. His throat stings as he pukes up bile. It disappears almost as soon as he leaves his mouth, probably to the same fucking darkness where that man fucking died and that crushed van was sent to.

"Ethan?" It's quiet, muffled. He raises his hand and flicks it, combining the shadow around him with the one around Tyler. Tyler shouldn't be in his shadow. Shouldn't be here. Not safe.

"Inside." Tyler nods, adjusting the box full of technology in his hands. As soon as they walk through the door, Ethan sends his shadow back to his feet. "I'll start setting that up." He moves to take the box from Tyler, but Tyler doesn't let him, moving past and setting it on the table. "Hey!"

Tyler turns and stares at Ethan. His face is blank, but there's dark spots under his eyes and his body sags just a bit. "Ethan, are you okay?" The words are soft, too soft... so soft.

Ethan forces a smile. "Hanging in there. I'll feel better when we see what's up with this shit." No, he won't. He won't feel better because there's a timer ticking in his head, ticking down to when what he did can't be changed. What does it mean to kill two people? That's what he's done. He killed one... and now another is going to die. How many days? How many hours? He taps his finger against the table. Each second is a second he can't take back. He'll wait out the clock. They can't save her. She can't be saved anyway. She's dangerous. This is better.

Tyler's too tired to argue. Ethan can tell. He'll go to take a nap and leave Ethan alone to deal with this shit. Figure it out with some fucking quiet. "Do you wanna talk?" Tyler asks, his last attempt.

"Nah, I need to start working," Ethan lies. He starts pulling things out of the box. A camera, a modem, a monitor, a computer.... He'll figure this out. It'll work out. It has too. But that clock keep sticking.

Tyler can't keep track of what Ethan's doing. He has a crash course in editing and shit, but this shit is beyond him. If he tried to help Ethan, he'd probably just fuck it up. Kat's already asleep on the couch, but Ethan said it's okay if he takes a nap in his bed. Which Tyler really needs, so thank god Ethan's okay with it.

It's been too long of a day, and he's still trying to deal with what happened last night, let alone today. But it doesn't matter. It'll make some sense when he gets rest. So Tyler forces his mind to shut up enough for him to fall asleep.

_She's grabbing his neck, pressing the knife against it. There's a wall of smoke and she disappears. Ethan is standing there, shaking. "She deserved it." Everything flickers. There's another dead body. Another person Ethan left to die. "He deserved it." The scene changes too fast, too many times. Ethan keeps holding his hand forward, a wall of darkness shooting forward, pushing past him as it consumes the woman with the knife to his throat. Again and again and again. She keeps screaming. It doesn't stop._

His body is drenched in sweat when Tyler wakes up, images of the Ethan with his shadow flashing through his head. Ethan was protecting him. That's obvious. Because Ethan would never hurt him. Never hurt anyone.

A shower will help. He knows where the spare towels are, and he can just throw on the same clothes. But a shower will clear his head.

So Tyler grabs a towel and hops in the shower. The water is cold against his skin. He lets out a sigh. Because he's safe-

_You said you wanted to know to know what happened to him. I'm just giving you an answer._

Tyler's eyes snap open. He's in the shower. He's safe. The water is still cold. He grabs the soap-

_Leave him alone!_

The soap falls, the clang echoing through the shower as Tyler shudders. It's okay... it's okay...

_Ethan holds out his hand, his shadow shooting-_

No. No. STOP! Tyler presses his head against the wall. It's just a memory. It can't hurt him. He's safe, he's okay.

_Ethan's eyes are dark, the shadow rushing forward as he-_

Ethan is his friend. He would never hurt-

His friend killed someone-

he didn't mean to-

Ethan killed someone and is killing someone-

no, it's not Ethan's fault. Not his fault.

The water pounds against the tile, too loud. Tyler presses his head against the wall, letting the cold water hit him. There's too many voices in his head, too many memories. Ethan would never hurt anyone. He wouldn't...

But he saw the woman disappear. And there's the man who tried to take Kat... but that was all self-defense... right?

Right?

Because Ethan couldn't hurt a fly. Not his Ethan. Not the Ethan he knows.

It's okay. It's okay.

But it's not. The water is too cold, and then too hot, and every time he closes his eyes, he sees Ethan angry, darkness surrounding him... an Ethan he doesn't recognize... an Ethan he doesn't know if he can trust.

Because seeing that Ethan... he's not the same blue haired boy full of joy that Mark hired. That he met and worked with. It's not the same Ethan. So how can he trust him?

He can't. He can't. Tyler shudders, grabbing onto the wall of the shower, but there's nothing to hold onto.

There's only so much he can do. So much he can keep track of. But he knows... he knows now...

He's not safe here. Not anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I decided to update after a few drinks, and I have very little memory of writing the last chapter, but I'm surprisingly happy with how it came out?

Kat likes to give Ethan shit sometimes about his editing skills. Obviously he's a good editor- otherwise Mark would never have hired him. But for all the shit she gives him, he's good at what he does. Which is why it's not surprising when she wakes up to find him having set up a computer on their kitchen table. None of the shit from the set-up looks familiar. So it must be the shit from the van.

She sits down next to him as he searches on his phone for help with figuring out the password without anything getting erased. Aka teaching himself how to hack. Bit different than editing, but they're both good with computers. They'll figure this out.

"Guess you went without me?" Kat jokes picking up the shattered camera next to the monitor. It's not so broken the memory card should be damaged... plus depending on what the set-up was, the footage might already be uploaded.

"Figured you'd be asleep for a while," Ethan teases. He doesn't look up from his phone as he reads through a sketchy looking website. "Hope you don't mind."

Kat cannot say that she does mind. Honestly, thank fuck she didn't have to deal with that shit. Seeing the van and all. Kat shudders slightly a bit, the image of the crushed van popping into her mind. She sits with that image for a second before letting it fade. "Where's Tyler?"

"Taking a nap," Ethan says. He looks up to monitor, at the login screen. He types something in, holding his breath. The password bar shakes. "Dammit!" He runs his hand through his hair.

"Want me to try?" Kat asks. Ethan scooches over, letting her take over at the computer. She glances at his phone screen, scanning over the information. It's hard to focus with Ethan bouncing and tapping next to her. "You good?" He nods, but his face is pale and he doesn't stop jittering. His shadow swirls at his feet, not coming up to his hands or shoulders... just... staying down there. "Why aren't you holding your shadow?"

He turns to her, his shadow gathering behind him as he shouts, "Maybe because I don't want to Kat!" She flinches away, her hands frozen over the keys. Ethan rubs at his face, his shadow fading in and out behind him. "Sorry... I didn't... I didn't mean to scare you." When he looks at her again, his eyes are soft and sad.

"Ethan, seriously, what's wrong?" Kat reaches out. Ethan doesn't mover away, so she places her hand on his shoulder. He looks down, fidgeting with the end of his shirt. "Is this because... of the van?"

He shrugs and takes in a shaky breath. "Not... really... kinda. The man... he was there." Kat freezes, her hand tensing on Ethan's shoulder. It's been a month. He can't be alive. He _couldn't be alive._ Ethan's head snaps up, his eyes meeting Kat's. "Not! Not alive. He's dead." He slouches a bit again. Kat lets out a breath, nodding slightly. Okay, good. That bastard deserved to die. "But now... I know that woman's gonna die... and we could've gotten her arrested if I waited and now I can't do _anything!_ " Ethan lets out a sob, but his shadow stays on the floor, swirling around his feet. "I can't do _anything right_ _and now someone else is gonna die!"_

Kat grips onto his shoulder tighter, pulling him closer and hugging him as he cries and his whole body shakes. It's not unfamiliar. They used to do this all the time after what happened. They'd cry together, hugging each other close. But always with his shadow close, usually with it around them. But his shadow doesn't move. It stays on the ground. "Ethan, take some deep breaths. I'm right here." _I'm right here._ That's what he always says to get her to calm down, to remind her that he'll be there in the morning when she wakes, that he won't leave her side. That they'll stay safe in the shadow together.

He sobs even louder, wailing as he pulls Kat closer. He buries his face in her as his body collapses forward, finally relaxing. "I just KEEP FUCKING UP!" Ethan shouts. "Everything I do fucks it up more!"

"Stop!" Kat snaps. She stops herself from pulling away to glare at him. "How did you fuck up?"

He hiccoughs. "First, I made that man disappear and I _killed_ him because I was being selfish and-"

"That wasn't your fault," Kat says. "Remind yourself of that."

"It wasn't my fault," Ethan grumbles, "but the photos! Because of that I brought this woman-"

Kat sighs. Lord give her patience cause Ethan is not getting this. " _She_ followed you and Tyler because she wanted to find a man _who is a sex trafficker_. Again, definitely not your fault."

"I didn't even _try_ to talk to her or anything though," Ethan whines. He's crying less though. That's good.

"She had a _knife_ to Tyler's throat," Kat says. She pulls away from Ethan, keeping her hands on his shoulders as he wipes his eyes with his hand. "You did what you needed to keep Tyler safe."

"I just... I don't want her to die... but she knows about me and I don't know what to do." His voice is so soft. So scared. Kat relaxes a bit, her patience coming back to her by some miracle. "I just... it's scary Kat."

Kat laughs. "Fuck yea it is." Ethan giggles, fidgeting with the fabric on his sleeves. "But we'll figure it out, okay? One step at a time though. Let's focus on figuring out if anyone else knows and getting rid of any evidence, okay?"

"If we can figure out hacking," Ethan says scrunching his face up. Kat lets go of him as they both turn back to the computer. "Do you know any hackers?"

Kat barks out a laugh, and Ethan's shoulders relax a bit more as he giggles. But his shadow stays on the floor, restless like a pet kept in place by a leash.

Mark glances down at his phone, pausing the game when he sees Tyler's name pop up. "Edit this WHOLE phone conversation out," he says aloud, pointing directly to the camera. It's a reminder for himself because even if Ethan and Kat know about the mugging, this is a private conversation. If Tyler called him, it's for a reason, and he's not gonna betray his trust. "Hello?"

"Hey! Mark!" Tyler greets. His voice is a bit more chipper, less raspy. Which is really good.

"Tyler! Hey! You sound a lot better." Mark turns away from his equipment, taking a few steps away.

Tyler laughs. "Well, I took a nap and a shower, which definitely helped. Ethan and Kat are busy with editing, and I don't really feel like going home yet." There's still that added chipper-ness (that's a word, right?-yea, yea. It definitely is) to Tyler's voice. Like he's TOO happy. Or faking being happy. Which he has to be cause he literally got mugged at knife point less than a day ago.

"You wanna come over?" Mark offers. He heads back to the desk, ready to stop recording and save it for another time. Tyler's more important, and he's gotta make sure he knows that.

"Actually, wanna meet for happy hour still? I'm on my way there in an Uber now. I only really ate breakfast, and I'm fucking starving. Figure I can grab a table and start ordering for us. If that's okay with you."

Mark smiles. "Totally! Yea! I'll meet you there bud! Just give me a few minutes to get ready, and I'll see you there in a bit!"

"Awesome! Bye Mark!" Tyler ends the call, and Mark puts his phone in his back pocket before ending the recording and closing all his software. Obviously Tyler needs a distraction, and if eating some appetizers for cheap prices will help, well, hell, Mark sure as hell won't complain. But Tyler really didn't sound like himself on the phone. Way too upbeat. Especially after sounding so weak and tired this morning. He's not trying to downplay this for Mark, right?

"Amy! I'm heading out!" Mark yells as he gabs his keys.

"Bring me back some leftovers!"

"Only if we don't eat it all!"

"Who are you going with?"

Mark double checks his pockets for his wallet and phone. "Tyler just called. He changed his mind."

"Oh! Tell him I hope he's feeling better! We should send him chocolate or something!"

He chuckles. "I don't think he'd have any objections to that. Byeee!"

"We can't hack for shit," Ethan sighs. He presses his hands through his hair and stares at the screen. "How long has it been?"

Kat checks her watch and sighs. "Like half an hour or so. Maybe longer. Food break?"

"Food break," Ethan agrees resting his head on the table. "Should we wake Tyler up?" It hasn't been that long since Tyler went up to take a nap. Only an hour. But food is important.

"I thought he was awake? I heard the shower turn on a bit ago," Kat says.

"Oh." Ethan lifts his head. Kat's biting her lip and staring upstairs. "I should check on him."

Kat shakes her head. "Nah, you can stay here. I'll go up. You look like fucking death." Ethan smiles slightly as she ruffles his hair and stands up, stretching before she goes up the stairs to check on Tyler.

He sits up and stretches too. He hums when his back cracks. Probably should get started on lunch. Or dinner? It's kinda late for lunch but early for dinner. Whatever. They're eating now at least. It's been a fucking insane day. He can just make some sandwiches or chicken nuggets or some shit. Chicken nuggs sound pretty good. He starts preheating the oven when Kat comes barreling down the stairs. "Did Tyler say he was leaving? Or did you lend him you shadow or something cause-"

Ethan turns around. Kat's face is pale. "Is he not there?" She shakes her head. "Okay, well, he probably just didn't want to disturb us and wanted to head home. I'll call him, okay?" Kat nods, still too pale. "Here, sit down." Ethan pulls out a chair and she sits in it, tapping her fingers against her leg as he pulls up Tyler's contact and calls. It barely rings before going to voicemail. "Huh. Guess it died?"

"Let me try," Kat says. She grabs her own phone from the table. It rings a few times. "Tyler! Hey! Did you head out?" Kat's fingers stop tapping. Ethan moves closer and hears Tyler's voice. But it's hard to tell what he's saying. "Oh! Totally understand! Next time just tell us? No, it's fine! I just got a bit worried! Text me when you get back. Okay! We'll be here if you need anything."

Ethan fidgets with his shirt again, rubbing the fabric between his fingers. Tyler didn't answer for him. Answered for Kat though. Probably doesn't want to talk to Ethan. To a killer.

Kat nudges Ethan and he looks up, forcing himself to smile. "You okay?" she asks.

He nods. "Yea. Just hungry. I'll preheat the oven, and we can keep working while we wait. Chicken nuggets are good, right?"

"Uhuh." Kat's already back to work, typing at her own laptop and reading through various websites about coding and hacking. She's no really paying attention to him, doesn't really seem to think anything of Tyler not answering his call.

 _He's afraid of you. They both are._ Ethan shakes his head, ignoring his thoughts. He pushes his shadow further away, keeping it under the table and as far away from him as he can handle.

It's changing him. He doesn't want to change. He doesn't want to become the darkness.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Drinking to cope and flashbacks

Mark finds Tyler sitting at a table, a half full glass of water and an almost empty glass of something else in front of him. He's on his phone, not looking up. "Hey Tyler!" he greets as he sits down.

"Mark!" Tyler puts his phone away. "Good to see you bud!"

"You too!" Mark stares at Tyler, trying to force a smile. But _fuck_. His friend looks like shit. It's really fucking clear where the mugger grabbed Tyler cause there's dark blue and yellow bruises on his chin and the parts of his throat _not_ covered by a huge fucking piece of gauze. He clears his throat and grabs a menu, still keeping the fake smile plastered to his face. "How ya feeling?"

Tyler shrugs. "Eh, honestly not the best? But I slept a shit ton and going to the doctor helped a shit ton. It no longer hurts when I talk." Tyler laughs loudly. A bit _too_ loud, if you ask Mark. He probably doesn't want to talk about this in public. Okay... topic change... topic change...

"I found a new shitty game," Mark blurts out.

"For fun or for work?" Tyler asks raising his eyebrows.

Mark chuckles and shrugs. "Both, I guess? Was checking out shitty games on Steam for a video, and there's this game that's like _really_ in depth but also like _really_ bad graphics and super confusing game play. But it's kinda addicting. I might keep playing it just for fun. You should check it out."

"Shitty games aren't really my thing," Tyler says. He picks up the almost empty glass and finishes it off. "Can't deal with the bad graphics."

Mark scoffs. "Okay, Mr. Particular. Guess you hate older games then?"

"Nostalgia factor Mark." Tyler points at Mark. "Any game that you played when you were younger is automatically better even if it has shit graphics."

"I'll drink to that!" he says holding up an imaginary glass. Tyler laughs and lifts his empty glass. "Should we actually figure out what to get?"

Tyler pushes the menu closer to Mark. It might just be the lighting, but is his face a little red? Probably just the weird lighting. "I already know what apps I want. You gotta choose now."

"Ah, you burden me," Mark teases grabbing the menu and reading over it. "What are you gonna get?"

"Nachos." Tyler leans back and smiles. "Maybe pretzel bites too. Depends if we're gonna share the food."

"Hell yea dude!" Mark glances over the menu. "Nachos and pretzel bites sound fucking _awesome_."

A waiter comes up to the table and smiles. "You ready to order?"

"Yes, thank you." Mark looks back down at the menu. "Could we have some pretzel bites and nachos? And can I have a water please?"

"Certainly." He turns to Tyler. "Anything else for you?"

Tyler gestures to the empty glass. "Just another refill when you get the chance.

"Of course!" The waiter grabs the empty glass and Tyler smiles awkwardly.

"Thanks," he says as the waiter disappears.

Mark bites his tongue, trying not to laugh at Tyler, but Tyler notices and sticks his tongue out. Tyler's always been shit at interacting with strangers. Specially anyone who's serving him. Awkward giant man. "Fucking hype for this food," Mark says stretching his arms out behind him. "Glad I didn't end up eating anything."

"Yea, sorry about the change of plans," Tyler says. "Just decided it'd be good to get out for a bit. Plus I was fucking starving and apps sounded like the dream."

"That's cause they are the dream!" Mark throws his hands up for emphasis, and they both laugh. "These chumps, giving out the best food for half the price! It truly _is_ a happy hour."

Tyler rolls his eyes and jokes, "You're insufferable."

"I'd go so far to say that I am _quite_ sufferable." Mark raises an invisible glass, causing them to both break out laughing again. Tyler's face is even getting flushed from laughing so hard. Good, this is good for him.

The waiter comes back, placing a glass in front of each of them. "Thanks."

"Thank you." Mark picks up his glass and takes a sip from it. Uck. Bars have great apps but terrible water. "Whatcha drinking today?"

"Figured I'd try something a little fancier than a beer," Tyler says taking a gulp from his own drink, wincing when he swallows. "Think it's mint, lime, maybe cucumber? It's pretty good."

Mark raises an eyebrow. "Doesn't look like it."

Tyler's rubbing at his throat, obviously oblivious to the fact that he looks like he's in pain after just _taking a fucking drink and is his throat that fucked up?_ Was he just not gonna tell Mark at all if Mark didn't reach out? "Whattaya mean?"

"You winced when you swallowed," Mark says gesturing to the glass. "Does it... hurt to swallow?"

Tyler rubs at the condensation on the glass, his smile falling a bit. "Not too bad... just kinda burns? Might just be the gin."

Mark frowns and leans forward. "It's chill for you to be drinking alcohol, right?"

"They just gave me a cortisone shot to help with some of the swelling, especially with the vocal chords or whatever." Tyler waves his hand. "Wasn't paying too much attention, but it definitely helped." His hand scratches at the gauze, and his eyes glaze over.

"You good bud?" Tyler doesn't react, staring at a space beyond Mark. "Tyler? Hey." Mark waves his hand in front of Tyler's face. He blinks and his eyes refocus on Mark. "Are you okay?"

"Just... spaced out a bit." His voice is a bit quieter than before, and his shoulders are slumped in.

Mark leans forward and says softly, "We can just get the food to go and hang out at my house if you want."

"Nah, nah, this is fine. It'll get cold if we take it back." Tyler picks up his glass and takes another large drink. Possibly too large. But it's only his second and Tyler needs _a lot_ to get actually drunk. "We can go back there after we eat."

"Okay, whatever works for you." Mark says settling back into his seat.

Tyler nods. "I'm just gonna run to the bathroom. Don't eat all the nachos without me."

"Wouldn't dream of it," Mark says, but his voice falters when Tyler picks up his glass _and chugs the rest of it_. He disappears to find the bathroom.

The waiter is heading towards the table. Mark raises his hand, his heart beating a bit too hard. "Need anything else?" The waiter's smile is way too big and tired. Kinda like Tyler's.

Mark shakes his head. He'll give a really fucking good tip, but that's not what he should be thinking about. "I just... have a bit of a favor to ask. My friend had a kinda rough night last night-" The waiter nods sympathetically. "-and I'm just worried about him drinking too much."

"Oh, should I not have given him a third drink?" the waiter asks, his face paling.

His heart stops. "A _third_?" he asks, his jaw dropping.

The waiter nods, their smile now fully gone as they ramble. "Three drinks. First one was just a beer, but then he wanted to try something else while he waited. The beer was such a low percentage that I didn't think too much of it. And he had been here for a while before you arrived."

 _Three drinks?_ "Okay, okay..." Mark rubs at his head. "Don't worry about it. Just... if he asks for another, leave out the alcohol. Please."

The waiter nods. "Of course sir. I am _so sorry_ about this."

"It's not your fault," Mark says. "Really, it's not. I appreciate you telling me. I'm just... worried about him."

They glance over their shoulder, most likely checking for Tyler. "You know what? The apps are on me. He looks like he had a rough go of it, and it's the least I can do after-"

"Absolutely not," Mark argues waving his hand. "I appreciate the offer, but I refuse to accept it."

The waiter smiles slightly. "Thank you sir. Your food should be out soon."

"Thank you." Mark smiles back as the waiter walks off. He spins his straw around his glass, staring at the water as it swirls. Okay. Three drinks. One beer. That's not too bad for Tyler. Enough to get him past tipsy but not enough to really get him fucked up. If he had another drink or two, _then_ he'd be fucked, but it'll be fine. They'll get their food soon, Mark will get the bill right away, and then they can go back to Mark's and actually talk about this shit cause it really messed with Tyler's head. Which of course it did. Maybe he should ask Ethan more about what happened.

Mark's about to pull out his phone when Tyler slides back into his seat, a smile plastered on his _definitely_ flushed and sweaty face. "Miss me?" Tyler jokes picking up the empty glass. He frowns at it and looks around.

"Waiter should be back soon with our food if you want another," Mark says clearing his throat. It's weird lying to Tyler like this, but honestly, it's for the best. Tyler will be glad later when he's not puking into a trashcan.

"Sweet." Tyler grabs his water glass and chugs it, wincing a bit as he swallows a bit. Mark watches him was he places the glass back down. "I'm _fucking hype_. Nachos are the shit."

Mark laughs, shifting in his seat a bit. Okay, this is definitely not sober Tyler. "Yea, they are man," Mark agrees. Why is this so fucking uncomfortable? He's been around Tyler drunk before. He's not any different from those times. But it's scary that he was just here drinking while he waited for Mark. Maybe he just lost track of how much he drank?

"Wish you could drink man," Tyler says sighing. His eyes are all glossy and shit. "Would be fun to do shots together next time."

"I could do shots of water?" Mark jokes. His voice is hollow, but Tyler laughs loudly regardless.

The waiter appears again, placing down two trays of food and smiling nervously at Mark as they do. "Hope everything is to your liking!"

"Hey, could I get another drink please?" Tyler asks.

Mark meets the waiter's eyes again before they smile at Tyler. "Of course sir. Be right back."

"Oh, and the check too please," Mark says quickly. "And a box." The waiter nods, grabbing Tyler's glass and hurrying off.

"What's the rush man?" Tyler says eating the nachos. "Food just got here."

"Amy texted me," Mark lies, his words coming out too quick. "There's a problem with, uh, with the sink. Handle broke off."

"That _suucks_ ," Tyler says as he shovels more food into his mouth. Mark picks at the chips, nibbling at the food as Tyler eats like he hasn't seen food for days. "Shit's good," he says as he chews.

Mark nods, but his mouth is dry. He takes another drink of water as the waiter appears with another drink, a box, and the check. "Thank you." Cash is much faster. Plus the tip is immediate. Mark reads over the check, his heart pounding when he sees a charge for a double shot of vodka from the bar. He places a bunch of twenties down, not really caring if it's way too much money. That waiter deserves a good tip anyway.

Tyler finally takes a break from eating and guzzles down his drink in one go, his eyes glazing over a bit more as he does so. "I'm just gonna put the food in the boxes if that's okay with you," Mark says reaching out for the box.

"We just got here," Tyler says. He relaxes back into his seat, smiling too widely. "Chill Mark."

Mark fumbles with the box as he puts the pretzels into it. "Just... Amy and the sink..."

"Come on, we came out here to hang Mark." Tyler laughs and grins at the ceiling. "We're just-" He burps. "-just hanging."

Okay, he's dealt with drunk Tyler before. "Yea, I know. I didn't wanna tell you, but I'm just super excited cause I got an early release of this new game, and I wanted to surprise you."

"Oh, shit, re-really?" Tyler slurs. He's swaying in his seat, that too big smile still stuck on his face and out of place with the bruises and gauze on his neck.

"Yea, it was gonna be a surprise after we ate, but I just- was too excited!" Mark forces a smile. This is a shit lie and he is a shit liar.

"Fuck yea, what are we waiting for?" Tyler stands up, grabbing the chair as he stumbles. Mark jumps up and holds onto Tyler. "'m fine, 'm fine." Mark steps back, holding his hands up. There's people staring. Okay, that doesn't matter. He's just gotta get Tyler into the car and back to the house safely. And figure out what game to show him that he can pretend is a new awesome game so he doesn't get mad. Not like Tyler would _get mad_ over something like that usually. But this isn't _usually_. This is fucking _different_ and _weird_ and kinda fucking scary.

He grabs the box, half leading Tyler out of the restaurant as people watch. A mother glares at him and he softly apologizes as they leave. Tyler laughs when they get outside. He stretches out his arms and stares at the sky, stumbling back into Mark. "Mark! Look!" Tyler gestures to the sky. It's a bit pink from the sunset. "It's AMAZING."

"It is, bud," Mark agrees. "Bet it will look even better on the drive. Everything looks better when in the car."

Tyler looks back at Mark, his smile crooked. "It really does." Mark leads Tyler to the car, but when Mark gets in, Tyler doesn't move to open the door. His smile is gone.

_We can't! We don't have the time!_

_When we get back to our place, okay Tyler?_

_-I can't let her out. Ever._

"Tyler."

_Is it bad I don't regret it?_

"Snap out of it man!"

_I need Kat._

_You can't hide the evidence forever._

The woman's holding onto his shoulders, pining him against something. "LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" he screams, thrashing against his hands. He tries to kick out, but he loses his balance. He would fall if not for her holding him up, her fingers digging into his throat and her knife pressing into his throat. "LET GO OF ME YOU FUCKING CUNT!"

The hands pull back. He falls down, pressing his hands into his eyes, shuddering as he tries to catch his breath. He flinches when a hand touches his shoulder again. Because it's Ethan, and he's going to hurt him next. He'll fuck up and Ethan will crush him like it's nothing, send him to a void to disappear.

"Tyler, it's me. It's Mark. You're safe. I'm right here."

"M-Mark?" Tyler hiccoughs. He takes his hands away from his eyes, and _thank god_. Mark's kneeling in front of him. Tyler collapses forward, wrapping his arms around Mark as he sobs.

"I got you buddy. I got you. You're safe here."

"Don't let me disappear," Tyler whispers. He grips Mark tighter. "Don't let anyone else disappear."

"I-I won't. You're right here with-"

Tyler pulls back, staring at Mark's blurry face. Cause Mark doesn't understand. "You can't let him make anyone else disappear."

Marks nods. "Of course, I won't. I understand." He understands. Tyler nods, his head bobbing. "Come on buddy." Mark pulls Tyler up. His head feels weird... things feel kinda weird... like if he takes a step he'll just fall out of this world. Or like his head isn't moving at the same speed as the rest of him. He sways as Mark helps him up and into the car. "Let's get you home bud."

Mark grips the wheel a bit too tight. Tyler's awake next to him, but his eyes are still really fucking glazed over. He drank way too much, way too fast. He's looking a little pale, and Mark should _probably_ slow down to stop Tyler from getting sick, but they also need to get back to Mark's house. Fast.

Amy's already waiting on the lawn, gripping her sweatshirt around her as he pulls the car in the driveway. Tyler opens the door, practically falling out of the car as Mark slams on the break. "Tyler!"

"'s fine! 'm fine!" He flails his arms, the seatbelt the only thing holding him back from hitting the ground. Amy rushes over as Mark puts the car in park and turns it over. "Fuck... gonna... gonna puke."

Mark grabs Tyler's shoulder and unbuckles Tyler's seatbelt. Amy helps him to the ground safely and pats his back as he heaves. "You're okay Tyler," she says softly. "We're right here. You're okay."

Tyler's crying again, his body shaking as he gags again. "He's gonna disappear," he cries out. "I know..." Mark crouches on the other side of Tyler, propping him up as he throws up again.

"We won't let him disappear," Mark promises gently. Amy furrows her brows and he shakes his head slightly. Cause he really has no fucking clue what Tyler's talking about. "Promise bud."

"I-I shouldn't-" Tyler gags again, and Mark steadies him as his body shudders. "I didn't... he just was so scary... ya know?"

"I know buddy. It's okay." Mark shushes him, rubbing his back. Amy meets his eyes again. She looks as freaked out as he feels.

"I don't... don't know why... shouldn't be scared of blueberry..." Scared of blueberry? That's what he said, right? Amy shrugs at him. Doesn't make sense to her either apparently. Which is validating but also concerning. At least Tyler's clearing out his system. They'll get him to drink some more water, maybe eat something else to soak up the alcohol, and get him to sleep it off. They just... have to get him inside. "He's scary Mark." Tyler's still shaking as he sits up, his body tilting to the side.

"You okay to stand? We'll help you inside, but you'll be comfier inside. We can set you up in the guest room with some water." And a trash can.

"Yea... yea." Tyler stands up before Mark has a chance to help him, and he stumbles a bit. Amy steadies him before Mark has a chance. They stand on either side of him, supporting him as they lead him inside. Getting him upstairs is probably gonna be impossible. Couch will be much easier. Amy must be thinking the same cause they're able to lead Tyler to the living room without trouble. Amy sits down, practically pulling Tyler onto the couch on top of her, and Mark helps guide him onto his side. "'s so calm in the dark... should be scary... but 's not... nice and quiet... nice and calm..."

"Yea, it is bud," Mark agrees. "I'm gonna get you some water, and I'll be right back."

"Mmkay..." Tyler's eyes close as Amy pets his head. Her hands are shaking and she's biting her lip. Mark grabs a glass and fills it with water, grabbing a trashcan from the bathroom on his way back. He sets the trashcan by Tyler's head and the water by the table. He'll make him drink some in a bit after his stomach settles. Maybe he should get ginger ale or alkaline seltzer. Does he have either? "Mark..."

"Yea bud?"

"Do you think the dark is scary?"

Mark raises his eyebrows. "I mean, I don't love it?"

Tyler giggles. "'s scary until you're in it. Then 's not so scary. Scary to watch. Shadows are scary."

Must be something to do with his mugging. Something he saw when it happened. He was having a flashback earlier. They have to keep him calm, keep him present. It won't be good to trigger another flashback. Problem is he has no idea what triggered the first one. Maybe a car was involved somehow.

"Hey Tyler, how was the food? Did you save me any?" Amy teases. Her voice wavers slightly, but Tyler doesn't notice.

" _Amazing._ " Tyler smiles again, but his face is too blank. Too empty. "Good food. Great nachos. Love nachos."

"Me too!" Amy agrees. "With lots of cheese."

"So much cheese. Cheesy nachos."

Amy seems to have things under control for the moment. And it'd probably be good to check in on Ethan anyway, make sure he's doing okay and also figure out what exactly happened so they can avoid triggers. Mark heads into the bathroom, closing the door behind him to make sure Tyler won't hear his conversation. Cause that would probably be a trigger. He pulls out his phone and dials Ethan, waiting as it rings.

"Hey Mark, what's up?"


	16. Chapter 16

It startles Ethan when his phone starts buzzing. After their nugget break, him and Kat had been working for another two hours or so with no luck. It's a bit of a surprise that Mark is calling, but it's probably just something about editing.

Kat gestures at his phone, not taking her eyes off her laptop as she asks, "Aren't you going to answer?"

Ethan sighs and picks up his phone. "Hey Mark, what's up?"

"Hey, just wanted to check in on you. Tyler mentioned that you guys got mugged last night."

"Oh." Kat's eyes finally move off the screen as she stares at Ethan. He turns up the volume so she can hear to call as well. "I-I didn't realize you guys talked."

"Yea, I, uh, I asked him if he wanted to meet up for some half priced apps," Mark says. He clears his throats. "He's... not doing too well."

Ethan stands up and starts walking. Then stops because he doesn't know where he's going. "Is he- what do you mean?"

"I guess... he just started drinking a bunch. He called me and let me know he wanted to meet up for apps after all. Cause initially he said he wasn't really up for it and that's when I heard about the mugging. But then he sounded like he needed to get out and do something, but he got there before me and I guess ended up drinking to feel better or something? But then he had a flashback, and I really don't mean to bother you, but I just first wanted to make sure you're doing okay and also figure out what happened so we can avoid any triggers? I know there was a knife, but was there anything else? He keeps talking about the dark and shit. Like should I keep a light on or something?"

 _Shit._ Ethan ignores Kat as she gestures wildly next to him, trying to convey some message that Ethan can't figure out. "Oh man... I mean, it was just one person... They had a knife and snuck up on Tyler and grabbed him."

"Okay, was it dark? Were there any signs or anything? Maybe something about berries?"

"Berries?" Kat mouths it back at him and he turns away. He needs to focus on this phone call. "Honestly man, I don't remember. I was kinda more focused on making sure Tyler was okay."

"What ended up happening?"

They didn't sort out a cover story. Not a full one. What if his lie doesn't match Tyler's? "Gave them my money and Tyler did the same and they left us alone after that." God, let his lie be the same.

"Should I avoid talking about money?"

Ethan resists the urge to laugh because it is a valid question about a trigger for someone who's been mugged. Except Tyler wasn't mugged. "I honestly dunno."

"But are you okay? Kat's with you?"

"Yea, we're just hanging out, working on a project together."

"Oh, cool, fun. A game? Cooking?"

"Uh, yea, a game. Multiplayer." Kat slaps Ethan's shoulder. He mouths at her, "Ow!"

"Nice. Um, well, I should make sure Amy's doing okay taking care of him."

"Keep us posted, okay Mark?"

"Yea, definitely. You can... um, if you think it would help, would you be willing to come over?"

Ethan looks back at the table where his shadow is swirling restlessly. "Honestly man, I'm not sure if I'm up to it. But if he says he needs me or Kat, let me know. Like I'll drive over there if he asks for me."

"You mean you'll make me drive you," Kat says. Oh right. Cause his car is at Tyler's. "Which I'm fine with." Good. Although he can't really use his shadow to help Tyler with Mark and Amy there. They really can't know about it now. Not when it could put them in danger. Not when... not when he'd have to tell them the full story.

"Let him know we're here if he needs us," Ethan says. "Or just, when he's sober, let us know or have him call one of us?"

"Yea, of course man! I'll keep you posted too if you want."

Ethan nods and runs his hand through his hair. "Yea, yea, that'd be great. Really appreciate it Mark."

"It's no problem. I'm just... I've never seen him like this. I'm just worried about him." Mark sighs.

"Yea... can't blame you."

"I should go. I've left Amy alone with him for a while, and I should make sure that she doesn't need help. Talk to you later." Mark hands up without waiting for a response.

Ethan flops onto the couch, which he apparently had paced towards at some point. "Well, I've broken Tyler!" he announces throwing his hands up. "He's officially scared of me!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kat shoves his feet to the side and sits at the end of the couch.

"Him talking about the dark! It's cause of _me_ _!_ Cause he's _afraid of me_ _!_ That's why he didn't answer my call!"

Kat sighs and rubs at her forehead. "You're jumping to conclusions. Wait until we actually get to talk to him and he isn't drunk out of his mind. Then you're allowed to make conclusions."

"Fine," he grumbles. He presses his hands into his eyes. His hand twitches, his shadow appearing near him. His breath stops and he sends it away before it has a chance to settle. Kat raises her eyebrows, but she must decide it's not worth asking about now.

One crisis at a time is enough. Except right now, it's like they're having crisis on top of crisis. All because of him and his stupid shadow.

Maybe it'd be better if he disappeared.


	17. Chapter 17

Any attempt at hacking has been abandoned for a while as Ethan lays on the couch, Kat sitting in the chair watching him. He's crying a bit, not sobbing, just tears. His shadow's still under the kitchen table, and every so often, it comes a bit closer only for him to shove it away again. Which Kat has never fucking seen him do. He usually just hides it if he doesn't want it out, but it's almost like he doesn't want it near him.

Both their phones buzz. Ethan doesn't react, staring blankly at the ceiling. Kat pulls hers out. "It's Mark," she tells him. He blinks but doesn't turn to her. "He says that Tyler's still pretty drunk but he's not throwing up and they're just talking about food. So he's okay. Do you wanna go check on him?"

Ethan snorts. "Don't think he wants to see me."

Kat rolls her eyes up and sighs. "You don't know that. But if it makes you feel better, we'll wait till he sobers up a bit and then I'll give him a call." Ethan rolls over, turning his back to her and burying his face in the cushions. "Ethan, I get that you need to feel and be sad, but you're also pulling away and that's not okay."

"Oh, it's not okay?" Ethan sits up, his shadow appearing and disappearing behind him. "Not okay for me to want some FUCKING TIME ALONE? JESUS CHRIST KAT! Leave me the fuck alone!"

Kat stares at him, her mouth open. His shadow is still rushing around the room, but every time it gets close to him, it gets shoved back. "Ethan, what are you doing?" she asks. Her voice sounds shakier than she wants it to.

"What, are you scared of me too? Cause you should be! I've killed someone! And I'm killing someone else! Every second we sit here is ANOTHER SECOND I CAN'T TAKE BACK BEFORE THEY DIE AND I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG THEY HAVE!" Ethan pushes himself off the couch and starts pacing. His shadow tries to dance around him, but he keeps shoving it away. "Do you know what it's like Kat? To know that you're killing someone, but you _don't have a fucking_ CHOICE? Because you _can't_ save them! You know _how_ to save them! You know it's not too late, and every second is a second where you can change that decision, but you know what, I don't want to! I don't want to save her! Or _anyone_ like her! But that makes me a killer, right? A fucking _murderer_ _!"_

"Ethan, please." Kat stands up, but her legs are shaking. She moves closer to Ethan. He doesn't notice, both him and his shadow in a frenzy, moving erratically. "What you did was in defense. It's no different than if-"

" _You_ didn't _kill_ ANYONE!" Ethan shouts. He stops, glaring at her. "You don't know what it _feels_ like! It feels like I can't _breathe_ Kat. I can't... I can't fucking..." He leans forward as his knees buckle. Kat rushes forward, catching him and lowering him down as she hugs him close. "Can't breathe," he rasps out. His body shakes and shudders as he sobs.

Kat rubs his back as tears start to fall from her own eyes. He's hyperventilating. "Ethan, take deep breaths, okay? Breathe with me?" She starts taking deep breaths, waiting for Ethan to copy her. But his breaths are shaky and too loud and fast. "Ethan, please. Breathe."

"I-I CAN'T!" Ethan screams. Fuck. This is not good. He needs to calm down.

"Your shadow-"

" _FUCK_ my shadow! It's c-corrupting me!" Ethan gasps out. His hands grip onto Kat tighter. He's practically in her lap, but somehow she pulls him closer, trying to be for him what his shadow is-- what it used to be. "Because of-because of it, I've killed _two_ people!"

Kat bites her tongue. She cannot be impatient with him right now. " _You_ killed two people who were threatening your friends. That man was going to-" Images pop into her head, images that have come from the nightmares that still come. Images of what could have happened. She trembles and takes a deep breath. "You had to protect me. You did what you had to to a man who was a fucking bastard because otherwise, he would have taken both of us."

Ethan's breath catches in his throat. "You think if I didn't... he would have taken me?"

"Yea," Kat whispers. "I really do." And it's the truth. He basically had Kat... if Ethan hadn't acted... no one else was going to come. That man was prepared. He didn't show any weapons, but he must've had something. No one tries to... kidnap without weapons. "And that woman? She _had a knife to Tyler's throat_. You don't think she would have killed him?"

"She _was_ going to kill him! That's why I had to do something!" He's breathing evenly now. Oh thank god. "I couldn't let her kill Tyler!"

Kat pulls back from Ethan and pats him on the head. "There you go. And why did you use your shadow?"

"Well, what else was I supposed to fucking do?" Ethan snorts and rolls his eyes.

"And what do you usually do with it?" Kat tries to hide her smirk, but based on Ethan's huff, she did not succeed. Too bad.

Ethan pushes away from Kay and leans against the couch. His eyes are still red, but he's not crying anymore and that is a huge fucking success. "Alright, alright, I get your point."

Kat smiles for real now. "Good. Now will you stop restraining your shadow? It is putting you so on edge."

He gets a bit paler. Probably still nervous that his shadow is corrupting him or whatever, which is pretty ridiculous but also not that crazy considering all the other weird shit going on? But as someone who has been around his shadow a lot and been in it more times that she can count, Kat knows it's not a bad thing. It's not dangerous.

Slowly, his shadow snakes to him, less frantic than before. It settles behind him and disappears. Which isn't what he usually does, but it's progress.

"Alright." Ethan wipes his eyes and nods. "Alright. Let's get back to hacking."

Kat pushes herself up and stretches. "When did we ever start?"

"Asshole," Ethan teases nudging her. "Better get started then."

Everything is... really fuzzy? Tyler blinks a few times, but it's still fuzzy. Maybe he needs glasses. Does he usually wear glasses? "Mark, do I have glasses?" he asks. He rubs at his eyes and blinks again. Still fuzzy.

"Nah, buddy."

"'Kay." Tyler closes his eyes again. Dark and cozy. "It's so safe in the dark. You should try it sometime."

"I definitely will bud. Wanna try drinking some water?"

Water... his mouth is dry. Tastes bad too. "Yea," he agrees. He opens his eyes and starts to sit up. The room tilts a little bit. Mark must notice the room move too cause he grabs Tyler's arm and steadies him. "Whoa." His stomach lurches. There's a trash can in front of him, so he leans down as he gags. It tastes so bad and it burns. Why does it burn?

"Alright, I gotchu bud." Mark rubs at his back and passes him a cup of water. He spits a bit, trying to get the bad taste out but it doesn't go away. Water should help... yea. He takes the cup and takes it sip. It's nice and cold... really good... "Just small sips, okay buddy?"

"Mmhmm," Tyler agrees. He closes his eyes, smiling as he takes another sip. So cold. Tastes good. "Hey Mark?"

"Yea bud?"

"Where'd Amy go?" The cup is nice and cold in his hand.

"Oh, she had some work to do," Mark says, "but we're gonna hang out together!"

Tyler giggles. "Yea!" Hanging with Mark is always fun. "You're good friend."

"You are too." Tyler takes another small sip. "Do you wanna have some pretzels?"

He scrunches up his face. "No. No food. Please no." If he eats, he'll fucking puke again. Puke tastes bad. Feels bad too.

"Okay." Tyler presses his face into the couch. "Here, I'll hold onto the water if you wanna take a nap."

"Mmhm," Tyler agrees. Mark takes the nice cold cup away. It's cozy on the couch, but not as cozy as Ethan's shadow. Was so cozy there. "Shoulda been scary. Thought it was scary."

"What was scary?" Mark's hand touches Tyler's shoulder. It's warm. "Do you... wanna talk about it?"

"Not allowed," Tyler says. He opens his eyes and turns to Mark. "Shhh."

"Why aren't you allowed to talk about it?" Mark asks.

Ethan's shadow is secret. Mark doesn't know. Can't let Mark know. "Police business. Confidential. No talking." Good. That's good.

"I won't tell," Mark says winking.

Oh, not good. "Shhh," Tyler repeats.

Mark laughs this time. But nothing's really funny? Maybe he missed a joke. "Alright, I won't ask then," Mark agrees. "I can call Ethan and ask him to come-"

"Yes!" Tyler claps his hands together. If Ethan comes over, he can sleep in the shadow! Sleeping there is so cozy. Safe in- _I know I killed_. "IT'S SAFE!" Tyler yells out. He grabs the couch. It's soft here. Bright. No bodies. No crushed vans.

Mark's eyebrows are raised. "Yea, you're safe. It's just me. It's just Mark."

Tyler's shaking a bit. He rubs at his eyes cause everything's fuzzy again. And oh, it's cause his eyes are wet. Tears? He's crying? Marks rubs his shoulder. It's safe. No woman. No knife. No van... No... no Ethan.

Mark stares at Tyler, trying to calm him. What the fuck made him scream? Was he having another flashback? He's still drunk out of his fucking mind and getting him to stay upright is hard enough. Getting him to talk and make sense is even harder. Is it cause he brought up Ethan? Tyler did get really excited at the idea of Ethan coming over... but then he got scared again.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom. Can you stay sitting up for me?" Mark asks softly. Tyler nods, still wiping the tears from his eyes and looking at his wet hands like he's confused. Maybe not a great time to leave him alone. But he needs to ask someone else for help.

He gently pushes Tyler against the pillow on the arm of the couch, making sure he's propped up on his side before getting up and going to the bathroom. He actually kinda has to pee, so he does that before washing his hands and calling Kat. Someone who hopefully can be impartial.

"Hey Mark, how's he doing?" she asks. She sounds fucking tired. Like more than usual. Must have been a long day.

"Eh, good and bad moments. He threw up again, but drank some water. I'm just... worried about him."

Ethan says something in the background that Mark can't hear. "What happened?"

"I think he had another flashback? I'm not sure. He keeps talking about the dark and how it's safe. But then he'll say it was scary." Mark readjusts his phone and rubs at his head. "I asked him if he wanted to talk, but he said it's a secret? And I don't know if that's cause it's police business and he's confused and drunk and doesn't want to say anything he's not supposed to or what but-"

Kat has the best poker face Ethan's ever seen. Because when he hears Mark talking about Tyler keeping _his secret_ , he covers his mouth and has to bite his tongue from speaking aloud. But Kat's face doesn't change as she listens to Mark explain what's going on, about how Tyler wants to see Ethan but also seemed to have a flashback when Ethan was mentioned.

Which is fine. Really. Doesn't mean anything about Ethan. They were just there together.

But Kat deals with the phone call and somehow comes to the conclusion that it'll be best if they go over to Mark's and help take care of Tyler. And Mark is so thankful because "I just... don't know what to do and he's having a really rough time. And having you both here will help him so much, and then when he's sober, we can talk about the next steps to take and healthy ways to cope and-"

His shadow is still behind him, hidden as it usually is. And it's gonna _fucking stay hidden_ this time.


	18. Chapter 18

Tyler fell asleep a bit after his last panic attack, but Mark stays on the floor next to him, ready with the trash can in case he needs to throw up. Ethan and Kat should be here in an hour, maybe more if there's a lot of traffic. Which there always is. Especially on a Saturday near dinner time. But maybe it won't be as bad as it is during rush hour.

Amy's given the two of them some privacy, working on her pottery with the promise that she'll come help if Mark needs it or Tyler asks for her. But for now, Tyler's snoring loudly and Mark sits at his side.

He's never seen Tyler like this. Well, he's seen him drunk and hungover and had to take care of him, but he was always happy. Maybe a bit tired or sick, but never... like this. Never so... on edge.

And of course he's on edge. He got fucking mugged. The bandage on his throat is still holding tight, despite all the moving and fidgeting. What would it like like without the bandage covering it? How much worse would Tyler look?

He shifts in his sleep again, mumbling to himself as his breathing speeds up and he curls into himself more. Mark shifts so his side is against the couch and he can rub Tyler's shoulder. "You're okay bud," he says. But maybe Tyler can't even hear him. It doesn't seem to help too much, but after a bit, his breathing calms down and his body relaxes.

Mark rubs at his own head, pushing his hair back as he takes a deep breath. Kat and Ethan will be here soon. They'll be able to help, and maybe he can talk to Ethan and find out more about what happened and what triggers to avoid. Although based on their phone call, Ethan didn't really want to talk about it. Which he can't blame him for. Hopefully he's dealing with what happened alright. It was probably scary for him to see Tyler being attacked.

It takes longer to get to Mark's house than either of them would like, but of course there's traffic. There's always traffic. Kat's watching him out of the corner of her eye, and he's not an idiot. He knows she's making sure he's okay. Probably seeing if he'll use his shadow to calm down, but he doesn't need it. He's fine on his own. Better without it.

Kat's let him sit quietly for most of the ride, but as they get closer to Mark's, she must decide they need to talk for whatever fucking reason. "Do you want me to see Tyler first?"

"Why? It doesn't matter," Ethan says crossing his arms. He should've brought some kind of fidget. He hasn't really used one besides his shadow though. Maybe he'll find one of his fidget spinners later. Once they get home. He should probably get his car from Tyler's at some point too.

But he doesn't have to go back there yet.

"Just... in case he's in a bad spot," Kat says. "You might be a trigger for him."

"Wow, way to beat around the bush," Ethan snaps.

"Hey, you're the one who said he was scared of you," Kat says. She glares at him then turns back to the road. "I'm just saying based on what Mark said, for whatever reason, you could be a trigger. Remember you were there when it happened. Doesn't have to do with anything he thinks about you. Just like how the van triggering both _everything_ to do with the fact that it was part of that night. And it's just an object. Didn't even do anything."

Ethan grumbles to himself. She's right of course. She's been doing a lot of online therapy and research about "positive coping techniques". It's helping her a lot, and she uses what she's learned to help him. He shouldn't be mad at her. Shouldn't be taking out his mood on her. He takes a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry for being impatient with you," he says. "I'm worried about Tyler... and... everything else. It's just... a lot right now."

"It really is," Kat agrees. "And thanks. For the apology. And calming yourself down. We'll go in together. Right?"

"Yea," Ethan agrees forcing a smile. Kat always reminds him making yourself smile can trick your brain into thinking you're actually happy. "Together."

_"Stop! Stop with the tricks!"_

_"You said you wanted to know what happened to him. I'm just giving you an answer."_

Tyler's eyes snap open. It's too hot. He wipes some of the sweat from his head and reaches over to find water. "Water," he mumbles.

"Here, here you go. Sit up for me?"

He grunts as Mark pushes him up and then hands him the water. It's nice and cold. Feels good against his throat. "M' throat hurts," he says rubbing at his throat. There's... something lumpy on it. A cloth? His fingers close around it.

"Tyler, no, don't-"

He pulls off the cloth and stares at it. There's a bit of dried blood inside it. "Oh," he whispers.

_"Tell me what you did to my friend, and I'll let him live." The woman's voice is also way too fucking steady. She lets go of his chin, grabbing his arm and twisting it. He cries out as she pushes him to his knees and holds something cold against his throat._

"No, stop!" He kicks out, flailing his arms to push her away. "Let go! Don't-don't kill me!" Everything gets blobby and hard to see, but he puts his hand against his throat, feeling the cut she left behind. She's still there. Gonna hurt him again... hurt him or Ethan. But Ethan can protect himself. Ethan protected them both. Ethan... protected him. There's no knife. Tyler wipes at his eyes, letting go of his throat and staring at the bit of blood on his hand. He's not there. Ethan got him out of there. He's not there.

"Tyler, oh, bud." Mark puts his hand on Tyler's shoulder, and he falls into Mark's arms as he starts crying. Because Ethan got him out. Made sure he was okay and stayed alive. He's _alive_. "I'm here, I got you."

" _Ethan_ had me," Tyler cries out, pulling Mark closer. Mark lets out a soft "off" as Tyler tightens his grip. " _Ethan saved me._ "

Mark pulls back a little bit. "What do you mean bud?"

 _Mark can't know. Can't tell him_. "Throat hurts," Tyler says instead. He holds up his hand to his neck and rubs again.

"Hey!" Mark grabs Tyler's hand. "Bud, you're gonna make it worse. I'm gonna go get some gauze and tape, okay? I'll be right. Back."

Right back. "Okay," Tyler says nodding. Mark stands up and leaves him. Tyler tries to wipe the blood off on his pants, but it must be dry cause it's not coming off. It's boring without Mark. Lonely.

Quiet. But different than Ethan's shadow. Ethan should be here. It'd be more fun with Ethan. He pulls out his phone. He squints at it as he tries to find Ethan's contact.

There's a soft knocking. Tyler drops his phone and watches as it falls to the ground. "Mark?"

"It's unlocked!"

Tyler stares at his phone. Should pick it up. Good thing it didn't fall into the trash. Be super gross... super bad. Not good.

"Hey, Tyler." It's a soft voice. Nice and soft and safe. Tyler looks up and smiles at Ethan. "How you doing?"

"Ethan!" He jumps off the couch and stumbles forward towards Ethan. "I was-gonna call! Just gonna-call!" Ethan catches Tyler as he falls forward. "Ethan's here!" Ethan puts his hand on Tyler's shoulder and they walk back to the couch and sit together. He puts his arm around Ethan and lays his face against it's hair. It's tickly. Itches his neck. Is he bleeding?

Kat walks in too, handing Tyler a tissue. "Wipe off your neck. You have a bit of blood." Tyler stares at her. Blood? He was bleeding? Why was he bleeding again? She sighs. "Alright, I'll do it then." She reaches forward and taps the tissue against his throat. It feels weird. Hurts a bit. But it's Kat and she's careful and throws the tissue out when she's done. "I'll be right back down. Okay?"

"Okay!" Tyler claps his hands and smiles. They'll have fun when Kat comes down. Maybe they can get Mark to leave. Hide in the shadow. Hide and seek in the shadow! He giggles.

Ethan nudges Tyler's side. "You're a bit heavy to be putting all your weight on me," he teases.

"You're a bit... bit heavy," Tyler says knocking his arm against Ethan. He looks around the room, making sure Mark isn't hiding somewhere. He lowers his voice and whispers, "I wanna hide in your shadow. Can we hide later?"

"Sure... we can hide later," Ethan agrees. "Not right now though. Can't let Mark know, right? It's a secret." Tyler giggles and shushes Ethan. "And remember. We were mugged, you were threatened, we gave the mugger our wallets, and they left, right?"

"Right!" Tyler agrees. Talking about that isn't fun. They should talk about something more fun. "Hey Ethan... you should drink. 's more fun."

"I think it's fun to drink water," Ethan says. "Wanna drink water together?"

It does feel nice to drink water... "Yea!" Tyler agrees. He picks up the cup and sips at it. Mark and Kat walks back into the living room together. "Mark! Kat!" He puts his cup down and claps his hands again. "We gotta party! We're all- all together!"

"This is a party bud!" Mark says. He dances as he walks and Tyler throws his head back as he's laughing. Stings a bit for some reason. "Gotta just dress you up a bit first!"

"Yes!" Tyler agrees. Mark kneels in front of Tyler, but instead of a bow tie or something, he's holding medical stuff. "Thought we were gonna dress up?"

"This is dressing up!" Ethan agrees gesturing to the stuff Mark's holding up.

"Yea!" Mark says. He holds up a little tissue. "This part might sting a bit, okay big guy?"

" _You're_ the big guy!" Tyler says. Mark puts the tissue up to his throat and wipes at it. It doesn't _sting._ It _burns._ Tyler whimpers.

Ethan grips his shoulder tightly. "Almost done," Mark says softly. "And... done." But it still _burns_. Mark puts something itchy against his throat and tapes it down. "All better! Right Tyler?"

"No!" he yells out. He pulls his legs to his chest and buries his face in them. "Why did you do that?"

"You were... you were bleeding Tyler," Mark says.

"NO!" Tyler repeats. He picks his head up and stares at Mark. "That was _mean_. That _hurt!_ "

Mark's shoulders droop. "I didn't mean to hurt you-"

"I wanna be alone! Wanna be with Ethan!" Tyler shouts. If Mark goes away, they can go in Ethan's shadow. "Go away!"

Ethan rubs at his shoulder. "Tyler, that's not nice to Mark. How about we ask him if we can take you upstairs? Get you comfy in a bed?"

Tyler nods. Ethan's much nicer than Mark is being. Mark is supposed to be his best friend. Why would he hurt him?

"I'll help you clean up Mark," Kat says. Cause Kat is nice too. Both her and Ethan are so nice.

"Let's go big guy," Ethan says. Tyler nods. Ethan is _so nice_ and helps him stand up and go upstairs. Stairs are hard. But Ethan helps and then helps him onto a cozy bed. "I'm gonna go get your water. I'll be right back, okay?" He raises an eyebrow.

Tyler giggles. "Okay," he agrees. The bed is nice and cool. So comfy and soft. It'll be so much cozier when they can hide in the shadow together. Now that _Mark's_ gone.

Ethan comes back in and closes the door behind him, smiling as he places the water on the table and a trash can on the floor. But his stomach is okay now. He won't throw up again.

"Can we hide?" he whispers to Ethan.

"Huh?" Ethan sits on the floor, placing his hands under him. Ethan always sits funny. "Why are we hiding?"

"Shhh," Tyler says. "Your shadow." He points on the floor next to Ethan. "It's cozy there. Soft and safe."

Ethan looks a bit pale. Maybe he needs water too. "O-okay. Just for a bit. Don't want Mark to know, right?"

"Right," Tyler agrees. Ethan moves a bit closer, his shadow appearing on the floor and spreading around them, surrounding them. "So cozy... so quiet." Tyler smiles and closes his eyes. "Thank you Ethan. Thank you shadow."


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kat explains how to deal with trauma to Mark.

Mark stares up the stairs as Ethan practically drags Tyler up. Tyler's never yelled at him before... not like that. He stares at the trashcan, at the tissue and alcohol wipe with blood. He had to keep Tyler's cut clean. Especially with his shit immune system. Tyler would know that. At least normally. But clearly he's not thinking straight.

"You know he didn't mean any of that, right?"

"Huh?" Mark looks up. Kat raises her eyebrows at him. "Oh... yea. I know."

Kat gathers the gauze and tape back into the box. "It was scary for both of them. Stuff like that fucks you up for a bit." Her eyes break contact for a second, examining the rest of the stuff they need to clean up. Like the trash can filled with puke.

Mark rubs at his head as he flops onto the couch. "I just... feel like he doesn't trust me. You know? He didn't even _call_ me. I wouldn't have even known this happened if I hadn't reached out to him!"

Kat looks up at the stairs, and Mark follows her gaze. Ethan's trotting downstairs. "Figured I should get his water and the trash can," he says.

"Here, I'll change the bag for you," Kat offers. She grabs the trash can and ties the bag in it closed before taking it with her to throw out.

Mark looks at Ethan. He's a bit paler than usual, but unlike Tyler, he doesn't have any physical marks from the mugging. He's a bit more fidgety than usual. "How are you holding up?" Mark asks.

Ethan smiles, but it doesn't light up his face like it usually does. He looks so... tired. "As well as I can be I guess," Ethan says shrugging. "I mean, it was scary, but I didn't get hurt or anything like Tyler..." His voice trails off and he stares at the ground for a second. Then he looks up and smiles again. "I'll be fine."

 _I'll be fine._ Another friend not trusting him. Not wanting to talk to him. It feels like he's no longer on the same page as the rest of them. Hell, he's not even in the same fucking _book_. Kat pops back in with a clean trash bag that she puts into the trash can. "Here you go," she says handing it to Ethan.

"Thanks." He grabs the can and the water from the table. "I'm gonna stay up there with him for a bit, see if he needs to talk it out or just sleep it off."

"Hey, let us know if you need anything, okay?" Mark says. Ethan nods and disappears back upstairs. He sighs, running his fingers through his hair.

Kat sits on the couch next to him. "You're still Tyler's best friend, you know that right?" she asks.

Mark shrugs. "Yea, I know, I'm just confused I guess," he admits. He sits back up and turns to Kat. "It's like there's so much going on that I can't figure out."

Kat bites at her lip. It's a nervous habit of hers. He hasn't seen her do it for a while. Then again, he hasn't really been seeing her that much. Or had a chance to talk to her since her and Ethan started working from home more. "Well, a lot happened last night and this morning," Kat explains. "They went through a trauma together, and they're figuring out how to deal with it. It's not unusual for a trauma victim to feel that only those present can understand what they're feeling or dealing with."

Mark chuckles and asks, "When did you start knowing so much about trauma?"

Her smile's a bit forced again, her eyes not quite meeting his. "Figured _someone_ has to make sure they cope with this in a healthy way," Kat jokes. "Did some research while Tyler was seeing the doctor, so that I could help Ethan think through it and process it."

"Can you... tell me a bit more?" Mark asks. It doesn't seem likely she could've picked up that much in a day of research... she is a fast learner, but maybe she's dealt with something herself. Not that it's any of his business.

"Sure," Kat says shrugging. "So, most important part of dealing with trauma is letting yourself process and deal with it right away. That means no pushing away intrusive memories-"

Mark interrupts. "Intrusive memories?"

"Yea, like memories that pop into your head related to the event. Images, voices, just the general idea of it. When they start happening, you have to sit with it. Let yourself experience those thoughts and feelings. But also not dwell on it? So it's a bit of a fine line." Kat snorts to herself.

What she's saying makes some sense... "But how do you differentiate dwelling from... sitting with it?" he asks.

"It's kind of... you have to figure it out for yourself," she explains. The more she talks, the more it seems like first hand knowledge. Something she's not only read about, but used herself. But it's not his business. "Usually though, intrusive memories pop in uninvited, whereas dwelling you'll start thinking about. Going back to things related to the trauma. Doing physical things like going to the place it happened or mental things like thinking about what could have gone wrong." Her voice breaks on that part, but she clears her throat to hide it. Is _everyone_ dealing with some trauma right now? What the fuck actually happened? Was Kat there or some shit? No, this... this is probably something from her past. Something that she's dealt with on her own. Or maybe she's just thinking about what could have happened to Tyler and Ethan... especially Tyler...

She takes a deep breath and pats her hands on her legs, the sound startling Mark. "Anyway, Ethan was there with him. He'll be clinging to Ethan for a bit, whatever his reason. Might not be super healthy, but as long as he doesn't... keep trying to push us away-" How kind of her to pretend Tyler is pushing her away. "-then it's okay."

Mark nods and rubs his chin. "I... I have something to ask. Maybe a bit selfish to even ask..." He takes a deep breath, leaning forward onto his knees as he turns to her. "Why didn't they call me? Why you?"

Kat stares at him. Her face is blank, like she's frozen. "I... don't know," she finally says. "It was Ethan who called me the next morning." She speaks slowly, like she has to think through what she's saying. It's... weird. Why is it so hard for her to talk through this? Is she just trying to make sure he doesn't get upset? "I think he called me because he knew I was around, and because he needed me to take care of Spencer. But I don't know why Tyler didn't reach out. Probably because he wasn't ready to talk about it?"

"Has he talked about it- with you or Ethan?" Mark asks.

She pauses again, furrowing her eyebrows as she thinks. "Not really. Ethan was the one who told me what happened and who called me. I think Tyler was more shaken up than him... but they both looked pretty fucked when I saw them."

"Yea, Ethan seems... off." Mark stares back at the stairs. It's been quiet since Ethan went back up. Hopefully that means Tyler is sleeping. He'll check on him later. Tyler... probably needs space right now. He takes a deep breath. "Just feels so _fucked_ right now. Seeing Tyler like that..." Kat nods, but she doesn't answer. She's got some faint bags forming under her eyes, and she looks drained as fuck. But it's probably been a long day for all of them. And tomorrow will probably be another long day. Once Tyler sobers up... they're going to have to talk.


	20. Chapter 20

Tyler looks... so peaceful. He passed out _really_ fucking quickly after Ethan hid them in his shadow. They're not too deep in it. He can still see the room faintly. At first, he was going to take his shadow away once Tyler fell asleep... but... now he remembers how safe he feels with it. How quiet it is inside the shadow. For the first time all day, his brain is quiet.

It's not... a bad thing. His shadow. It's really not. Why was he trying to keep it away? Because he thought it was corrupting him? Ethan swirls his finger through his shadow, tracing a design of spirals into it.

Is it this peaceful in the void where he sends things? Will... will she go quietly at least? Ethan sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. Tyler shifts but doesn't wake. He's gonna have a hell of a hangover. Ethan should probably wake him up in a bit and make him drink some water and eat, if he can. Hopefully being in the shadow helps with the worst of it. As long as Mark's not around, they can hang out. But Mark can't find out. Not now that there's so much shit going on.

Ethan glances at Tyler again, at the new gauze on his throat. That woman doesn't deserve a second chance. Not just because of what she did to Tyler, but because of what she was going to do... what she did... to others. But she doesn't deserve to suffer. No one does.

He hasn't really... experiment with the void too much. He's not really sure how it works... but Tyler's sleeping soundly. He'll be alright on his own for a bit...

Sitting around stuck in Mark's house when there's so much other shit going on sucks. Like, he's doing his best to make sure she's okay and everything before he goes off to do figure out dinner or whatever. But _she needs to keep working_. There could be more people after Ethan, and he doesn't exactly have a _low profile_. And neither does Mark. And Mark _cannot_ get sucked up into this shit. It's bad enough Tyler got involved. But no more. Her and Ethan will take care of this. It's their shit to deal with.

Kat shuts her phone off and rubs at her head. Fuck, she'd kill for a coffee. Mark probably would make her a cup if she asked.

Something cold touches her arm, and Kat screams, punching her hand forward.

"Jeez Kat!" Ethan shouts ducking.

"What happened!" Mark runs in, water dripping from the frying pan he's holding. He stares at Ethan and Kat, tilting his head slightly. "Kat... why did you scream?"

"Ethan scared the shit out of me!" Kat says dropping her hand and glaring at him. Ethan definitely didn't come down the stairs. Not visibly at least. "Snuck up on me and touched me with his cold ass hands."

Ethan stands up with his hands up. "Not my fault you were looking at your phone," he says snorting. He plops onto the couch next to her and she elbows him in the gut.

"Ookay," Mark says slowly. He nods. "I'll just..." Mark holds up the pan, gestures to it, and disappears back into the kitchen.

Kat smacks Ethan's shoulder and turns to glare at him. "Where the hell did you come from?" she whispers.

"One second," Ethan says. Ignoring her _very serious_ _question_. He glances towards the kitchen. "Hey Mark! Tyler should probably eat soon. Is there any food he can have?"

Mark sticks his head through the doorway. "Yea man! I'm just washing some stuff so I can make dumplings for everyone. Figure we should all eat, and uh, it's been a while since I've actually cooked for anyone!"

Kat smiles. Mark's dumplings are actually fucking amazing. "Cool! I'm gonna go back up and watch Tyler. Kat, you wanna hang up there? We're gonna binge watch Mark's old videos."

"NO YOU ARE NOT!" Mark yells. He flips them off and disappears away. "I'll know if you do, and I won't share food!"

Kat laughs. "Yea, yea, let's go," she agrees. Because Ethan, as dumb as he can be, has to have a fucking point with this. But instead of going _up the fucking stairs_ , Ethan decides it's a good fucking idea to his shadow IN MARK'S LIVING ROOM. "What the fuck are you doing?" she hisses as it surrounds them.

"Watch." Ethan takes her hand and guides her off the couch. It's... weird... she's never really _moved_ when hiding. And there's no way Ethan can see shit. But instead of continuing to move _up the stairs_ where Tyler is, he presses his hand forward, parting the shadow.

And they're in the guest room, where Tyler's sleeping on the bed. Kat turns to Ethan, her eyebrows raised as he smiles and shrugs. "What the actual fuck?"

"So... I figured out I can transport myself through the void," Ethan explains. As if it makes perfect sense.

She needs to sit down for this. Tyler's curled up on the bed, but there's enough space to sit on the foot of the bed. "...what the hell is the void?"

"It's where I send things with my shadow. It's, um, all around us I guess, and I can use my shadow to manipulate it. Which is why I can send things there in the first place."

Kat pinches her nose. He's saying this so calmly. Like it makes perfect sense. "And you can also use it to _teleport_ _?_ " Ethan shrugs and nods. Okay, alright. "So how the hell did you figure this out? Like, can you even explain it?"

"Hah, when can I ever explain anything?" Ethan flops onto the floor, crossing his legs and leaning back. He's right. He's shit at explaining things. But at least he's in a better mood. His shadow is settled around his shoulders like a blanket, so at least he's getting over that. "I just... sent myself to the void? I guess. I was curious what it was like."

She can't stop her jaw from dropping. "You sent us to the _void?_ " she hisses. She grabs a pillow from the wall and launches it at him.

"Hey!" He flails when it hits him. "I knew I could get us out! I'm not really sure how it works or how far I can go using it..." Ethan trails off, pouting slightly at her with his stupid puppy dog eyes.

"No." Kat crosses her arms and shakes her head. "You are not experimenting with this _in Mark's house._ When we leave, you can teleport us home in the car or whatever you want, but Tyler is drunk and fucked up and if we keep messing around or if we disappear and can't figure out how to come back..." Her voice trails off.

Ethan sighs as he slouches back. "You're right." He gathers a piece of his shadow in his hand and sends it whizzing around the room. "I just... need to do something."

"Yea... I know." Kat pulls her feet onto the bed and hugs them. "You don't think... they can find us here? If others are looking."

He runs his hand through his hair. "I... I don't know." His shadow slows and settles in Kat's lap. "We're not gonna be able to hack the laptop, are we?"

"We can definitely get the footage from the SD card, but the laptop... we won't see where it was uploaded or who has access," Kat agrees. She rubs at her head.

Ethan stares up at Kat, his eyes so sad and empty that he looks like he did last night... or that night over a month ago. "Do you think... we should... try..." He pauses and glances at Tyler, his shadow surrounding Tyler as he finishes the sentence. "...to talk to her?"


	21. Chapter 21

Ethan is complete dumbass. But she knew this already. "You can't be serious."

He shrugs, playing with some lose thread on the carpet. "What other option do we have? Unless we want to hire someone as a hacker-"

"That's an even dumber idea," Kat says crossing her arms. "How could we be sure they're trustworthy? They could take what they find and sell it to someone."

"Okay, then what other option do we have?" Ethan says. He holds out his hand, and a bit of his shadow breaks off from where Tyler is, landing nearly in his hand. Kat smiles slightly as he starts threading it through his fingers.

They have to figure out if anyone else knows, but it's only been one day of them trying to hack. "We keep trying. Just for a bit," Kat says resting her chin on her knees. "We... can't ask her. She almost killed Tyler."

They both look at where Tyler is, drunk and passed out beneath Ethan's shadow. The whole thing fucked him up so bad. Kat remembers when it happened to her, when that man tried to take her. How scary it was when Ethan appeared and saved her... the nightmares they both had for weeks afterwards, waking up crying...

"I... don't know how long she has," Ethan whispers. He stares at the bit of shadow in his hand and closes his fingers around it. Kat slides off the bed and places a hand on his knee. "Kat... she's going to die there. I just... I can't kill someone else."

Kat opens her mouth, but she can't figure out what to say. She can't just tell Ethan to let the woman die. Does she even want her to die? Or just for her to go away, cease to exist? After that man disappeared, she hoped he was gone. That he couldn't hurt anyone else. But knowing what actually happens... that they starve to death slowly in the void... does anyone deserve that?

"I know," Kat whispers. She squeezes his knee. "I don't know what to do either." It's easy to admit, and nice to say. Cause it's true. They're in way over their heads.

Ethan smiles slightly. "Then let's not think for a bit. Come on." He tugs her closer to the bed, and she climbs back on the bottom, practically sitting on Tyler's feet as Ethan squeezes in between Tyler and the wall, letting the shadow spread over them, keep them safe. Letting the quiet and peace take over.

Mark knocks on the door. "Hey guys! Dinner's almost ready!" Since Kat went up with Ethan, they've been really quiet. There's a good chance Tyler fell asleep. Honestly, it'd be good if he did. He needs the sleep. But he also needs food if he wants to avoid a shitty hangover.

After a minute, none of them have answered. But Ethan did have a shitty night too, and Kat's always tired. Fuck it. He'll just pop in and let them know they need to come downstairs. Not like it's a big deal. He knocks one more time, waits for an answer the doesn't come, and opens the door.

The blinds are drawn and it's dark, but he can see the three of them squished onto the bed. Tyler's hogging most of it, laying on his back with his arms splayed out and his mouth wide open. Kat's at the foot of the bed leaning against the wall, her glasses half off her face. Ethans smushed between Tyler and the wall, curled up on his side looking at his phone. Ethan glances up, smiling at Mark and gesturing at Tyler. "Asshole, am I right?" he jokes.

"Ah, cut him some slack," Mark says laughing. Ethan nudges Kat with his foot, but instead of waking up, she just mumbles and turns away, smushing her face against the wall. Mark can't stop the smile that comes onto his face. It's been so long since he's had a moment like this with his friends. Just such a peaceful, quiet moment. "Dinner's gonna be ready soon by the way. If either of them want to wake up."

Ethan twists his head in a way that _has_ to be uncomfortable and stares at Tyler. "How mean would it be to startle him awake?" he asks with a smirk.

"Very mean," Mark says crossing his arms. "After last night?"

"Oh." Ethan's face falls and he frowns. "Right." He starts petting the comforter, smoothing it down. He looks so... small. So sad.

Mark moves closer, but there's no room left on the bed for him to sit. And with Kat and Tyler hogging the bed, there's no way he can get to Ethan. "Do you... want to talk about it?" he asks.

Ethan shrugs, not looking at Mark. "Not really. Honestly, it feels like it happened weeks ago. It's just... been a long day."

Long day? Because of the hospital? Because of Tyler being drunk? "Has it?" Mark asks.

"Yea... but I'm okay." Ethan looks up and gives the fakest smile Mark's ever seen. "Didn't you say something about dinner?"

The food! "Shit, yea! Let me check on it! Get those two sleepy heads up." Mark hurries out of the room and downstairs into the kitchen, where the dumplings are thankfully okay. Really should've just called one of their phones instead of going up. Burning this would have sucked.

Mark gets to work setting the table with plates and all the sauces, double checking he's put out the Ethan-safe kind. He's started cleaning the pan by the time Ethan, Tyler, and Kat shuffle in.

Tyler's rubbing his eyes and looks somewhere between drunk and hangover. "Ethhaaan, it's too bright," Tyler whines pulling out a chair and dropping into it.

"Okay," Ethan says. He flips off the lights and settles down next to Tyler, fluffing up Tyler's hair as he does. "Better?" Tyler grumbles but doesn't answer. Kat sits down on his other side and helps serve him a plate of dumplings.

"Smells good!" Amy walks in, a bright smile on her face. Mark smiles back at her. Seeing her here just makes everything feel a little brighter, a little easier. She spoons some dumplings onto her plate and plops into the seat beside him.

"Yea, thanks for making us dinner Mark!" Ethan says. Amy reaches over and spoons some dumplings onto his plate. "Thanks Amy!"

It's been a while since he's made dumplings, but they came out pretty good. Everyone else seems to be enjoying them... except Tyler. He keeps shoving them around his plate. He looks worse than before almost. The bandage is holding tight at least, but it doesn't cover the bruises. And he's got bags under his eyes. "I'm not really hungry," Tyler says softly. He pushes the dish away and rests his head in his hands.

Ethan nudges Tyler with his shoulder. "Just a bite? Then we can go back to sleep. We can even stay here tonight, if it's okay with you Mark?" Ethan is giving his best puppy dog eyes, but honestly, he doesn't need to. They were all gonna spend the night here. He had decided that around when he made dinner. Tyler needs support right now, and if he needs that from Ethan, he needs that from Ethan.

"Yea, of course! You guys are always welcome," Mark says. "We can set up the couch-"

Tyler lifts his head and glares at Mark. "We'll be fine in the guest room. It'll be more comfortable than how we slept last night."

"We?" Mark asks. It slips out before he can stop it.

"Yes, we," Tyler snaps leaning back. "Me and Ethan."

He's known Tyler for years. Seen him angry, had fights with him. But this is different. Something just feels different. Like something in Tyler has changed just a bit. "Okay bud," Mark says. Amy places her hand on his arm and squeezes it lightly.

"You should drink some water," Ethan tells Tyler. And unlike when Mark tries talking, Tyler actually listens. And eats a bit more of the dumpling.

Mark clears his throat. "I, uh, I actually have some work I need to get down. I'll catch you guys later." He grabs his dumplings and leaves the table, not watching or waiting for a reaction.

Ethan watches as Mark leaves. "I should check on him," Amy says frowning. She leaves her plate behind as she follows him up the stairs to the office.

Tyler doesn't seem to realize that he's being a dick, but it's definitely not the time to address that. They'll make him eat, drink, and go back to sleep. Then, him and Kat can get back to talking about their next step. Because if they want to talk to the woman... time's running out.

None of them speak as they eat, and once Tyler starts eating, they actually have to slow him down a bit to make sure he doesn't get sick. Kat looks exhausted. It's been less than a day. Less than a day since he was stalked and Tyler was threatened. Less than a day since they were at a hospital. Since he went back to the van. Since he discovered the void.

It's been less than a day.

Tyler pushes his plate away again. "Don't wanna move," he mumbles rubbing his eyes.

"You don't have to," Ethan says softly. He pulls his shadow back from Tyler's lap. "Just give me a second."

"Mhm," Tyler agrees closing his eyes.

Kat frowns. "Ethan, are you sure this is a good idea?"

He laughs, already halfway into his shadow. "Nope!" Kat sighs and starts cleaning up the kitchen. It's not like the first time she's helped clean up after a meal. He'll make up for making her clean next time they eat together. Or some other way.

Ethan makes his way through the house, checking for Mark and Amy to make sure he can send Tyler to the guest room without them realizing they've just disappeared. After walking around upstairs, he finds them both in Mark's office. Mark's hunched over his desk, Amy standing behind him rubbing his back.

He should go. He should leave. This isn't something he should intrude on, visible or not.

"You know he still loves you, right?" Amy asks.

Ethan freezes. He should leave. Not his business.

"I know," Mark says. He lets out a huff. "He just feels... different."

"He got mugged Mark. Of course he's gonna be different," Amy says. Mark shrugs and picks up a dumpling to eat. "Plus he's drunk."

_This isn't your business._

"It's not... it's not just that. I'm worried... what if... what if he's not the same after this? What if... what if... I lose him? If he never really comes back?"

"He just is lashing out, Mark, it has nothing-"

Ethan slips out of the room, feeling out of breath for no reason. He presses through the void, shedding the shadow as he appears next to Kat and Tyler in the kitchen. "I'll take you upstairs now Tyler," he says. Kat's holding a tupperware with the dumplings. "Here, let me." He takes it from them, grabs a water bottle from the fridge, and gathers his shadow around them. Tyler stares, his eyes wide, as the shadow drops, revealing the bedroom.

"Whoa!" he exclaims flopping onto the bed. "Ethan! My man!"

"I'll be right back," Ethan tells them.

Kat crosses her arms. She's not an idiot. She must know what he's about to do. " _We'll_ be right back," she says turning to Tyler.

"Here," Ethan holds a bit of his shadow to Tyler, letting it dance around him as Tyler claps. "If you need me, just... give it a poke or something... but be gentle!" Tyler nods enthusiastically, cradling the shadow in his hands. There's no way he'll actually be gentle with it, but fuck it. He needs some way for Tyler to reach them. "We'll be right back, okay?"

"Kay! Have fun!"

Ethan takes Kat's arm in his, holding onto her as he presses through into the void. She shudders as they enter and glares at him. "You're a dumbass, you know that, right?"

He smiles, adjusting his grip on the dumplings. "Ah yes, but I'm a dumbass who cares." Once he feels like he has a grip on Kat and all the food, he presses forward again, pulling her with him into Tyler's apartment, keeping the shadow far enough away that they can see their surroundings.

Kat frowns, raising her eyebrows at him. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Ethan fidgets. "I don't really have a choice."

"Alright. Then let's get it over with." Kat nods and pulls Ethan closer as he presses once more into the void.


	22. Chapter 22

Ethan holds onto Kat's hand tightly, keeping her behind him as they re-enter the void. On the ground is the woman from last night, her coat folded neatly underneath her head and her heels still on her feet. Like she's ready to run.

It's only been a day. Enough time for her to be weaker... but not so much time that she can't still be helped. Although she really doesn't deserve the help. He just... can't... he has to.

"Hey!" Ethan tosses the water bottle in front of her.

Her eyes snap open as she sits up, pulling the knife out from under her coat and pointing it towards them. His shadow settles on his shoulders, fanning out to cover Kat from the woman's view. Tyler's safe. He's at Mark's. He can't be hurt.

Ethan drops the container of dumplings and kicks it towards her. With both his hands free, he feels better. "Brought you food."

The woman laughs, but it's not really a laugh. Too harsh. "How kind. Still warm I see?"

Kat stands behind Ethan, close enough for him to grab her. Once again- as he always seems to be in these fucked up situations- Ethan is eerily calm. His shadow is half-covering her, which thank fucking god for that because that woman has a knife out and looks ready to pounce if given the chance.

"I need something from you," Ethan says, and he sounds _nothing_ like he usually does. Even when he's in a mood. Just... empty. But the shadow is moving a lot, shifting on his shoulders. So he's obviously not as fucking calm as he looks which is somehow comforting. For some fucked up reason. Or not fucked up reason?

"Who says you'll get it?" the woman asks. She flips the knife in her hand, staring at it instead of Ethan. "Not much you can do to me now that I'm already here, hm?"

She's... kinda right. Ethan's still never used his shadow to _hurt_ anyone. Except the van, but that was an inanimate object. There's no way he'll be able to threaten her with it. She'll call his bluff, and then they'll be nowhere.

"I'm the only one who can get here to you though," Ethan says. "Only way you can get food, water, anything else you might need or want."

"There's always a chance of not surviving, of suffering. I've prepared for that. I'm ready for what may come." The woman puts the knife down and smiles. Fucking creepy as shit. "Nice try though. Commendable effort."

His shadow starts to shift from his shoulders, spreading out to the woman. Her smile fades for a second before reappearing. It's only a bit of his shadow, almost as small as the bit he left Tyler. "I never said you had to give it to me." The shadow snakes forward, moving quickly until it reaches her. She shudders and grabs her knife, slicing down into it.

"AGH!" Ethan doubles over, his shadow fading behind him as he does. Fuck, not good! She grabs onto him as he falls and lowers him onto his knees. "Fucking bitch!" He's shaking really hard. Not breathing evenly. Is he in pain? Freaked out? Did that hurt him? Did it feel like he was cut?

The woman looks at Kat, smiling even wider when their eyes meet. _Shit._ "Oh, you're new. But you look familiar. Pretty face. You'd make a great-"

"SHUT UP!" Ethan shouts as he swipes his hand forward. His shadow rushes to the woman and knocks the knife from her hand, swallowing it... back to the hallway? Somewhere else in the void?

"Stop with this!" The woman stands up now, but Ethan's shadow is still circling her, pressing into her.

Kat squeezes his shoulder. "What are you doing?"

"Finding her phone," he says through his teeth. "She's being a real bitch about cooperating though." His shadow zooms back towards them, dropping a phone and wallet in front of Ethan before surrounding the two of them. "Don't let go?"

For some reason, Kat laughs. "What the fuck do you think I'm gonna do? Let go of you when we're traveling through a fucking _void_?" Ethan lets out a breathy laugh. "Any way I can help?"

"Just... we might fall?"

Kat stares at him. "Fall?" she echoes. He nods, shaking as he presses down into the floor and his shadow parts, leaving them to fall from the void.

Tyler holds the bit of Ethan's shadow in his hand. It looks like it'd be fun to poke and pet... but Ethan said only to do that if he needed help. And he's bored, but he's fine. Just chilling. It's just no fun being alone when they could all be having fun together.

He grabs his glass and takes a big gulp. It still stings for some reason to drink. Or talk. For some reason it's probably important to remember. But remembering stuff sucks MAJOR ass. And alcohol helps... helps him forget. Forget that he's supposed to remember something.

Mark doesn't drink. Which is lame but it would literally kill him, so it's okay. But Amy can drink, and so can Ethan and Kat and Tyler, and they all hang out here and do work together and the occasional sleepover. So there's a chance Mark has something to drink.

But if he leaves, Mark might realize Kat and Ethan are gone. Ask questions. And it's a secret. He can't let anyone know. Ethan needs to be protected. He's... he's baby.

 _You can't say I didn'_ _t_ -

"HE'S BABY!" Tyler screams. He squeezes the bit of shadow in his hand. Oops. He wasn't supposed to do that, was he? Is Ethan gonna be mad?

He wishes Ethan were here. It's lonely. Too much quiet. Not the nice quiet... just... too much time to think. Thinking hurts. It's hard.

"Tyler? Bud?" There's a knock on the door. "Are you okay?"

"Fuck off!" Tyler squeezes the shadow again. But this time Ethan _really_ needs to come back. Cause Mark will think it's weird that Kat and Ethan are gone.

Mark doesn't say anything else. And Tyler's pretty sure the door is locked. He crawls to the end of the bed and checks the handle. The button is pressed in. Good.

"Tyler... I just... are you hurt? Is everyone else okay?" Mark's voice is a bit muffled. He's talking loud though. He talks loud a lot.

The shadow in Tyler's hand shoots out, flying towards the ceiling and dancing around. "Ethan?" Tyler whispers. "That you?" The shadow grows. Is Ethan... on the ceiling? Is he gonna fall?

Tyler rips the comforter off the bed and throws it onto the floor with all the pillows tumbling with it. He stares at the ceiling as a hand appears, the shadow parting as Ethan and Kat tumble out, falling a bit before the shadow swoops underneath them and lowers them safely down.

But Ethan doesn't look okay. He looks... hurt. He's breathing really hard and Kat looks scared. "Tyler?" Mark knocks again. "Tyler, please answer me?"

"Ethan, can you breathe?" Kat asks squeezing Ethan's shoulder. He shakes his head, his shadow swirling around him.

He needs help. Help... Tyler jumps off the bed and lands next to Ethan. He's so smol. Tyler scoops him up and holds him in his lap, petting his back. So sweaty, so shaky.

"What's going on!" Mark yells again.

"Ethan, I'm going to let Mark in," Kat says. She squeezes Ethan's shoulder. "Can you hide your shadow?"

Slowly Ethan nods and his shadow fades behind him. Good. Secret will stay safe. Mark can't know. Gotta keep Ethan safe. Tyler cradles Ethan. "You're safe, safe safe safe safe safe," Tyler whispers as he pets Ethan's hair. Fluffy hair. So soft, just like the soft boi.

"Ethan's having a panic attack," Kat says. Tyler looks up. Mark and Kat are standing at the door, watching the two of them. "I'm not sure what triggered it. I think he might have had a nightmare."

Mark tries to talk quietly. But not quiet enough. "Why was Tyler yelling?" he asks.

Kat shakes her head. She wasn't here when Tyler... when he remembered. "I think he got scared when Ethan started panicking. I'm not really sure." She's a good liar. Really good.

If he wasn't drunk... maybe he could lie. But then he'd have to think of lies. Kat's better at it anyway. Better at talking and lying and dealing with this. He's... not good at this. Tyler presses his face into Ethan's hair. Ethan's still really shaky, not breathing good. He needs to take better breaths. "Ethan, buddy," Tyler whispers. He gives Ethan a little shake. "We gotta breath, lil guy."

Ethan lifts his head a bit. He moves! He's okay! He's moving! "I need... I need the dark," he whispers. His voice so quiet. So soft.

"Kaaat!" Tyler calls out. "It's too bright. Ethan wants it to be dark." She looks at the two of them and hits the light switch. "Better bud?"

"Tyler, that's..." He coughs. Not good. Tyler rubs his back. Until Ethan catches his breath. He's still shaking. But he's not breathing as fast. "Not exactly what I meant."

Oooh! His _shadow_. Right! Cause Mark doesn't know. And Mark _can't_ know. But... he has to get Mark to leave. How? He can't just yell at him... not when Mark looks so sad. Why is Mark sad?

But what can he say? What's a good lie? Ethan wanted it to be dark, and now Mark needs to leave because... "Ethan needs to sleep!" Tyler says, the words tumbling out. He smiles. Good, good! He's a good liar. An amazing liar.

"O-okay," Mark says. "Kat, can we..." Kat nods and they leave the room.

Tyler scoops Ethan up. Soft boy, light boy, easy to carry boy. "Safe now," Tyler says setting Ethan on the bed. He lays down next to him and gives him a squeeze. Everyone needs to be squished sometimes.

Ethan takes a deep shaky breath. His shadow flickers over them, light appearing through a small crack. It's... not right. Doesn't look right. But Ethan's breathing good. Really good...

Oh, he's sleeping. Not a bad idea. Sleep always helps. Tyler grabs the blanket and pulls it over Ethan. "Sleep tight blue boy."


	23. Chapter 23

Mark shuts the door and leads Kat down the hall towards his office. Which is strange cause there's not really enough chairs for them _both_ to sit, but he probably just wants to be close in case Ethan and Tyler need them.

If it was up to her, there's no fucking way she would've left Ethan alone. Not after... whatever just happened. But they have that bitch's phone. A lock code _has_ to be easier to crack than a computer password. So it's a good start.

He just... he shouldn't be alone right now.

They reach the office, and Mark closes the door almost all the way. "Do we... call someone?" he asks softly. "To make sure they're okay? Like... I'm worried."

Kat shrugs. "I think they should both get psychological evaluations for sure, but I don't think in actual danger of hurting themselves or anyone..." Except Tyler's drinking. Which is definitely concerning, but it's only happened this one time. And they definitely need to address it and stop it from continuing.

"Okay, okay." Mark nods, rubbing at his head. If he knew the full story... god, she cannot even imagine. "Did anything else happen?"

 _Ethan got hurt after he and I used his shadow to go back to the void where we confronted the woman who almost killed Tyler and knows the man who tried to abduct me._ "No, they've just been relaxing, napping on and off, Ethan's been on his phone a lot, but he always is." Kat chuckles, but Mark doesn't even smile. This whole situation is fucking with him hard. It is better to hide the rest from him, keep him in the dark, pun fully intended? It'd be harder for him if he knew. And even if it would be better for Mark to know, it's not her decision to make. It's Ethan's. She won't take that away from him.

Mark sighs as he basically falls back into his desk chair. It spins a bit, just until the arm hits the desk and it stops. "What are the odds we can convince them to see a therapist?" he asks with a chuckle.

Kat laughs too. It shouldn't be funny. "I'm not sure. Ethan's finally a bit more to seeing someone I think. Just in general with his ADHD," Kat says.

"Tyler will hopefully realize he needs the extra help when he sober up." Sighing, Mark leans back and rocks in his chair. "Thank you for helping out Kat. I've never dealt with something like this, and having someone here is keeping me sane." The look he gives her is so genuine but also... concerned. He can't know, right? That she's been dealing with shit like this for a month.

She shrugs and says, "They both need us right now. We'll figure out more in the morning."

"Yea, you're right," Mark says with a nod. "If you want some space tonight, I can set up the couch downstairs for you."

"My guess is I should probably stay close, just in case," Kat says. And also check on Ethan. Make sure he's okay. What even happened, with the knife slicing his shadow? It's like when she pressed into it... but worse. Way worse.

Mark raises his eyebrows slightly. She forces a smile. "If you need any back-up, feel free to wake me or Amy up, alright? You guys know where everything is, so help yourself to any food. Especially Tyler. Hopefully his hangover won't be too bad." He grimaces. "I'm gonna work for a bit. But you can interrupt! I really don't mind."

"Thanks Markimoo," Kat says winking at him. "I'm gonna go check on them, see if I can get Tyler to drink some more."

"Kay." Kat leaves the office, closing the door behind him. When she gets back to the bedroom, Ethan's shadow is surrounding the bed where he and Tyler probably are. But there's... a slit in it? Kind of like it was _actually_ hurt by the knife. That can be a problem for another time. She walks towards the bed, and as she does, the slit in the shadow opens wider, looking a bit more normal as it closes behind her. Tyler watches her as she shoves her way into an open space by their feet. "How you doing Tyler?"

He blinks slowly and points at the slit. "His shadow... it's cracked," he whispers. A bit of grey light peaks in. The shadow fights to close fully, tendrils reaching across the slit. "Where did you... you went somewhere?"

Kat rubs at her eyes. "It's late Tyler. Let's get some water and go to bed. Okay?" He gives her a small nod as he reaches over to the bedstead, the shadow moving with him. Has it moved like this before? Sensing their movements, letting them in or letting them move as they need? Is this because Ethan's hurt? Or because he's more used to using his shadow and having them with him?

Tyler gulps down the water and puts it down before curling up next to Ethan, slipping his arm underneath Ethan's head and pressing his face to it. "He's really a soft boi," he says. "I thought... thought he was scary. Our little blue boy... he... Kat..." Tyler shudders, burying his face into Ethan's hair.

"I know Tyler." Kat crawls up the bed. There's barely any fucking room to get closer to Tyler and rub his back as he cries. At this rate, she's gonna fall off the bed.But it doesn't matter. Tyler's finally talking. "Are you... are you mad at him?

"No!" Tyler winces and lowers his voice. "I... he saved me. He just... our innocent blue boy... he's not... innocent." His voice breaks as he shakes.

Kat stares at Ethan. His face looks so... soft. Not in pain, not angry, just... peaceful. This is Ethan. But so is the hard, cold man he can become. The man who can banish people to a void. And has. That crushed a van with no effort. "He's... trying," she says after a moment. "He wants to keep us safe."

"We have to keep him safe too," Tyler says. He lifts his head and turns to face Kat, tears dripping from his face onto the comforter below.

She pats his back before shifting back down the bed where there's more room. "We will," Kat says.

He wipes his face, his eyes still staring at her. Usually his face shows so little emotion. And when it does, it's just... happiness. Laughter. Sometimes mild frustration. But never this broken, sad expression that's made him look so young. "Kat?'

"Yea Tyler?" She lays down on her stomach, just able to see his face.

"Does he... is he gonna be okay?"

Kat sighs. "It's late Ty-"

"What happened to his shadow?" Tyler sits up a bit, but Ethan moves closer in his sleep. "It's broken... what happened?" There's still tears on his face, but it's harder now. More like Tyler. Less broken.

"We... we got what we needed to keep him safe," Kat says. Tyler nods. "Okay?

"Okay."

She takes her glasses off and stretches down to put them on the floor, slightly under the bed where hopefully no one steps on them. "Good night Tyler."

It's fuzzy now, and still dark with the shadow preventing all but a sliver of weak light in. But she can still make out Tyler as he settles back down and hugs Ethan close. "Good night Kat. I... thank you."

She takes a shaky breath. "Good night Tyler." After a bit, he starts snoring, but Kat can't stop thinking. So she watches the shadow trying to weave itself back together until finally her eyes can shut.

Fuck, _fuuuck_. Ethan groans, gasping for air as he tries to sit up. But Tyler's half on top of him, drooling and snoring. Usually it wouldn't be a big deal but he _can't fucking breathe._ His shadow flickers around him, a large gash in it. From the knife. That bitch _cut his shadow_.

He tries to move from underneath Tyler a bit, enough to get some air. Except moving hurts _more_ and he cries out, wincing as he grabs his sides. "Kat!"

Something stirs at the edge of his bed as he sends his shadow behind him, his breath going with it. "Ethan, what happened?"

"My..." He grits his teeth and breathes out slowly. "It's hurt."

"The gap?" Kat moves closer. When she's close enough, she grabs his hand to pull him up, giving it a squeeze. "Is that from-?"

"Mhm." Ethan curls up. It feels like something inside him is _burning_. This awful stinging that fills him up. Prickling at him and making it impossible to breathe.

Kat reaches behind him, and- "FUCK!" Ethan screams as his body half collapses. It's like he's been jolted, hit by something. Like when he got rear ended and somehow felt it in his chest, the feeling of being jerked forward too fast and too far.

"Shit! Ethan, I'm- fuck, are you okay? Can you hide it?" she asks.

It hurts. Every second of it fucking hurts as he sends his shadow behind him. Like he's sitting on a broken bone. "Can't... it's... Kat." Ethan gasps, his shadow springing forward again as it covers them.

"Shit, uh..." Kat jumps off the bed. "Weed! Yes, do you think I can get weed? I mean, it's not illegal. Do you think Mark has some?"

Is Kat _fucking insane?_ "We-weed?" Ethan chokes out. He coughs, which makes everything hurt even worse. Just... agony.

"I don't know! Tylenol's probably not fucking strong enough and it's not like I can get you oxy or morphine!" Kat hisses. She kicks at Tyler's legs. He grumbles and moves them enough for her to get up. "Is it okay if you hide it under the bed?" He slowly moves it until it settles beneath them. Ethan gives Kat a small nod. "Okay, fuck it, I'm getting Mark. What's our story?"

"Fuck if I know!" Ethan gasps again. Why is it so hard to _breathe?_

Tyler lifts his head slightly and turns to Ethan. "Hrnnghh?"

Kat waves her arms frantically. "Go back to sleep Tyler." Tyler hums softly as he lowers his head. "I'll be back, okay? Just... keep breathing."

Hah. Is he even breathing right now?

Half-asleep Tyler nuzzles closer to Ethan, and it's just _too hot_ and _too loud_. He presses his hands into his eyes. His breathing is too fast. Too fast but still no air. Cause he can't _fucking breathe._

"-just woke up and he was on the floor. Think he was locked out of the bed, I'm not sure. He can't talk a lot." Mark hurries in with Kat close behind. She's a fucking good liar. Way too good. Is this because of him? Because of how much she's had to lie for him? Because of him?

Mark kneels next to the bed. "Hey, Eef. Can you take some deep breaths with me?"

"-hurts," Ethan chokes out. His shadow shifts under the bed, moving to get closer to him again. He gasps and grips the sheets tightly. "Need... air."

"Okay, okay," Mark reaches out and brushes Ethan's hair off his forehead. "Kat... does he seem... feverish?"

Feverish? It's just his shadow. Just... it has to heal itself. After that bitch cut it. Kat leans over though and feels his forehead. And frowns. "Ethan, are you hot?" she asks. "Cause you're burning up and sweaty as fuck."

"Wha-?" His chest burns and he coughs, his whole body shaking.

"I'll get an ice pack and the thermometer. See if you can get him to drink some water." Mark practically runs out the door. And even though it's open, Ethan can't stop his shadow as it snakes up the wall and settles on his shoulders.

Kat smacks him. "Ethan!"

He blinks at her. "Can't. Can't do it." His eyes flutter slightly. He has to stay awake... why does he have to stay awake?

"For fuck's sake!" She shakes him. "Drink some water. You can't sleep like this. Not till... okay?" Not till... till... oh. His shadow. It's on his shoulders, and Mark... Mark can't know. He groans as he guides it underneath the blankets. It settles around his ankles. His eyes close again. "Nope!! Sit up. Time for water." He groans.

"Mrgh..." Next to him, Tyler shifts and kicks him. His eyes snap open as he screams. There's so much _pain_. Like he's fallen and hit the ground in a burning building. Like needles are not only pricking him but _stabbing_ him. Piercing through his bones. "Eth?"

"Help him sit up Tyler. He's... we need him to drink some water." Tyler reaches towards Ethan, half pulling, half pushing him up against the wall. Kat sits on the other side and hands him a glass. His hand shakes as it takes it and takes a small sip. It's cold. Too cold. It burns in a different way as he swallows. Like he's breathing in air that's too cold to breathe. Air that's freezing his lungs. The glass starts to slip from his hand, but Tyler grabs it as it does.

"Got the thermometer. And some tylenol and an ice pack!" Mark crouches in front of the bed and holds up a stick. "Open wide."

There's a joke in this somewhere... but everything feels off and unsteady. Ethan opens his mouth enough for Mark to stick in the thermometer. And when the ice touches his head... it's not like the water. It doesn't hurt. He sighs and takes a breath. His lungs still burn a bit, like when he's recovering from an asthma attack. But he can breathe. Tyler rubs his back gently.

After a moment, Mark takes the thermometer out and stares at it. And doesn't say anything. "Well?" Kat asks.

Shaking his head, Mark says, "Let me try again." So Ethan opens his mouth again and they wait. And when Mark takes it out again and stares... "Okay, okay.... it's a little lower now. It was 104-"

Tyler squeezes Ethan's shoulder and hisses, "One hundred and four?!" It's the most sober he's seemed all day.

"It _was_ ," Mark repeats. "It's down to 102. Here's a tylenol. It should help." Mark takes Ethan's hand and places a small hand in it. Ethan shakes as he moves his hand to his mouth and puts it in his mouth. It's... somehow exhausting. And Tyler must realize because he moves the glass to Ethan's lips and all Ethan has to do is tilt it enough to get a bit of water. It doesn't sting this time. "So, we gotta keep you cool for now. Do you want to stay here?" It's not like he can _fucking move_. Especially not with his shadow wrapped around his ankles and basically refusing to move. He nods slowly. His eyes flutter shut and he leans his head against the wall. It slowly tilts, settling on a shoulder. "We'll change the ice in a bit. We have the thermometer that scans, so if he's asleep we can-"

None of them leave the bedroom as Ethan sleeps. Kat stays on one side, Ethan's head moved from her shoulder to her lap as she holds the ice pack steady. Mark watches from the chair he's brought in, his head drooping every so often before he snaps it back up. Tyler's head is clearing a bit, and he definitely has a headache coming on. Plus he's pretty sure he's gonna puke if he tries to eat or drink anything. So it's a good thing the trash can is still there.

Everything's... really fucking blurry... He went to the restaurant, got a few drinks and ate with Mark... ended up getting a shot at the bar because the drinks weren't enough... Tyler winces and rubs his head. Mark convinced him to go home, told him some lie about a new game... It gets really blurry after that. Ethan and Kat showed up for some reason... then disappeared... and... did they fall from the ceiling or was that a fucked up fever dream?

He remembers waking up when Ethan was screaming and sweating. How his shadow didn't look right. Probably something to do with when him and Kat disappeared.

They'll talk later. Not about... everything. But... about yesterday. About what he did. Because _fuck_. Why did he _do_ that? He rubs his head and sighs.

"Feeling it bud?" Mark asks.

Tyler nods, which is a mistake cause it feels like his brain moves with his head. Technically it does, but like... he can _feel_ it. "Just... think I'm still... a bit drunk... but also hungover?"

"Drink some water." Mark gestures to the night stand where there are now a few glasses of water. Tyler leans over, groaning as he grabs the closest one and takes a few small sips. "Considering, you seem pretty okay."

Kat snorts and mutters, "Probably because he puked most of it out yesterday."

His stomach gurgles. "Please... don't talk about... that. Might... be sick again." He swallows slowly and closes his eyes. "Temperature check?"

"Good idea." Tyler listens until he hears a soft beep. "Still over a hundred. Down to 101 now, but I don't know how accurate this actually is."

"Probably not that accurate. But he needs sleep. I don't think we should try to wake him up." He opens his eyes and glances at Kat. She keeps biting her lip.

Mark sighs as he pushes his hair back from his face. "You guys can get some sleep. I'm fine to stay up for a bit and keep changing his ice."

"You think I'll be able to get sleep?" Kat snorts again, and Tyler smiles slightly. "If I was, I'd have been asleep already."

Chuckling, Mark agrees, "Yea, you're right." He glances towards Tyler, his eyes holding steady for a second before he looks away.

Tyler takes a deep breath. "Mark, I, uh... I'm really fucking sorry." Mark shrugs his shoulders, but doesn't look back at Tyler. "I... honestly, I don't remember a lot of what happened. Just that... I did a stupid thing cause I didn't know what else to do. And that was unfair to you." He turns to Kat. "Both of you. I appreciate everything you did to take care of me, and I want to do better... take care of myself. _Deal_ with this." Tyler looks down at his hands and shudders.

Mark clears his throat. "I... I really appreciate that. I just got worried about you. I'd never seen you act like that before, how you were when you were drunk, and I was scared for you... I didn't know what to do."

A tear drips down his face onto his hand. He sniffs and wipes away the trail it's left behind. "Thank you Mark. I really appreciate you. I'm glad I have you." Tyler looks to Mark slowly, and Mark smiles back.

"I love you too," Mark says softly. Tyler grins.

Ethan groans again, his body seizing for a second as he gasps for air. Tyler tenses, but a second later, Ethan's breathing is even and his body is more relaxed. Kat adjusts the ice pack and glances towards Tyler. Because obviously she has something to say about what's actually wrong that she can't say in front of Mark. Something she may or may not have already told him, not that it fucking matters because he doesn't really remember.

But Mark isn't an idiot. If they send him away to talk, he'll know something's up. There's no way he'll know what the fuck is _actually_ going on, but Mark can't get involved in this shit. Especially not with his job. Enough people know Ethan already. Mark is on a whole different level. That's not something they can risk.

"Try to sleep for a bit Mark," Tyler says. "I think it's my turn to play babysitter."

Mark chuckles. "Alright man, seems fair. But wake me up if anything happens, okay?"

"Deal." Mark smiles as he leans back in the chair and closes his eyes. Because that man can sleep anywhere when he's tired, no matter what he says.

Kat glances towards Tyler. He stares back. Too bad they don't know sign language. That'd be really fucking useful. But they don't know sign language, so Kat moves slowly and grabs her phone from the bed. A second later she passes it to Tyler, her eyes staring at Mark the whole time.

Typed out in the notes is just a short sentence:

_We got her phone._


	24. Chapter 24

Tyler fumbles with the phone, almost dropping it. "You _went_ -"

"Sh!" Kat grabs the phone back and nudges him, pointing at Mark who's snoring in the chair. Oh, right. They can't wake Mark up. Tyler sighs and pulls out his own phone. Kat must've used notes for a reason instead of just texting him. Probably to avoid being traced. _YOU WENT BACK AND TOOK HER PHONE? WTF HAPPENED._ He shoves the phone in front of her, gesturing wildly.

She sighs as she takes it and types back. _We couldn't hack the computer. It was the only other option to protect him._

He sighs and rubs his head. Okay, right. This is about keeping Ethan's secret safe. But still. That woman was fucking deadly. Would've... nope, not thinking about that right now. _Okay, so wtf happened and why didn't you talk-_ Tyler stops and erases the second part. Obviously they couldn't talk to him about it. He was drunk out of his mind and having a shit ton of flashbacks. Not exactly someone you'd want to take to face that woman. _-and why didn't you wait?_

 _We can't risk waiting. We don't know if anyone else knows, and Ethan doesn't exactly have a low profile._ She's skirting around the question. Not telling him what happened. Does she think he can't handle it?

Okay, he's pretty much proven today that he _hasn't_ been handling it. _Okay, so please tell me what happened. Did Ethan get hurt?_

_His shadow did. He used it to get the phone from her, and she cut it with the knife._

The knife covered in his blood? From his throat? Tyler sways and squeezes his eyes shut. He can hear her voice.

"Tyler?" Kat touches his shoulder gently. "Can you hear me?"

"I... I don't want to... want to remember," he whispers. He presses his hands into his eyes. Fuck, he's gonna puke.

"It's... I know it's hard to remember, but if you keep pushing it away and avoiding it... it makes it work. I'm here with you Tyler. It's okay. You're safe." Kat squeezes his shoulder. He leans forward, grabbing the trash can just in case.

It's hard. Just... letting himself remember. Letting her voice into her head. Her threats. _Tell me what you did to my friend, and I'll let him live._ He shudders. The knife is so cold on his throat...

"I'm here. I'm right here." Kat rubs his back.

Right. Right. He's at Mark's in the guest bedroom, still in a kinda fucked up situation with Ethan's shadow hurt and Mark three feet away without knowing what's actually happening. "Okay," Tyler whispers. He clears his throat. His stomach settles a bit, but he's still hungover as fuck, so he keeps the trash can close. "I'm... I'm okay. I think."

He sits up slowly. So Ethan's shadow got cut with the same knife she used on him last night. "Can it-" Kat gestures wildly to Mark. She looks ridiculous. He covers his mouth, but she still sees him giggle. He fumbles for a minute, feeling around the covers until he finds his phone. _Can his shadow get infected?_

Kat blinks slowly. _I have no clue._

For a moment they stare at each other. How would you treat a non-corporeal thing if it's infected? They can't exactly rub antiseptic on it. And they can't get him a prescription for it.

It's hard with Ethan between them, but Tyler reaches over and takes Kat's hand. She squeezes it back. It's the middle of the night, but he's been sleeping on and off all day. "Try to get some sleep Kat," he says. "I'll wake you up if anything happens."

"Okay." Her voice sounds so small. So quiet. But when he glances at her, her eyes are still open. Not like he can blame her. It's one of those nights.

So they sit for a bit, holding onto each other, watching and waiting for the sun to come.

None of them remembered to close the blinds last night, not with everything else going on, and as soon as the room brightens, Tyler's body decides it's time to wake up again. Considering how much he drank and the fact he was probably still drunk in the middle of the night, he doesn't feel as shitty as he thought he would. Tired, worn down, but not sick, no headache.

Ethan shuffles in his sleep, shivering and burying his body further under the covers. He's probably not insanely comfortable, his neck at an awkward angle so he can lay his head on the bed. It's cramped like this, but there was more room for all three of them if they sat on the bed sideways and pulled up the covers to cover Ethan and his shadow. It's shifting under the covers around his ankles. Mark's slouched in the chair, his head back with his mouth wide open. Dead asleep. Tyler lifts the covers enough to peak underneath. It's hard to tell if it's any better cause he's looking at a shadow that is _hiding in other shadows_. He presses the back of his hand to Ethan's head. Still really warm. And sweaty. The ice pack is buried between the covers, long thawed and kinda wet?

Tyler sighs softly as he pushes himself away from the wall and off the bed. His joints crack when he stands. Later he'll stretch or go for a walk, but right now, he needs to get a new ice pack for Ethan.

It's not the first time he's been up first in Marks' house, even though Mark usually is an early riser. So he knows how to set up the coffee, which he might as well do because they're all gonna need a few cups after last night. As the coffee brews, he grabs a new ice pack and leaves the other to freeze back up.

No one else is awake yet when he gets back upstairs. It's almost peaceful, but Ethan looks really pale and his face is scrunched up. Tyler places the ice pack against his forehead, and his face relaxes a bit. Good. Hopefully this helps, and then they can figure out how to help his shadow heal. If Mark lets them leave.

Fuck, if he could remember what happened that would be really helpful. He just knows that Mark is stressed and is going to be nervous to let Ethan leave. That he'll probably want to have a conversation with Tyler about his drinking, which fuck, why did he do that again? To forget everything? It didn't really work, just made everything worse.

He sighs and rubs his head. Kat said it's easier to remember, that it hurts less if he lets himself remember. So he'll just... let himself remember. When it starts to happen. When the memories come.

Tyler takes a deep breath. His hand is getting cold from holding the ice pack to Ethan's head, but if he stops holding it, it's not gonna stay. Not with Ethan's head sideways. So he keeps holding it and watching the rest of the world wake up outside.

It's some time later that Mark wakes up, wincing and rubbing at his neck. "Fuck," Mark whispers. "Should not have slept in a chair. What time is it?"

Tyler checks his phone. "Uh, it's about 7:15. Coffee's brewed, probably cold, but it's a big pot. Figured we'd all need it."

"Do you want me to grab you a cup?" Mark asks as he stands and stretches.

"Nah, still just drinking water," Tyler says softly. "Plus-" He gestures towards Ethan and the ice pack he's still holding.

Mark frowns slightly. "I'll grab the thermometer. Hopefully he'll be able to fall back to sleep again if we wake him up to check his fever."

Nodding, Tyler agrees, "He's still warm. Probably a good idea to check it and give him another Tylenol for the pain." And an antibiotic if they can figure out what the fuck to give him.

Slowly, Mark walks out of the room, still rolling his head from side to side and rubbing at his neck. Kat's still sound asleep. As much as he wants to talk to her and figure stuff out, she needs to sleep. God knows she's been stressing.

Instead, Tyler gently shakes Ethan's shoulder. "Ethan, buddy, time to wake up." Ethan groans and curls up tighter. "All you have to do is drink some water and let Mark take your temperature. Then back to sleep." He grumbles again, not really responding. His shadow shifts under the covers a bit, but it just looks like his feet moving. Kinda. Not weird enough for Mark to notice.

Mark comes back in holding a cup of coffee and the thermometer. He places the coffee on his chair before sitting on the edge of the bed near Ethan. "Hey buddy," Mark whispers. "I gotta take your temperature. Open up." More grumbling, but Ethan opens his mouth enough for Mark to wedge the thermometer in before closing it again. They sit quietly until it beeps. Mark takes out the thermometer and smiles slightly. "Your fever's coming down bud! It's below 100! Just gotta drink some water and then you can go back to sleep." Ethan pushes himself up slightly, his eyes still closed, so Tyler helps prop him up against the wall. Mark hands Tyler a glass of water that Tyler moves closer to Ethan. His eyes are still closed, the ice pack balancing precariously on his head, as he reaches out and takes the cup from Tyler. He takes a few large gulps, almost emptying the glass, before Tyler takes it back and passes it to Mark.

"Okay, back to sleep," Tyler says as he takes the ice pack off and hands it to Mark. If his fever's dropping, he could probably use a break from it. And Tyler's hand is half-frozen from holding it.

Ethan mumbles something and leans his head against Tyler's shoulder, shifting a few times until he gets comfortable. It's really warm with Ethan half on top of him, but he can't exactly move out from under the covers without risking Ethan's shadow being seen. So he'll just deal with it.

Mark's smiling at him, half pleasant and half mischievous, as he pulls out his phone and takes a picture. "Mark, really?" Tyler says with a sigh.

"Oh, this is just one of many pictures I have of the three of you cuddling," Mark says, his smile widening as he chuckles. Tyler rolls his eyes. It's not like him and Kat don't have pictures of Mark curled up with Ethan or of Mark, Ethan, and Tyler cuddled together. With all the late nights they can have, it's not uncommon for someone to fall asleep on top of someone else.

It's still really early. Ethan's definitely not gonna be doing much for a while, and Kat's not a morning person. But it's not like him and Mark can leave. And it's not like he can even leave Mark alone with Ethan if Kat's asleep. Just in case. His shadow seems to be staying under the covers thankfully, but what if Ethan tries to kick off the blankets? Or Mark takes them off to help cool Ethan down?

He stares at Mark, not really sure what to say. Not when there's so many lies between them now, so many things Mark can't understand. Because he doesn't know. Because he can't know. No one else can know.

His heart starts pounding because they don't know who else knows. Because Ethan and Kat couldn't hack the computers and because they haven't gotten to go through her phone yet. Because Mark and Ethan aren't low-profile, and Mark's address might not be public knowledge, but it wouldn't be impossible to figure out.

"Tyler?" He glances up at Mark. "Tyler, you gotta breathe." He nods, his chest still tight and his heart still beating as he takes a few deep breaths. He needs to run, get out of here, but he can't leave. Has to stay. "Breathe, come on bud. Breathe with me." Mark squeezes Tyler's shoulder, and his eyes snap to Mark's, nodding as he watches Mark breathe and tries to copy him. It hurts to breath a bit.

Something nudges at his leg, cold and familiar. Ethan's shadow. He lets out a breath, his shoulders relaxing. His next breath in doesn't hurt as bad. Mark smiles and steps back, taking his hand from Tyler's shoulder. "Good, good!"

"Um, thanks," Tyler says. He leans his head against Ethan's, his body still shaking and his head light from the lack of air. "I, um, I'm gonna work on it. On good, uh, good coping skills. Kat gave me some suggestions last night."

"That's good bud." Mark's smile looks faker now, too stretched out and his eyes tired. "Are you, um, are you gonna try to find a, uh, professional?"

Ha! And tell them what exactly? That his friend is basically a superhero and a group of human traffickers who may or may not have ties with the mafia is after him and Tyler got caught in the crossfires? That would not end well. But there's already so many lies in this room, he can't bear to tell another. "I'm not sure. I'll think about it? But I'm, uh, done drinking. Till I feel better." Mark nods, his smile gone now. "I'm gonna do some research when I get home, see if I can find someone that's a good fit for me. That I'll feel comfortable talking to." Kat. Just, Kat and Ethan. Those are the only two people he can talk to about this. He'll find coping mechanisms and ways to help himself, but if he goes to a therapist, he won't get anything out of it. Not if he's lying the whole time.

"I'm glad, and if you want any help looking or anyone to talk to, _please_ call me," Mark says. "I know I can be bad with reaching out or getting back to people, but I care about you a lot. And I wanna be there for you."

Tyler smiles. "Thanks Mark. I really appreciate you."

Mark gives a small smile back, his eyes lighting up this time. "I love you too."


End file.
